RocketSky203

I do not know how to clearly explain this but for over half a year I started experiencing an issue that has become increasingly disruptive in trying to function in my normal life. I have been doing well somehow enough, but I still experience this issue that I have been trying to deal with. For one, I have this issue relating to my nose. But each time I breathe in from my nose for example, an intrusive thought would pop up. For most of last year, this has been quite disruptive to the point that I had to resort to mouth breathing. Now it has escalated to cases, where, it would happen when I look or glance at something I didn't intend to or simply shouldn't have and my nose would basically twitch and breathe in, even though that wasn't intentional. This could happen to a lot of various circumstances. I also have this worry that I would deliberately smell something I don't want to smell. One example is that when I was living in a previous home, I used to have a bathroom that was connected to not only my room, but also to another family member's room. My PC was placed near the door, so whenever someone entered the bathroom, I would have to move away and stop using it for a while because I was worried that I would end up smelling the stench. It has happened once before and there was several cases where my room would smell bad at one point then somewhat fresh, I have went back and forth at one time wondering if my room smelled bad. For over the past 3 months at this point I started to myself freaking out a lot more wondering if I have done something wrong each time my nose would randomly breathe in or the like it just tends to happen at times and always somewhat unintentional . It happened in pretty bad moments in some cases, and in bad timing in some others. I felt disturbed at times because of that, but in recent months even though I still freak out, I no longer feel too distressed about it now, though it still happens and earlier tonight a similar case has happened. Nothing serious happened but I have had enough of enduring this. In the past, I wanted to talk about this but at times I realize that whenever I think about it, I find myself realizing how ridiculous it sounds but I became tired of how constant this issue has gradually become and wanted to bring it up. This never has happened before, this only occurred months after making some stupid mistakes and now I am trying to find myself to somehow breakout of this issue. I do not know if anyone has experienced something like this, but is this something I should somehow be worried about?

I often myself experiencing intrusive thoughts that would often linger for quite a bit of time than usual, this happens especially when I am tired and simply trying to take nap or just attempt to fully sleep in general. I often myself experiencing thoughts, at times I would get a sense of discomfort, then eventually I would get a quick spike whenever a rather weird thought just pops up in my mind. This happened mostly while I am simply resting but not fully asleep yet and has been quite disruptive at times too. This has happened at least several nights recently, I find myself failing to sleep at times because of the thoughts and I end up feeling awfully disoriented. My mind would be simply be racing with thoughts, then eventually I would spike up opening at my eyes trying to process what I just thought in my mind. Then of course, I would find myself quickly forgetting them at times, resulting me to somehow be confused as to why I was somewhat worried or why am I worried about forgetting it. Most of the time I would simply let it go if it was just a simple thought and nothing else and move on, this happens while I am fully awake too, I find myself a bit zoned out or pre-occupied and somehow can 'feel' thoughts linger at the back at my mind. I usually let those thoughts go, now especially since I am no longer bothered by most of them besides them popping up at times. But again, I find myself taking longer to let go while tired because of how susceptible I am to racing thoughts while resting. Similarly, There has been two occasions in the past where I find myself briefly somewhat pleasuring myself down there while resting, then stopping, even though I can somewhat remember what I was thinking a bit at that time, I somewhat forgot the rest of thoughts at the time. Thus leaving me to worry that somehow I must have been thinking unwanted thoughts, even though I doubt it because that concern to me doesn't even make sense and that it is ridiculous. I took realization noticing that this concern only occurred to me because I somewhat forgot what I was thinking about earlier because my mind started focusing on that subject. Thankfully I haven't had such occurrences occur since then, but I found myself bothered by them. I am not sure if I am making the right approach to not ruminate or dwell too much on it, since there's no point in ruminating in wondering whether I've done something wrong or not, but only recall that I was aware of what I was doing. Those are the most notable examples that I remember of, there are others, but I would say the overall same thing so I'll just leave it at that. But overall, this issue has resulted in a disruption of sleep because I find myself more vulnerable to racing intrusive thoughts than awake, and the thoughts feel somewhat worse in severity too. And I am not sure if enduring or letting them pass is a somewhat good approach, and I do not know if it is helping much either.

