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Purplegirl

Bulletin Board User
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    Living with OCD

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  1. Hello, What is your advice and experience when you've been able to tackle some of your OCD (I've had some therapy sessions, now waiting to have an assessment to hopefully be able to get more), but then notice a new 'theme' or different thing appearing? I want to be able to stop it affecting me as soon as possible and not let it get the better of me like other areas of OCD did because I didn't realise what it was etc. People talk about 'using your tools from therapy' but to be honest, I'm not really sure what that means. Thank you
  2. I could do with some advice and other perspectives on this. I've been doing CBT with ERP therapy via video calls for several months now and I'm coming to the end of my allocated sessions. My therapist, for the past few weeks has had the goal of getting me to go meet her in their office and then go out in that city and do exposures with her in one of my last sessions with her, which will be in about 2 weeks time. In the past couple of weeks I've been doing exposures of just going outside on my own for short walks, for the first time in long time. At the moment, after a few weeks of doing this type of exposure I've gone from stepping out the door on my own, to doing about a 20 min walk in my area on my own. My therapist wants me to walk about 15 mins, get on a train, walk from train to the office (only a few mins walk), do an hour of exposure work with her, then make the journey home again on my own. This will be in a city nearish to me, but a place I don't think I have ever been on my own, and barely ever go even with someone (not due to OCD, but because it generally isn't a nice area and if know to not feel particularly safe). All this added up, makes it feel like way too much for me to be able to do in two weeks time. I've come so far over the past few weeks and sessions, but my therapist is now wanting me to make this massive leap, I am thinking about it so often just don't see me being able to do it, or even wanting to do it. I've told her this during my last session that I didn't feel ready for it and was very worried about it and she said that at the moment that's fine and normal but i'll get there in the next 2 weeks and be able to do it. I feel like I'm being pushed so she can tick some boxes or something, as she says she wants to see me in person before the end of my sessions, and talks about other people who she's helped and they've met up with her. but it's the place, and the nature of meeting up that's so hard for me, only a couple of weeks ago I couldn't even leave the house on my own, I'm so happy how well I've done, but this just seems like a crazy leap for me. I don't know what to do, I've tried to express how uncomfortable about this but she seems adamant that I've got to do this. Thank you for reading and for any advice on this.
  3. Hi everyone, I'm unsure about what best to do in regards to a challenge/exposure planned by my therapist. during the past few weeks I've been doing various exposures with different 'types' of my OCD, one of which is for contamination, where I've had to rub my hands on a object, then touch other things after, without cleaning my hands inbetween, this has been going fine over a few weeks and I'm feeling better about it. Recently at my latest therapy session, my therapist wanted to do this with a new item, she chose it and then did it infront of me, then got me to do it too, in the session, it is something that is much higher up my ladder than the thing I've doing for the last couple of weeks. On reflection, a day after my session, I really feel like this is a big jump up from what I've been doing and really don't feel like I can do it, I've been asked to do it at least once a day, but at the moment I don't feel like I can do it at all. I'd like to sort of compromise by picking something a bit lower down my ladder, but related to the new thing, as like a step in the right direction but a stepping stone on my way up. I am not able to contact my therapist until my next session, which is in less than a week from now, she is expecting me to have done it, but I just can't right now. Is it okay for me to just decide on something else to do an exposure for myself, along the same lines but something that wouldn't be as far up my ladder? I don't want my therapist to think I'm not engaging in things and not doing well or anything. Thank you for any advice and insight.
