Marklake

I’m in therapy now and have been on and off since 15. It doesn’t help so I do feel as if I’m at a loss. I use to check things 10 times (doors locked, lights off and all that) which took ages to get out of my system but I think I’ve just ended up having another thing to worry about! Haha, thank you.

Unfortunately I see my family as dirty people when they’re not. This has lead me to not using the shower as I now see the shower as something “dirty” ive stopped washing my clothes at home because I see the washing machine as something dirty. I don’t cook in the kitchen anymore as I see it as something dirty. This has lead me to become dirty myself. I haven’t showered in 3 months. I eat take aways and I haven’t washed my bedsheets in 6 months. My room smells, I smell, I’m gaining so much weight it’s crazy. The only thing that will stop this getting worse is my own place. But even working full time I can’t afford that. I hate how bad I’ve let my life get. Why is my mind thinking not showering for months is cleaner than having a shower? Has anyone else ended up like this?

I’ve always done this...but it’s getting worse. When I get into bed, I completely change. So if I wanted to go use the bathroom I’ll need to change again, and change back when I get into bed. I just find all of that a lot of hassle. I’m not sure how I can stop this habit. And it’s not just that. I can’t use a bathroom right after someone. I find it really dirty. So sometimes I would feel like I’m in pain just waiting for a toilet. Has anyone else had this problem?