arlets

I had gotten two batches the month before but while collecting another medication, I ordered another instead of collecting I procrastinated going to the pharmacy for a month. Now, I'm afraid to pick it up due to being afraid of confrontation and resurgence of some of my symptoms including cognitive distortions such as mind reading.

I'm almost 20 and I have been struggling with a specific theme of OCD(Harm and Responsibility) for the past 2 years that has been hard to overcome compared to the previous themes that I have faced before. My OCD affects my relationship my ability to interact with others as I may cause them harm and when I'm on my own I'm too worried thinking obsessively about other people and whether or not I may have caused them harm.This has affected my ability to go out in public and go to college. I take medication for OCD and go to therapy and I'm trying to work on overcoming these thoughts. However,lately I've been becoming more suicidal because over the course of a week my life varies between being optimistic about the future and when I hit rock bottom I become intensely suicidal .An example of one of those bad days was yesterday not only was I about to kill myself there was nothing holding me back and even I don't know what I'm living for.I realised that this cycle would probably repeat and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I'm all alone in this and society(including family) expects me to man up.When I was meeting my responsibilities there was no problems but the one time I get sick I'm like something disposable.Does it look like I want to be ill? People around me usually say to me:Have you tried being positive?Just ignore the thoughts.Be more religious. Clearly I haven't tried it before. I just want to have a normal life and be free of these thoughts I'm tired.

Im 19 and my OCD and intrusive thoughts have gotten much worse, I'm trying my best to keep up with the course but my intrusive thoughts are affecting my ability to go to school and sit in a classroom.The type of intrusive thoughts are disturbing and keep me in state of anxiety and waiting in fear of impending doom(thinking something bad will happen). I've come to this conclusion but it will be hard to convince my parents to accept my decision.I have also left another career option due to the intrusive thoughts acting up in the same period of time.I feel alone and unstable and can't continue my normal schedule like everything is normal.