agreatsummer

Thank you PolarBear, I think what you say is true, and otherwise I would not have sensed this feeling of contradiction inside of me that led me here to this forum to make this post instead of just insisting on the cleaning. I have tried watching some videos on OCD to reinforce my conception of the coping strategies, i.e. refraining as hard as possible from carrying out the compulsions and simply sitting with the anxiety while continuing with what I originally want to do. I have to say this is rather difficult for me, but I will try to implement that from smaller, relatively acceptable things onward first. I already had an assessment appointment back in November and there was a roughly 2-month wait until I could really start my first treatment session. I hope things will improve further with the guidance and support from the therapist.

Thank you Angst. It is definitely not a pleasant experience to have delivered items samshed or drenched. I had a somewhat similar situation where I purchased 2 large bags of frozen BBQ chicken wings and left them for a bit too long without putting them into the fridge. I had not expected that one of the packs was actually broken at an inconspicuous spot, and the marinade flowed out into my reusable IKEA carrier bag creating quite a mess. I had to dispose of the bag and change to a new one while obtaining a refund for the item afterwards. I assume one of the ways to prevent such things might be to add a little bit of thinking when placing the order, like avoid purchasing liquid items with fragile packaging and buying those in some other way, so that most of the other items you want are not impacted in case those are smashed. I have tried watching some videos on OCD to reinforce my conception of the coping strategies, i.e. refraining as hard as possible from carrying out the compulsions and simply sitting with the anxiety while continuing with what I originally want to do. I have to say this is rather difficult for me, but I will try to implement that from smaller, relatively acceptable things onward first. I already had an assessment appointment back in November and there was a roughly 2-month wait until I could really start my first treatment session. I hope things will improve further with the guidance and support from the therapist.

Having spent the past couple of days almost all in my flat, my level of anxiety has declined overall. Life had been difficult for me over a week ago when my unwillingness to go out and fetch my parcel of OCD medication (because of fears of contamination in the communal area of the building) eventually led to terrible withdrawl symptoms. I started to feel dizzy and sick, as if I was having a flu without a fever or respiratory symptoms, so now I was literally largely unable to go outside even if I wanted to. You see, that is actually one of the very tricky things about OCD - the problem itself can sometimes prevent you from getting what you need to mitigate it. Fortunately enough though, I succeeded in reaching one of my peers in an adjacent building who went to the delivery office to collect the parcel on my behalf. I took the medication and things improved within hours. Life has been generally fine since then. I ordered a groceries delivery and collected it last Wednesday evening. I have tried confronting some relatively acceptable fears to a certain extent and found that it was not as horrible as I might have expected, although I still needed to carry out some compulsions. I feel that another form of my contamination fears that remains unaddressed is that regarding phlegm or spit. For example, when I went downstairs to collect my grocery delivery again yesterday, I happened to see 2 people coming out of my building after I had crossed the road, and one of them spitted to one side of the main entrance right after he was outside. That aroused quite some fears in me, because I was very afraid that I could step on the spit or come into contact with it in some other way as I went back in through this only path. I deeply dreaded getting someone's sputum onto my shoe bottoms or other things and transferring coronavirus into my flat and then potentially spreading it onto other objects. So I tried to be very careful when I passed that part of my way, staying away from the door as I approached the other side of the main door that the person had not spitted toward. Luckily enough, I was able to return home not feeling really contaminated, although there are still voices popping out in my brain like, "Are you sure you did not tread upon any of the sputum?" "Could the spit have got onto the main door as well?" "Are the wheels and carrier bag of my trolley really safe from contamination?". I can largely sit with those thoughts, but a big problem for me is that I now feel trouble going outside of the building again, e.g. to dump trash or to collect another delivery. Such sputum fears have also troubled me a few time before, like coming across a person who happened to spit in front of me, or accidentally walking through an area near a contruction site where the workers (probably) had left a lot of marks from spitting on the ground. The results were that I had to throw my old shoes away and buy in a new pair. I do not seem to be able to tell the boundary between what is enough and what is not for such matters. I searched online and most doctors say the possibility of contracting the coronavirus through stepping on someone's phlegm is quite low, but I would remain trapped in the feeling of disgust that I could have those mucus on the shoes, potentially with the virus, and bring that along spreading it everywhere I went, especially within my own residence. Does anybody have any idea or opinion as to how to handle such situations?

