Lewis96

Thank you for this, I do find it hard to redirect when the feelings of guilt and shame are strong. I hope that with time, redirecting do other things that mean more to me (and my future) can help me get over it.

Sometimes I can function at like 60% when it's there and sometimes I just fully stop.

Thanks for your response. How do I turn the page? This grey cloud is just constantly there, and it stops me from focussing on what I want because I feel I don't deserve it. How do I accept the uncertainty, I know this is what I need to do and I want to try. What sort of real-life exposures do you think would work for me? Lewis

See this is where I start worrying I was older, and when I say to myself "maybe it did, maybe it didn't, because it wasn't that bad" I'm always convinced that I was up to no good and being sneaky AND that If I wasn't stopped I would have done something worse. (which in my head is just as bad). I'm seeing a therapist but it's been two years and this is the one thing i am stuck on. I keep repeating it because it's just stuck. I feel I'm this bad person and it holds me bag pushing myself in my life. I used to want a family and kids, to be successful and achieve things but now I can't face any of that. I try and rely on my behaviour now, everyone says I'm a nice person but that black and white thinking makes me believe no matter how good a person I am now, thus one incident makes me bad. I'm trying to do ERP right now but not sure I'm doing it right. For 20 minutes each day I'm trying to replay the memory in my head without trying to solve it or think my way out of it. Just the memory and all the questions that lead off it without answering.

Think I need to accept this just don’t go away and return to how I was

Thank you everyone, fighting on through with good and bad days. Can’t help the feeling I’m a horrible person, hope one day that subsides again.

Hi everyone, im seeing a therapist right now, I recently changed therapist. So far only done some mindfulness which I just struggle to make work for me. I just keep wanting to sort the problem. L

Apologies, this post sounds a bit like I’m “giving up” which I’m not. I would never do anything harmful to myself that would hurt my family. I just mean I’m at my wits end with feeling like this and I need to have some sort of path to follow or some help.

I’ve no idea

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is doing good and striving on. I’ve been on here a few times, I’m asking today about how people overcome a mental block? Quick recap, a childhood memory from when I was 4/5, being in my underwear and saying to my cousin “this is what they do in the movies” before jumping and cuddling. Getting in trouble, and then that’s that. I have a great family, and no family member remembers this incident. My cousin, is also one of my closest friends, also doesn’t remember it and says not to worry etc. It’s been 2 years being seriously ill and stressed over this. My question is, I seem to have a complete mental block on myself that I cannot overcome. I started a business, and it potentially could be great but I don’t push it because I have this feeling of “your such a bad person you don’t deserve to be succesfull” I don’t go to the gym because my mind says “you don’t deserve to look good” I also don’t date because my mind is like, “how will you explain this to someone” I’m properly stuck and fed up with it now, really really fed up. No one is bothered by this incident, my worries are always; what if people can’t remember, what if my cousin was too young to remember, what if I was older, what if I can’t remember everything, what was I trying to do? If I hadn’t been stopped what would I have done etc etc etc, you get where I’m going. All this weighs me down, I used to be happy and full of life a few years ago, I was untouchable at times, now I’m a shadow of my former self and properly at my wits end. Is there anyone with a real event type incident like this that has had the same mental block and overcame it? I know people will say “just force yourself to do these things” but I swear it’s like I physically cannot. Thanks for any help and advice, L

Hi everyone, Just looking for people’s opinions on drinking when you have OCD are on Fluxotine or other related drugs? Im from the UK, where the drinking culture is pretty strong. I don’t really like drinking but I also don’t like missing out, however now I’m realising I think it’s hurting me much more. I used to be able to have a drink and not stress, but now sometimes the next week after drinking I really struggle. Thanks, L

Hello everyone, I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice I was given. I realised I actually hadn’t stopped to thank everyone on this thread who continues to offer support (even when I sound like a broken record) Thank you, we’re all strong together.

One of my biggest things right now, is not doing what I want to do because I feel I don’t deserve it. For example, pushing myself in my career, trying to better myself in life, there’s this mental block that just haults me, a voice saying “you don’t deserve that because of this”

I’ve been reading the book but I’m finding it hard to put into practice

Had a good spell but a bit rough again, still stuck on it! God I was free two years ago, I just want that back again. I know I didn’t do anything, but I feel if I wasn’t stopped I would have, and that’s just as bad. OCD is horrid at times.

I think another big thing, is what when I solve one bit, another pops up. For example, driving to work this morning I felt slightly better with music on, my main worry of “what was my intentions” had sort of died down, but suddenly I thought I was maybe 8/9 instead of 4/5, and my mind is racing tying to remember small details that could pin point my age. It kills me inside because two years ago whenever I thought of it, I would always say “it’s a false memory or if it isn’t, it ain’t a big deal” and I genuinely believed that. It was in an out my mind within a millisecond and gone for the day. I want that back. Why it makes me feel like this now I don’t know.

I’ve got the book but not really ever read it, but that will be my new task for over the weekend, thanks again, and I agree it’s been great advice.

Thank you for really good advice, I really do appreciate that and it’s nice to see other people who’ve been through this sort of situation and knowing I’m not alone. As I said the message before, do I let the thoughts come in? The “what age were you really, what did you try to do, what did you want to do” etc and just not answer? Or do I just shut them out when they come in?

Thanks John, I just feel that sitting with the uncertainty is so hard, I don’t want to be a bad person or someone who’s done a potential bad thing, and it’s hard to accept that may or may not be the case, god it can be so tricky all of this at times.

I know these are the things I need to try and do, I always get confused when people say “let the thought come in and sit there” then at other times, we’ve to ridicule the thought when it comes into mind. I feel that letting it just sit without sorting it, or telling myself I didn’t do anything, just makes me out to be everything I don’t want to be.

I know this is what I should be doing, but in my head I need to tell myself I’m not a bad person, and that no one was hurt, I feel I just can’t ignore it.

Okay thanks to you both, I’ll try and respond like that, I just doesn’t seem to quell the feelings of guilt and shame

So when they come in my head, what do I say, do and act?

That’s where I just get so stuck, I feel I can’t leave it alone, I feel leaving it alone is accepting I’m a horrible and disgusting person.

My worry is it was possibly against their will, or I was going to do something bad if I wasn’t stopped.