Sherbert

DRS1 - Thank you for your reply. She wouldn't go in on her own. I did wonder about that, and thought that over time she would build up to talking to the therapist without me. The CBT actually made her worse, she clung onto the rituals even harder and I've heard that if you're autistic a slightly different model of CBT is needed. I'm still confident she'll engage eventually, but I know it will be a slow process. I hadn't thought about the idea of home becoming contaminated if a therapist comes here, she doesn't really have that sort of OCD, However, that does make sense, home would then be tainted with the thing OCD hates the most - someone trying to stop it! I will ask her about online meetings if she fails to get to the next one. I know she doesn't like the idea of a camera (she worries about who else might be able to see her), but it might be easier than having to leave the house for a meeting. Thank you for that thought. Caring Parent, thank you for your message and your words of understanding - it's good to know I'm not alone. I know we accommodate out of love for our children, but I know ultimately it's wrong. I have asked her to choose one thing we can start with, but she says everything is too hard. You're right, I just need to choose something, give her some warning and go for it. I did try not picking her toothbrush up for her, but after 2 nights of it taking a long time, she just stopped cleaning her teeth completely! I think I should start with something like the jigsaws on the floor, if they get disturbed I won't put them back like I usually do. But, I know that if it comes to leaving her room, she won't be able to if the boxes are not straight. I'll try. I'll also look at the book you talk about. Camhs will give us a CBT person, who will initially work through me, and should help me with what language to use etc. Hi Ashley, yes, I agree that would be a good idea. I actually have a young colleague at work who is in recovery. I will talk to them both and see if I can arrange a chat between them. I appreciate all your advice, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. XXXXx

Hi, My 14 year old daughter has OCD. She has also recently been diagnosed with Autism. She is highly anxious all of the time and stopped attending school in June. A year ago we were all living normal lives, even 6 months ago things were relatively normal but the rituals and behaviours have escalated so fast. She now rarely leaves her room because she's 'stuck', I take all food up to her (the limited range of about 10 foods that she'll still eat anyway), she needs help with almost all tasks. She needs help to pick up her remote to watch TV, I have to pick things up for her all the time, like a toothbrush, her phone, a cup, anything! Sometimes I can read to her to help her get out of her room, this distracts her from the bad thoughts so that she can leave the room. Nothing in her room can be moved, and before she leaves or can go to sleep she makes me adjust anything that's not exactly right - eg, a jigsaw box on the floor not touching the bag next to it, the 2 empty deodorant bottles have to be positioned at the front of the desk, facing the right way with a slight gap between them and I could go on and on about the 100 or so other items and rules that she creates. It makes no sense to me - it's so irrational. On the rare occasions she does come out of her room she now can't come into the kitchen or the living room because she gets 'stuck'. She needs help to get in the shower and I have to do a routine of actions before she can get in. Obviously I try to challenge her and not do these things all the time. I NEVER win. She begs me, she cries, screams, shouts. I shout back and every day I tell myself I'm not going to shout today. I know I'm accommodating too much, but I literally can't stop, or we would never get anywhere and I'd never get anything done. I have tried ignoring her, but I can't do that when we have appointments and we have to leave the house (eg. getting a brace fitted this week, or a camhs meeting). We have met with a camhs worker once, she refused to go the the 2nd session. Camhs have an appointment to come to the house next week, but she says if I let them in the house she'll never be able to go downstairs again. She will not engage in therapy - we've tried private CBT and she will not disclose what the bad thoughts are. She doesn't want to get better - she thinks I should just accept that this is her now, and keep doing all these things for her, even though I hate doing them. I'm really beginning to dislike her. Sorry for the long post - anyone else experienced anything similar? I feel she needs to mature - some of it seems to be stubborn teenager - but I don't want to stop helping her if it will make her worse in the long run. She's obviously got lots of problems but I don't know how to help her for the best. And I'm tired and cry almost every day. How did we get here?