Meggie

Hi all, I hope you're all doing well. I have a query, sorry in advance for the long-winded message. Has anyone else struggled with their family member/partner/friend making you feel really guilty when you don't go along with reassurance-seeking or OCD-related behaviours? For example, my partner & I are currently living together for a few months while my housemates are away. We've been speaking about what'll happen when they get back (& my partner inevitably has to move out). He's asked if he can stay for a while after they arrive back as he finds his house very stressful & there are a few things happening the week of his probable return which would make his OCD flare. I absolutely don't feel comfortable with him crossing over with my housemates return - we've changed a lot in how we live since he's moved in: changing in the doorway & immediately showering once we get in, having 'clean' vs 'dirty' areas of the house etc. (side note: I realise this is unhelpful & we're taking slow steps to rectify my involvement in these). I feel incredibly stressed about navigating my housemates & the OCD when they return, as obviously these mechanisms will no longer be implemented & I don't know how it can possibly be harmonious for anyone involved. He has taken this very badly - accusing me of not caring, saying how this obviously shows how we will not be able to live together when we eventually find our own place, saying how this is just him 'communicating how he is feeling'. I feel awful. I don't know how to navigate this at all, and this isn't a new thing either. I know it's entirely unfair of him to make me feel this way but I'm also aware from past episodes like this that this is coming from an OCD perspective, where he's panicking & trying to do whatever possible to feel secure in the weeks to come. I don't know how to communicate that this isn't healthy or fair. I've tried to discuss some of the points with him from the OCD-UK 'helping a family member' webinar by Lauren Callaghan last year, but he is very reluctant to engage. Thank you to anyone in advance - I'd honestly just appreciate any insight into navigating OCD & relationships as a family member at this point. xxx

Thanks so much! I'll have a look - glad you found it useful!

Hi all, My partner is about a year into his OCD journey - he struggles mainly with obsessions about contamination, which centre a lot around being responsible for other people's illness or, in worst case scenarios, their death. This has of course been difficult to navigate for him with the very unhelpful event of a global pandemic. He is having telephone therapy currently but is very weary towards any mention of medication. This has had quite an impact on our relationship - I often go to bed these days realising we've spoken about little else other than his anxieties. We also live separately, which has meant that recently our time together has been entirely spent outside, & the majority of this time is spent desperately trying to avoid others so as not to increase his worries. I've found myself getting progressively more frustrated towards the OCD and hate how guilty this makes him feel as well. For the last 6/7 months I have been desperately trying to provide reassurance whenever he asks (which could be 10-20x a day), but have realised now that this is pretty much the opposite of what I should be doing so have begun to try & implement some boundaries around this now. I feel awful essentially saying no when his anxieties are high and it's caused a lot of emotional, sometimes argumentative, discussions, but I am also exhausted & am starting to worry about how everything is impacting my own wellbeing as well as the relationship. We'll be moving in together next year & I've found that I've started worrying about how this will be too. Has anyone else found some good ways of navigating boundary setting, or have any useful resources I could look into to help me construct a more helpful narrative around the OCD and reassurance? Thanks so much