  4. I'm doing treatment with a therapist and they have what I feel like is an unusual approach to ERP. When I'm set new 'experiments' to do, I'm always set two different things each time I'm given a new one. The first is to do whatever compulsion we are aiming to tackle at least twice the usual amount of times I would do it (for varying times depending on what it is, so either at the time of doing it, a full day, an evening etc, it varies) and then on the second experiment to tackle the same thing (a couple of days later usually) I have just completely stop. For example lets say I'm trying to stop hand washing for contamination OCD, my experiments this week would be on Monday, however many times you would usually wash your hands on average in a day, do it twice as many times for that day. Then on Wednesday that week don't wash your hands at all. Then record predictions, outcomes etc. Another example, let's say I always check all windows are closed before going to bed. On Monday, however many times you usually check the windows, check at least twice as many times as you usually would. Then on Wednesday don't check at all before going to bed. Then record predictions, outcomes etc. I am finding this so hard, doing the first part of it is okay, apart from obviously time consuming and feels excessive (of course, but I understand it's part of the experiment and there are reasons for it so I do it), but I am finding having to just fully stop out of nowhere things I have done for ages and things I of course feel the need to do to, then being told to fully stop for the day so hard and I just don't know how to do it. My therapist says I just have to do it. Anyone any advice please on how to do this? I really want to progress and do well with this therapy, but I'm finding it hard, I've told my therapist I'm finding it hard to just stop and they say 'well it is going to be hard'. I'm just not sure how to just stop, or how this type of experiments are effect right now. Thank you for any help and advice.
  5. Hi Angst, thank you for your reply. I'll try explain that bit that you're asking about better with an example. Someone has to check their oven is off several times before leaving their house. The therapist then sets them an experiment for this coming week, they ask them to pick one day in advance to leave the house and not check at all, and to record what they think will happen before they do it, then record what actually happened when they did the experiment. But to carry on as they usually would be doing the rest of the days in the week. Hope that makes more sense. The keep doing this with other compulsions. This confused me also, as I thought doing it in stages and gradually doing a compulsion less, to then stopping altogether was the usual way.
  6. Hi Northpaul, thank you very much for your response. Sorry yeh I realise I didn't word it very well, I meant more 'unknown' to me, as all i've heard of was ERP with the ladder/heirachy, and the sometimes breaking up some of the things on there into smaller steps too. Great that it sounds like you're getting on well with tacking it!
  7. I am currently in therapy, and am several sessions into it, we are now starting to do experiments after having been doing lots of work on CBT. I hope I can explain this well enough. My therapist has explained to me that I won't be doing standard ERP and that it is something else that is similar but not quite the same that is called 'behaviour experiments'. She has said the aim is to try change the belief that I have about certain things by, challenging the belief by doing these 'experiments'. She explained that where ERP has the ladder and you gradually work up it, and with each thing do it is steps when necessary, for e.g. if you wash your hands after touching a certain thing 5 times, with ERP you will reduce it, by going own to 4, 2, etc etc. that with these experiments, its not about reducing it gradually but picking certain things to target and then just stopping it on one occasion to start with (e.g. don't use hand sanitser on a certain afternoon at all) and the doing it again another time and seeing what happens. She has said that this behavioural approach works well for the way my OCD works. Does anyone have any insight into this, any experience with doing this? anything I can read about this type of experiments? as at the moment it sounds pretty scary to me and I've not heard/read about this particular approach. Thank you very much!
  8. Thanks for your reply Handy. I've not seen this layout before and unsure what you mean.
  9. Hi Snowbear, thanks for your reply. That's what I thought, that it just doesn't seem very helpful to try 'figure out where it all came from' as I'm unsure how that will help with recovery. and I'm having a hard time trying to think of events that my therapist wants me to come up with for this excercise. I think I understand them? from my understanding Core beliefs being beliefs within that we think of ourselves, the world etc such as 'I am not a good person' 'people can't be trusted' etc. and Automatic Negative thoughts are bad thoughts that aren't helpful such as 'something bad will happen to me' and 'I am not going to succeed in....' I think? but I'm still not really sure to be honest, which is probably why I just don't get this homework.