Thanks Angst for your reply. As a matter of fact, I have always been going outside with a mask and disposable vinyl or latex gloves. It is just that even these do not seem sufficient to satisfy my OCD, which involves not only the fear for the virus but further leads on to the fear for the cleaning up I will have to carry out after there may have been contaminants coming inside of my flat. Actually food has indeed been a problem for me, as you may have deduced from my description. I have barely been to a physical shop in months, but even going downstairs to collect my grocery deliveries from a supermarket can prove arduous for me, as there can be so many chances of getting my clothes, shoes, items or trolley contaminated, like running into someone in the building or meeting a driver who does not care so much about mask wearing. Even receiving doorstep deliveries can be a mental challenge for me, as there may still be a chance that contamination of the items can occur. I have been taking various measures to reduce my anxiety, though these may not necessarily be the proper things to do from the perspective of treating OCD. I have called the customer service of all the supermarkets that I have placed orders with to require the drivers to wear a mask for all my future deliveries. Usually what I do is that I will go downstairs with my trolley some time in advance before the booked delivery slot and wait in a vacant spot for the driver to arrive, and once I see the van pulling over, I would go up there to instruct the driver to put on their mask before unloading the items. Of course I would be wearing a mask and disposable gloves (I would change to a new pair right after getting out of the building) while avoiding any unmasked person that I may come across in the process. For the parcel, I think I may still go out and collect it by myself. Every time I go out, I need to draft up a plan in my head beforehand as to how I can prevent the contamination that is intolerable for me. Currently the plan is to set out a bit early on the day and call a cab online directly to the delivery office, collect the parcel and head straight back home in another one. Since people are now required by law to wear masks on public transport and in post offices, the risk is considered to be relatively low. The problem I am now faced with is that the communal area is deemed contaminated, and therefore I cannot go out. But if it really causes a delay that is too long, I will have to go anyway though some more cleaning up may have to follow afterwards. Generally, my plan for the next month or so is that I will be calling in quite a few deliveries to stock up as many living necessities and as much food as to support me for at least 2 weeks or so, considering that the Omicron variant is spreading so rampantly throughout this country, and another lockdown may well be introduced soon amid the Christmas and New Year's Day period, which means that it will be quite dangerous to go outside and booking grocery deliveries may become more difficult than usual. I will probably just stay at home as much as possible, even minimising the chances of going downstairs for grocery collections, to prevent both the infection and the contamination fears.

Most of my fears revolve around the contamination of droplets from other people, which may contain coronavirus as so many around the UK have been infected with it. If something that belongs to me is deemed potentially contaminated (e.g. a cloth that I was wearing when an unmasked stranger was talking in my vicinity, a parcel that may have been placed in front of a delivery driver as they were talking to me without a mask), I would feel that the virus can spread to many of my other objects and remain there if that thing and all the other ones in contact with it are left unhandled. That gives me a feeling that things are getting out of control as there can be this dangerous pathogen around me everywhere. While I certainly would not deny fears for contracting the virus myself, I do not think that alone is quite beyond the normal level - it is essentially the feeling of having the virus around me and possibly spreading it onto even more objects that makes me seriously anxious. Over the past two months or so, I have noticed my contamination fears around COVID-19 worsen to a degree that I might call is way out of control. Before that, I mainly focused only on the environment within my own flat, but now my fears have shifted to include even the communal area nearby. I live in a flat at the end of a narrow hallway inside a fire door. If I hear someone talk, cough or sneeze in the area adjacent to my flat, I would feel very uncomfortable as I assume they could have contaminated the fire door the floor or even my front door with droplet potentially containing the virus. Thereupon, I would lock myself up in the flat for at least 3 days, which is the period the US CDC claims the virus is typically expected to die away natrually indoors, before I can go out or even receive another doorstep delivery. I think my doubts have aggravated too. Like a couple of days ago, I called in a doorstep delivery and the lift happened to be out of service, so the driver carried all the heavy packages upstairs to 4F manually. As I was expecting him by my front door, I heard the driver give out a sound like "Oh Shoo" when he reached my floor. That aroused my fears almost immediately since I assumed that the driver could have sneezed on my packages. I eventually had to throw all the things away, do quite some disinfection and take quite a few showers to get over all this. Another thing that is a bit worrying is that I have run out of the medication against OCD that I brought with me when I first departed for the UK. My family managed to get more prescriptions for me in my home country and mail those to me a few weeks ago, but for some reason the Royal Mail delivery driver just would not come into the building by themselves and leave the parcel on the collection shelf as usual. I arranged a redelivery but it was the same result. So now I have to go outside and fetch that parcel from the delivery office on my own. Hope I will be able to do that ASAP as I have already been off from my medication for 3 days and cannot go out because of the hallway and fire door deemed contaminated.