I suffer from Contamination from time to time, while I do get concerned being contaminated, it mostly focuses on contaminating others, especially pets or people. They mostly focus concerning bodily fluids, semen being the biggest concern and to some extend, feces and urine. Tonight has been especially bad for me, earlier today a pet of mine, a cat entered my room and went under the bed, apparently it was chewing on a dirty napkin that I forgot to throw away in the trash, and immediately feared that it had semen or feces on it, thus contaminating my cat. I immediately threw away the napkin in the bad, however I developed an urge to check on the napkin, I delayed myself for a while, however the thought kept bothering me and after a while I eventually did. I grabbed the dirty napkin from the trash and checked it. I had a a thought and urge to even smell it a short brief moment which would have been gross which I didn’t. I put it back and cleaned my hands, then took out the trash and all. And that was that, however I felt bothered over what I did, I didn’t do anything wrong, but the fact that I decided to check as well as getting that thought popup made me feel really awful. The thing is though it was most likely just an ordinary napkin that I use to clean up the laptop and keyboard or after I wash my hands. I would never leave semen-stained tissues and have always threw them away. I had a similar incident one year ago, where I forgot to throw away used up tissues and all, and a pet came in and sniffed around the room and I don’t know if it did or not, but I became a lot more cautious and always made sure I threw everything away even to this day. However, recalling that memory and comparing it to tonight’s incident just makes me feel like I am disgusting and gross, and now I don’t know if what I did was indirectly contaminate a cat.

Greetings everyone... I recently joined the forums, though I probably won't be active too much... I am suffering from what I believe is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Though I have yet to be diagnosed, I'll explain throughout my story. Note it might be all over the place, so my apologies if this sparks some confusion. It all started a year ago, I had a falling out with some of my friends online over issues of trust and the like, and I was worried about one of them who I was close with but started to become a lot more distant. This would later devolve into drama and the whole matter became untenable to the point that our friendship has fallen apart. Not gonna go into detail as this is more personal but all I can say is that initially I was the one who caused nothing more than trouble towards them and so, I decided to cut ties with all of them, even those that supported me. And for a long time I have remained alone and isolated. However, following this whole ordeal I felt concerned about the safety and wellbeing of my family, that I started checking doors late at night to be sure they aren't left unlocked, and that someone was gonna come after me for the whole drama I mentioned above. I started to realize that something might be wrong with me, and for a while I have been feeling this excessive worry and with all this checking. At the time, I learned I might have been suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder, though I did not self-diagnose myself as such, though I believed it was lucky. Because I was so stressed out with everything that I became paranoid and somewhat delusional. If only I still was concerned about this than what came down the line later. I eventually started taking medication, I thought it would help me but I felt a lot more worse than before due to them. I already have been having significant intrusive thoughts at the time and it was when one popped up, I was filled with absolute dread, I started to question if I was a pedophile, and that's when my life literally began to have a downward spiral. I have suffered intrusive thoughts like these before, but never I have expressed such concern as to why I had them. I became pretty suicidal, I was heavily worried about this, then I recalled a lot of memories from the past, all of which I know happened but at the time I misremembered some of them, I didn't bother thinking about this much further as I was felt so awful about some of the things I did in the past. One memory stuck out and that bothered me the most, I called suicide hotline and confessed to what I did, and I also confessed to an online forum. In short, I was told to pretty much just let go and to move on, it took a while for me to let go of that incident, but I moved on... I thought I was starting to feel better when more memories started to resurfaced and I was back to square one once again. Before this, I already discovered OCD and the 'themes' I have been suffering at the time. I was hoping to get help but then these memories resurfaced, making it feel difficult to even try to get help in the first place. Because, I saw myself and still consider myself to be a monster. Even