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Thanks everyone. This is all helpful - and on further reflexion I think you are right. It's not OCD. Picking it all apart I think my tendency to focus on a single thing to the exclusion of all else is just my personality - 'mad inventor' type. Most of the time it's not a bad thing - it's only when I'm really stressed (such as by lockdowns) that it starts to get unhealthy (it gets tainted by explosive emotional outbursts). However, my chaos isn't helping my husband's OCD, and his OCD stresses me making me more chaotic. So you've helped me to identify a vicious cycle!! Just having this realization has helped us to reorganize a few things and already it's made a big difference. Thank you all.

Hi, I'm a similar age to you and we've just discovered that my husband has OCD. It sounds similar to yours. We're new to this, but two things that I can recommend (if others with experience agree): 1. Get your wife to read up on OCD and find out how she can help you. 2.I found some guided meditation for OCD on youtube. I set up the bedroom with calming lights, scented candles and hubby goes in each evening for an hour (with the dogs) and just relaxes and listens. Early days, but one in particular he said made a major difference to how he felt. He doesn't remember anything about the video, but just felt much better. This won't work alone, but it might help you to relax and feel better. This is the one he liked, but there are loads to choose from: EDITED: Link to hypnosis session removed. Hypnosis is not a recommended method for overcoming OCD. Better to stick to simple relaxation videos for the anxiety and learn how to apply CBT for the OCD.

Hi all! I'm 59 years old and only just starting to realize that I have a pretty serious mental health problem that renders me unable to function normally! I've only recently noticed this due to my ability to do what I need to do in order to feel happy or content. I'm rarely depressed. Although since lockdown stress levels are high and it's hard to ignore how abnormal I am. I've become a (content) recluse. I'm definitely 'weird' now. It's only now occurring to me how abnormal I am - it's all disguised by layers of coping techniques, and I've managed to get to where I am now (comfortable, secure and on the face of it - I think - seeming fairly normal) because others have looked after me. I'm far from what you'd typically think of as someone with OCD - I am utter chaos. I can't tidy my house, can't hold down a job, can't be trusted with a credit card as I lose it so frequently. I go out leaving the front door open, the absolute opposite of obsessed with cleanliness. . If I don't go out and see others I won't bother to wash for days. None of this bothers me - I just shrug it off. I was tested as being above average intelligence as a child, but I simply couldn't pay attention. It wasn't an ADHD type thing - more just too bored. I'd rather just hide away in a quiet corner and day dream or doodle. Yet later in life I went to Uni and got a first class honours degree in Computer Science - proving that I CAN focus. The trouble is, when I do focus on something it's to the exclusion of all else - obsessive, one track mind. Everything else is neglected. I couldn't have children - I would have neglected them. When asked to look after my niece I was absolutely obsessive about doing everything right, but I wouldn't have been able to sustain that if I'd had my own and sooner or later they'd have been neglected. I was taken to a child psychologist at about 14 years old but I didn't speak. I couldn't. He just got annoyed and said 'there's nothing I can do if you won't speak to me'. I don't think they understood selective mutism back then. They also gave me an intelligence test as it was thought that I lacked confidence or was afraid of failure - but it wasn't that. I knew I was smart and loved showing off in the test. Pre teens I wasn't competitive and didn't show off - I didn't care what people thought of me. I just craved comfort and safety. But in my teens I started wanting to be noticed, to get attention - but I simply didn't know how to interact normally. So I did crazy, self-destructive stuff to get attention. Looking back, it's very clear that I had Selective Mutism as a child, and that continued well into my 20's. I think the driving force in me is avoiding feeling bad - keeping safe. So either I sleep, doodle, day dream, research and plan obsessively, or talk endlessly - going over and over and over the same things (I tend to do this when I'm anxious). So 'trainspotter' type boring but with speed and intensity. I appear normal and confident on the surface (I reign in the talking with strangers and can do smalltalk well). Nowadays I can talk confidently to absolutely anyone, have no fear of new places - I seem exceptionally bold and confident. New people I meet seem to like me and respond well to me. But I can't take relationships beyond that superficial level - I think because I don't know how to do more than that. The real me is obsessive to the point where people would run a mile. I don't have a single friend. I don't even have family (other than husband) that I have anything more than a very shallow relationship with. And I'm kind of content with this....but I know it's abnormal. I'm happily married to a man that we've just realized has OCD. He's the opposite of me - whereas I'm chaos, he needs to control. He doesn't really do repetition, but that's because he has very strict, set ways of doing things to ensure that nothing can be forgotten. He has all the classic intrusive thoughts. But it's dawned on us both that my obsessive researching and talking is identical to his OCD. Rather than doing it to avoid intrusive thoughts, I do it because it's soothing. I like the obsessive talking, I enjoy researching a topic to death. I could ruminate endlessly. If I'm not doing these things I just sleep, or sit in a corner and daydream or doodle. I do these things to avoid having to do the mundane - tidy the house, do the dishes, pay the bills etc. Inability to do things like tidy the house is a bit like the inability to talk when I was younger. It doesn't bear scrutiny - why is doing the dishes SO hard? When I do manage to make myself just get on with it I usually enjoy the feeling of calm I get from the mundane. But it doesn't seem any easier the next time I try to do it. So I spend my life setting up exciting projects that will motivate me to get the mundane done. Every so often I'll have a spotless house, but most of the time it's chaos. I can appear to be brilliant. For a year or two I can hold down a job and be a shining star. I am great in a crisis. I can solve other people's problems. But always I need a very strong stimulus - I can't just do routine. Looking back over my life - I leave carnage and chaos in my wake. Everything ends in emotional outbursts. I think my mum was the same, but she managed it much better than me. Late in life (late 70's) she was diagnosed with bipolar (which developed after being given Prozac to treat tiredness). Her GP once said to me 'your mum has been like this for decades' - but I disagree. I don't think it was bipolar - I think it was a similar thing to me where she'd be absolutely brilliant when she managed to find a stimulus to motivate her, but lazy (never depressed) when there was no strong stimulus. Sorry - this is long - par for the course for me!! Does anyone recognize this behaviour - could it be a form of OCD?