  10. Hi Snowbear, thanks for your reply. That's what I thought, that it just doesn't seem very helpful to try 'figure out where it all came from' as I'm unsure how that will help with recovery. and I'm having a hard time trying to think of events that my therapist wants me to come up with for this excercise. I think I understand them? from my understanding Core beliefs being beliefs within that we think of ourselves, the world etc such as 'I am not a good person' 'people can't be trusted' etc. and Automatic Negative thoughts are bad thoughts that aren't helpful such as 'something bad will happen to me' and 'I am not going to succeed in....' I think? but I'm still not really sure to be honest, which is probably why I just don't get this homework.
  11. Hi, thanks for your reply. I've often heard people say that with OCD the past isn't that important in recovery and that it's best to look at the present and future and why it happens 'doesn't matter' but I don't know how accurate that is or not though! I guess it could depend on each person and their situation, I just don't really understand why they've asked me to do it or even how I'm supposed to know what to write down!
  12. I am a bit lost with my therapy homework and would be very grateful if someone could help me to understand what I'm supposed to do. My therapist is away at the moment and won't be back until my next session so I can't ask her about it. I have been given a Core Beliefs Rules sheet that talks about Negative Automatic thoughts, Rules for living, Core Beliefs about yourself, others and the world. I have been asked to make a timeline list/bullet point events from my whole life that I think have lead to me having OCD, using the Core Belief sheet to help. I'm supposed to think of big and small events that have happened that I believe might be linked. I have no idea what this really means, I can think of 2 things that have happened that might be linked but nothing else, but have been asked to think of things throughout my life. So if anyone can give me any examples or help explain this differently to me as I just don't get what I'm supposed to do at the moment and feel l must be missing something. Thank you very much.
  13. Hi! I have an enquiry of something I'm trying to understand. When it comes to ERP, weather intentional or accidental and you're told to 'sit with the anxiety and thoughts and they will pass' I know there isn't going to be any sort of set time that it will pass as it depends on the person and what it is, but sometimes one thing can feel like I'm worrying about it days and days later and it's not getting better! Not sure how to deal with that, and when it's there for ages, start to question of it is OCD then or if it is something that I actually should be worrying about?! Thanks
  14. Hello there! I've just started new therapy sessions (been given higher intensity after a short course of lower) and I've virtually met my new therapist who talked me through all about what's going to happen, what's going on with me etc etc and it all made sense and sounded really good, until near the end she said within the next couple of sessions she'll decide which 'path' we should be going down with the therapy. I was confused by this and asked for more information about it, and she basically said there are 'two different protocols to CBT' and she'll decide which would suit me best. From my understanding she was talking about 'cognitive' and 'behaviour' being separate 'protocols' as she said the behaviour one would be to do things, such as changing behaviour to help with changes to thoughts and the other one will me a 'more cognitive' model, which the more cognitive one she said is usually been the best of to help with OCD. I'm confused what she means by this as I thought the more intense therapy would be a combination of all of CBT and ERP. I asked what about the ERP I'd recently started doing with my previous therapist (ver short course, with short sessions) and she said to keep doing the few things I'd been doing but not to start anymore/more up my ladder at all for now. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'm not very experienced with having therapy but I think I have an understanding the basics and I'm just really confused by this now. Thank you for any insight and explanation.
  15. I don't have a job at the moment due to OCD, I'm trying to find some online work so that I don't have to leave the house for work (I'm doing therapy at the moment, and hoping one day I'll be able to go out to work again, but at the moment I can't). A few members and family and friends regularly ask me things like 'do you have a job yet?' 'how's the job hunt going?' 'aren't you bored of being home and not working?' etc etc. they don't mean any harm but it gets so annoying and also upsets me as it makes me feel like a let down and a failure, lazy etc for not being out and working. I sometimes don't speak to people for a while to avoid possibly being asked, yet again, about work. No-one is relying on me for earning money etc, it's just myself and my partner, and he works full time and I pay my own way with savings. Just wanting to vent a bit I guess to people who might understand how I'm feeling about this. (Also, if anyone has any suggests on work from home things, that would be amazing so I can get earning again and also feel like I'm doing something good.)
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