Caffledup

Thank you for the support. He seems more settled not being in work but it is still the intrusive thoughts that are the issue. He is not drinking, despite still wanting to. He now says this out loud rather than acting on it like before and seems to be aware that he needs better coping strategies. This is positive in itself. He is coming to terms with not being able to go back to work, despite it being a huge part of the pressures he was under. So much of his personal identity was wrapped up in the job. So I am hoping he can adjust. He has asked the GP a few times for an onward referral for support so I guess it's a matter of waiting or paying for it if he wants to go down that route. His siblings have withdrawn completely from him, but they are dealing with their mum who has sadly been in hospital since October herself. His sister chats with me but they don't seem to know what to say to him. Small steps, small successes I guess is how we are going forward. He was very pleased that he seemed to be able to employ some CBT to help him manage when he was struggling to put some clothes away. Complicated is a good description, but patience and perseverance on all sides needed. I have been supported through work to a degree, but understandably there are pressures to do my job as normal despite things at home. I have considered giving up and looking for something closer to home and with less responsibilty to help me manage how I feel. However not sure how we would manage financially so basically hanging on until his decision is finalised through work so I can make a decision. As you say, complicated. Thanks again

Early October, my husband was so desperate he took an OD. He survived, but not without sustaining longlasting damage. Sadly MH services are so poor, his GP has still not received his report from the Crisis team who discharged him from hospital, nor has he been offered any support or input since. No longer fit for work due to the damage he has sustained and no support for how he is going to have to move forward. Just as isolated and unsupported as before.

Hello and thank you so much for the advice. I think we both know this is the way to go, but as you say, he has to be ready to take those steps. More time, patience and gentle reaurrance and encouragement may be needed on my part. Useful to know that it's as important to look at the cognitive elements first. My remembrance of previous CBT for him, seemed to be more behavioural and maybe a different approach might work better for him. Thanks very much - I appreciate your time and advice very much.

Hi My husband had had OCD for most of his life, he thinks. He has continual intrusive thoughts and sometimes his checking behaviours can affect his routine but he always works hard not to allow this to affect others (usually successful). He takes his medication (and sometimes breakthrough meds for anxiety) but doesn't find his CBT works, feels he is too weak and can't keep doing it. He has always used alcohol overtly and covertly. But for a few years he has been stronger and able to manage his thoughts much better, was happier in himself and drank only is we were out having a meal. We have, personally, had a very stressful 2 years - I have had cancer and his mother is increasingly unwell and unsafe at home. His siblings continue to expect him to support her and do for her and pick up the pieces when things go wrong (as we live closest), when he disagrees with how they are handling things. We both work in the NHS (which we find enormously rewarding, but very stressful) and then Covid! Unsurprisingly, we have both struggled and still do but he is really not managing. He is covertly drinking, becoming overwhelmed, disappearing in the car for hours, disappearing on foot whilst drinkung/drunk, has stopped going to the gym or eating properly but the biggest issue is the fatigue. I guess the OCD alone would be enough to make him exhausted but everything else is adding to it. I often find him asleep when I get back from work and if he is awake he is so tired he is asleep by 7 if he can make it that long. This is having an effect on our relationship, family time and generally being able to do anything together. I am struggling to manage everything and feel very sad he is in this place again (not the first time he has been like this), sad I cannot help him more and actually very lonely despite lovely friends and gorgeous kids. Sounds selfish I know, but I miss my wonderful husband and worry for him. He is reluctant to seek further help as has had so many meds over the years and tried therapy etc but can't seem to try and so the little things that might help - go for walk, come out for lunch, sit in the garden and read. I can't make him do things but want him to want to help himself. Any ideas gratefully received... or maybe just knowing I'm not alone in feeling like this might give me a bit more strength Thanks all