Ar33

I'm glad you've managed to recover, I used IAPT too but they didn't pick up on the OCD at the time, and when I realized and mentioned it to my counsellor he kind of passed over it and said to just accept the doubt's there - if it's okay to ask, does this work? what kind of techniques did they teach you to deal with your mental compulsions that helped you recover?

Thankyou, that helps a lot. I guess the dp makes it worse, one my main problems as well is second-guessing my every thought about myself and what I actually believe- is this something you struggled with and were able to overcome?

Thanks @Doubt_It, it's so good to hear the feelings come back. I think I'm also suffering from depersonalization. Is this something that went away for you too?

Thanks @Doubt_It, that makes sense- what kind of exposures were you doing that worked for you? Did you find your normal emotions coming back? I'm so sorry for what you're going through Mike. I feel anxiety and doubt instead of love too, I spend a lot of time trying to reassure myself I do love my family, which only causes more distress- I definitely overanalyse our interactions and how I feel about them, I just feel disconnected. I'll work on resisting compulsions. Thankyou so much for your help, I wish you all the best.

Thankyou so so much to everyone who replied, this really helps to understand what's going on. I'm in touch with a counsellor through the NHS for anxiety but will try to see if they can make it more OCD focused. Also I can completely relate Mike68, I'm glad you're getting help. @Doubt_It if it's okay to ask, what kind of exposures did you do for fears/doubts that you didn't love your family? These are the worst for me, it might be irrational but I'm scared I'd end up feeling apathy or even believing the exposure.

This is about to be quite long, I'm sorry! Really grateful to anyone who can give advice. Over the past four months I've been unable to stop doubting absolutely everything, including whether I love my family and friends, what's right and wrong, even whether I should enjoy anything or think/feel about anything a certain way, whether I can trust what I think, my perceptions, my feelings, my memory, my capacity to believe anything, you name it. I even doubt whether I want to be a good person, of course deep down I do, but the doubt persists with constant what ifs, I feel like a terrible person. I'm useless, I've completely lost myself and feel so detached and scared. Everything has lost its meaning/context, there's no certainty, I have no self worth or assurance. I don't feel the same care and empathy and human connection I should and it's killing me. Reality doesn't seem real, and I'm lost inside relentless doubt about what is, what should be, who I am, what I value. It's torture and so frightening. Trying to fight it is exhausting. I can't ignore it, it's constant. I feel so much guilt. I try to prove things to reassure myself but am plagued by irrational "what ifs" and disbelief in what I try to tell myself, eg. if I try to tell myself what I value or who I love, there are what ifs, disbelief, I just feel constant doubt. I don't feel or think normally or naturally anymore, I overanalyse everything and doubt everything automatically. I don't know how to live like this. I can't help doubting if I even want to get better, as I doubt everything I think, I feel so helpless and keep trying to push forwards but have no foundations. Is this pure OCD or is it me, just complete self-doubt? Or both? Will ERP work with this kind of doubt? I don't know how to cope with this horrendous self doubt, it feels like there's no escape. Do any treatments work? Has anyone experienced this? I don't know what's going on or what to do. My brain is a mess, all my thoughts are wrong. Please help :((