if these events happened long ago and that I must have misremembered them when I first recalled them. The things I did made me feel a lot more shameful now when I taken the time to think about how bad they must have been. Note, I was still a teenager when I did all of these and I was 20 when I recalled these memories. Some of these memories were me doing not so innocent things, bad ones too, though half them I never really went through with, thankfully. All these things continued to weighed on my mind, some of them still lingers in my mind as of now as I have struggle to let them go despite constantly going back back trying to figure everything out to not much avail. I started seeing a therapist who is experienced in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, I liked the therapist and he helped me to some degree, but I don't think I've done much to improve, my life wasn't getting bother, and unfortunately this therapist only had a basic understanding of OCD and said he wasn't a specialist. My luck felt short, because I have been unable to find a OCD Specialist near me and had no choice but to work with what I had, and I don't think it did much to help me at all. I eventually gave up, and moved on. Life only getting worse, last year in October, tensions rose between my Mother and Father and I became concerned about a potential divorce between the two. They were still around but my suspicions became confirmed when my Mother decided to tell them that he can't live anymore and that she has kicked him out of the house, I barely had the energy anymore to react but I was truly upset about this. My father has been with me all of my entire life up until that point, and to see him leave because of the issues between him and my mother was shattering. I realized now that my life has truly became upside down and now things were never gonna be the same. Although my dad was kicked out, I am gonna mention an issue that has been plaguing our family for nearly 10 years at this point. My sister and mother have been arguing for years, on a variety of issues. In the past, there has been instances of my sister becoming violently aggressive against my mother and had to be sent to a hospital. She doesn't do this anymore but for a while I always kept anticipating she'll try to do the same again but never did. My father must have grown fed up with this as well. My mother decided to move to Veracruz, which I didn't want to go, my mother didn't tell that we were going until the night we went, she already knew I didn't want to go as I told her before and I believed she intentionally kept quiet about this. It took us nearly almost two days to get there, we left the U.S. by bus and took two planes in Mexico, until we arrived at the airport in Veracruz late at night. As I expected, I felt a more miserable than before, I didn't like being there, as there was hardly anything here. Like before, I simply stayed in my room and nothing has improved with my family, mother and sister still argued. My life feels worse now since I cannot get help I can't seek, as for one I can't speak Spanish pretty well. I still made 1 or 2 mistakes here and there, not to innocent ones admittedly but no one was harmed, I freaked out and panicked when I did these mistakes too. And wondered why I did them. After 3 months, we moved to another house, we stayed there for roughly the same but moved in late may, and moved to the house we currently live in for over a few months at this point. I was slightly starting to feel better now, as for months things went with out incident, besides one incident. But unfortunately, as for today I still struggle with issues plaguing my mind. Intrusive thoughts as for the past few months has gotten pretty bad too...And I am concerned about whether or not I've done something pretty bad. Again I don't think nor I am not sure if it is right to go into detail but these issues has keep coming back into my mind and stresses me out. Anyways, that's my story so far... I am currently 21 years old, turning 22 next year in a few months. While I am not currently diagnosed with OCD as of yet, I hope what I am suffering from is OCD. I do suffer a condition that has similar symptoms to OCD, I have ADHD which I was diagnosed at a very young age. But for the entire year that I have been reading and from what I have been told I hopefully think I am suffering from the disorder despite the things I did that happened... Even before these obsessions began I've always suffered from sexually intrusive thoughts, for over 3-4 years, this is due to my habit of watching pornography for many years, I discovered when I was still a child and I have been struggling to quit ever since, even to this day. But I am starting to finally take action on this to get my life back. But it has been difficult for me as of now, constant rumination of past events both old and recent, and how it's been weighing down too much in my mind. Too many things need to address thus making it absolutely difficult to move on...