So I think I am coming to realisation that I actually have OCD (I am 30 and previously said to my family I suspect I have ocd but went to the doctor for anxiety and as such have been subscribed Beta blockers but issues are still prevailing)
For a long time I have struggled with what I have call 'thought crime' which are thoughts of doing crazy things which I then get nervous I am going to do like driving my car into traffic, hurting people, hurting myself, having children and acting inappropriately, melting down in work presentations or running away from the alter at my impending wedding etc which scare me but I tend to be able to distance myself from those thoughts fairly quickly albeit they reoccur!!
I also for a long time struggled to leave the house quickly because I'd have to turn sockets off, touch the oven to make sure it was cold and ensure my door was locked (I still check the door and get my other half to watch me do it, it's very tiring but he accepts I don't want to do but need to for my peace of mind).
One of the biggest issues I experience though that I see so little written about it is an obsession over the urge to go for a wee and my subsequent trips to the bathroom. Whenever I find myself out of the house or without a toilet insight my thoughts start going into overdrive telling me I won't get access to a toilet when I need it or that that I'm desperate for the toilet and as such I become very anxious, I subsequently have to go to the toilet multiple times before I leave the house and will go everytime a toilet becomes available. I also avoid certain situations where I can't control my access to toilets like I won't let anyone else drive on long journeys because I freak out and I will avoid using buses, public transport etc as my thoughts make all of these situations feel very threatening.
Has anyone else experienced that type of thought and does anyone have any tips to manage it? I want to avoid the medication route if I can as I want to start a family soon and worry about the side effects.
Thanks!
