WorriedToHell
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Only time can make this sickening feeling go away. At the same time, do I KNOW what could happen in the future, so how do I approach that? How does that impact my view on the solution, which is time? In my opinion, the only solution is to be AS FAR AS POSSIBLE from human beings. Like I could dislike humanity anymore...
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It's hard accepting it and living with the realization that these monsters will come back and next time... Also have started to link this to past events, all the times, for example, that my dad have said that the mail was wet. It feels bad and I would want to see monsters getting what they deserve. I know many of you want me to feel compassion towards them.
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There is some vandalism where I live, and 2 weeks ago they went around looking into cars. Just before I saw them that time did I hear someone speak in the street, there are nobody out at night, so now I am pretty primed voices in the street=shady stuff. This very night did someone pee in my neighbour's mailbox, I got disgusted and confused and I called the police to no help, after waiting 2,5 hours did I fall asleep. I wrote a message and laid outside her door, and today I talked with her. Which I never do, never ever, but I had to and I called the police. They will come back, and it is totally random which house they take so next time.... What would you do? I have no empathy for people without empathy. A normal human would find this repulsive and I have germ OCD, things have happened in the past too btw, so my mind is linking together things. I am not there yet, the event in itself is sickening enough for me.
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Venting You know they worked so good and handled my problems there and then to such a degree that I cant help to feel a great deal of resignation. BUT i already knew and it has always been my philosophy that pills do one thing but come at you with another problem so not like I sit here TOTALLY shocked. More disappointed.. That's not my main problem here, I got anxiety when I read the study. No matter your cumulative dose you get an increased risk of dying from heart problems after you have taken this substance. Now I hope that the doctor can give me something for anxiety that I can tolerate riskwise. They won't probbly ever give me benzo again but then I have to try whatever they are ready to subscribe I guess. I have reoccuring depressive periods and I will absolutely need something that can give me some relief in those heavy periods.
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According to a big study published last year. It didn't matter AT ALL what dose you took. And they seem to count cumulative dose over your life. I took 10 pills this winter when I feelt really bad and it helped. Read the study today and sit here now and have a hard time breathing. It really sucks that all medication just seems to bite you in another way ... It fixes your head but then you die by a heart attack. Great
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Hit an old man. Feel like a monster
WorriedToHell replied to WorriedToHell's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
I should have had my eyes on the road for sure and it wouldnt had happened to be honest -
So I was out cycling and I was passed by a cyclist so I held to the right and suddenly I feel a touch to my shoulder. There was this old man ( which possible was slow because he didnt say that much). it was raining and he was looking down. Held his jacket over his head. I gave him my name and begged for forgiveness acouple of times. Then I returned and begged him for forgiveness 2 min later too. I catched up with him. I feel bad and I dont know his name because he didnt say that much.
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I had to go back today. BEause I lost my keys to my lock and I had them when I went out. sooo 2 things. 1. I found shards from a broken glasbottle at the place, was it there yesterday? If so, there had to be saliva there, small sure but still smalla mounts... 2. Did I fall because of the bottle? If so what's that. That's how my mind works. Terrible.
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I am mostly confused about how normal people react to be totally honest with you. CBT always tells you to "react like normal people" -- So I guess I am just arguing with myself, how strange it is that I care more about the ground being filthy than the fall, that's what normal people would do I guess. ---- ALSO, this is a compulsion in itself, to tell you guys and if someone writes "HORRIBLE", well then I know. It's over.