In truth, there's no particular hand hygiene needed after feeding the cat.....unless you're feeding it my hand. As you're finding already, this obsession is already creeping to more items that could be sticky and is likely to do more and more so. There isn't a problem with any of these things, only with the belief you have associated with them. As Bismah has asked, are you getting any help with addressing the OCD?

In the past few days, my symptoms of OCD seem to have aggravated, since I used to feel safe after something has been disinfected, but now I would be sensitive to the tiny pieces of dust (like the tiny fabric threads from cleaning cloths) left behind after wiping, because I would consider those as potential hiding spots of the virus that I have failed to cover. I would then have to repeat the disinfection process until there is no such thing in sight. I have searched on the Internet, and most of the information points out that the coronavirus can only live on surfaces for up to a few days. One of the publicised articles on the US CDC website, SARS-CoV-2 and Surface (Fomite) Transmission for Indoor Community Environments, states that "data from surface survival studies indicate that a 99% reduction in infectious SARS-CoV-2 and other coronaviruses can be expected under typical indoor environmental conditions within 3 days (72 hours) on common non-porous surfaces like stainless steel, plastic, and glass", and suggests that this 72-hour estimate is likely to be greater than the figure in reality, because that estimate is derived from experimental settings where conditions were sort of optimised for the survival of the virus. Therefore, there is actually no need to worry about the contamination of objects after a few days have elasped, since the viruses would have all died out automatically by then, if they were even there in the first place. I have been trying to get a bit closer to normality. I put some of the things that I have taken away back where they used to be, so that I could give myself a feeling that things have at least largely returned to how they were. I have been searching online for places where I may visit during the weekend, and I also plan to join a friend in travelling somewhere, so that I can overturn the situation of always being stuck in the flat and shift my focus to more interesting and meaningful things in life. I have tried to get back to practising what I study to sustain a relatively normal life as well as to distract my attention from the obsessions. And above all, I have contacted the mental wellbeing service of my university and a talking therapy provider to see what kind of support I may receive from them. I think things will get better over time. Although it may be difficult for the symptoms to be eradicated, it is possible to live with some of them at manageable levels.

I think I have had similar thoughts in the past at certain points, but eventually, I chose not to dig too deep into it. Understanding why you were the "lucky" one doesn't make any meaningful sense to your life. Fundamentally speaking, even causation itself is nothing more than the summary of the coincidences in this whole wide world. The explanation itself is actually an outcome of the results that are already there and cannot be altered. This is just the principle of nature and nothing more complicated than that. Just focus on who you are right now and enjoy your life for what it is.

Yesterday I recevied a notice by my housing agent that an engineer was to be sent to my flat today to inspect all electrical appliances for their safety (the PAT testing). They said this is a legal requirement and cannot be avoided. I specially asked the housing agent to let the engineer inspect my flat first, because I wanted to supervise the process while I would still be in. Today the engineer came at around noon. She was wearing a mask by herself when she dropped by, and I gave her some hand sanitiser upon entry. I was also wearing a surgical mask myself the entire time and kept the windows open. However, I still failed to conquer my fear for this virus, especially after I noticed that the engineer was sniffing a little bit. So after she left, I put away 3 electrical appliances that I felt hard to cope with onto the top of the fridge freezer, and spent the whole afternoon disinfecting all the other relevant surfaces in my flat. I even mopped the floor with bleach too, as I was worried that there might still be a minor residue of droplets on the ground. I feel really bad because I spent too much time on this and do not have time to study and practise, which causes a vicious cycle.

Hi Gemma, Thanks a lot for the information you provided. Currently I have made a self-referral to one of the mental health services in my city, and I am planning to have an appointment with my GP over the next weeks so that they may refer me to other sources which may provide help. As for medication, I have been taking fluvoxamine meleate, also commonly known by the brand name Luvox, under the prescription of the psychiatrists back in China.

Hi Angst, Thanks a lot for your reply. I have started to try taking things the easier way with ordinary precautions when I'm outside, though the steps I have been taking may still seem small at the moment. For example, I try not to stay excessively distanced from other pedestrians in the street with my mask on. I still avoid people who are talking or so and places that are crowded, but I seem to have gained some assurance that it is generally fine to come across people as normal. I have been double-jabbed before departure for the UK in China, with our domestic inactivated vaccine by Sinopharm, which has also been approved by the WHO. I think what I fear most is not really contracting the virus myself, because I know that wearing masks, maintaining social distance and practising hand hygiene are actually enough to prevent infection, and even if I were infected, I would most probably have mild symptoms and recover soon. What I am afraid of is the sense of loss of control and the guilty feeling of potentially spreading the virus in the environment. For example, if something related to me may have been potentially contaminated, like my clothes, my official documents or a facility in my flat, I grow very anxious because I would feel that I will be bringing the contamination onto other personal belongings, where the viruses will always remain and tag along with me in the future days, which is unbearable to me. I would also fear bringing such contamination out into the public, because I would feel that all the repurcussions that arise therefrom will be on my account, and it is uncertain who may come into contact with the viruses and what will happen. I just can't tolerate that feeling of risk and uncertainty, even though these may be minor. On one hand I would think, OK, there's no need to worry about that, but then on the other hand, I would think, oh man, how can you neglect such an apparent threat you may be accountable for? This may sound ridiculous and self-contradictory, but that's exactly the source of my tension.

Hi, folks. This might be a familiar topic for many of you, but I suppose it is still quite different from what most other stories may sound like. I am an international student from China who has come to study in a postgraduate programme here in the UK. Back home, I was diagnosed with OCD as early as in senior high, although I can actually recall having similar symptoms in elementary or even way before that. One of my major fears, as it is with numerous fellows, is contamination, especially with regard to pathogens, which, not surprisingly, include coronavirus. Some of you may have heard about how stringent the preventive measures are in China, where we have had very few local cases after the very first stage of the outbreak. Therefore, the fear for this virus existed inside of me yet was far from everyday life, so there was no chance it could be activated. However, as I had no choice but to leave that comfort zone to further my studies abraod for my personal prospects, that fear started to grow real and distinct. I even suffered sleeping problems during the months before my departure, which were so serious that I had to take sleeping pills from time to time. What is quite peculiar about me is that while I may also become worried about being harmed by the germs myself, the majority of my fear is derived from the feeling that I may be spreading them consciously yet unvoluntarily, expanding the scope of contamination in the environment. I am very scared of that sense of uncertainty and loss of control. For example, if there were something in my possession that I feel may have been contaminated, I would feel that if I don't do something about it and simply continue to touch and use it as usual, I will be bringing the virus everywhere I touch thereafter, which would result in an overwhelmingly unbearable mess. I would feel that I shall be held accoutable for all these consequences, and other people would be potentially at risk of infection, which would all be my fault because I did not get rid of the contamination when it was only affecting me myself. That guilty conscience drives me to be extremely sensitive and cautious, or even paranoid. To give you a real example, a few weeks ago, I went to the university service centre to collect my BRP and student card. During the process, one of the staff members at the counter happened to give a sneeze, and she subconsciously covered her mouth and nose with her hand. She then rammaged among the letters in the drawer to get my BRP card for me. Although the staff member was wearing a cloth face covering when she sneezed, I still grew very tense and anxious, because I thought that if she had been infected, she could be passing the virus onto my personal documents with her hands. After I returned to my flat, I disinfected the BRP and student card with alcohol, and even sprayed the enclosed letter totally wet on the floor until it dried up. However, I was unable to do so to my passport because it is so important and this could damage it. Therefore, the passport has remained a source of contamination for me since then. I wrapped it up in plastic bags and placed it inside a carton box in one of the drawers. Although it has been around 3 weeks since then, I still do not dare to touch it. I keep searching online for how long the virus can survive on surfaces, but whatever answers do not seem sufficient to address my concerns. And unfortunately (a strange word for this, huh?) enough, I will have to use it next week for my police registration, which further adds to my existing anxiety. This is just one example of the countless things that I encounter throughout my daily life. Besides that, I always remain extraordinarily vigilant when I go out, because I am very scared that people may contaminate my clothes with droplets as they walk past me talking, coughing or sneezing – in fact, I do not usually go out unless really necessary. I spend a lot of time doing cleaning work in my flat, but there never seems to be end to it. I want to live like my peers, who are also concerned about the virus but lead generally normal lives with ordinary protective measures like wearing masks, but I just can't.