Warks1992

That’s how this feels. I feel like every time I make a bit of progress that I then go and take two steps back. The recent bank holiday weekend I actually felt really good. I took my daughter out on the Saturday and then painted the garden fence and watched the football on the Sunday. I managed to dismiss the the thoughts with ease and limit rumination. I always find work a struggle though and my theme switched. I then compounded the situation by doing silly things such as googling and getting myself worked up. 2 weeks ago I felt I was making brilliant progress and now I’m a wreck again. The thought of going to work tomorrow makes me feel sick. I went to Nottingham today to watch the cricket and I’ve just had to leave because I was sitting there ruminating and not enjoying it. Another weekend ruined.

That is fantastic. Well done you!

Would be good to read as obviously most of the stuff on here is negative. I think forums like this are great for trying to understand OCD but sooner or later it would be best to stop coming on here as every second spent the forum is rumination.

I’m so scared, how could I do that to someone? I’m convinced I’m going to prison and I deserve it. I feel like apologising again but know it won’t make a difference. I hate this.

Thank you for replying. What is annoying is that the girl in question obviously doesn’t care what happened that night so obviously hasn’t been bothered what happened in anyway and yet my mind still can’t let it go. I do feel like as time passes the anxiety is gradually getting lower but it’s such a slow process full of ups and downs. Last Saturday for example I felt almost normal. I took my daughter out for the day and was able to dismiss the thoughts with ease and they were less frequent. Then I have a bad day and feel almost back to square one. I suppose posting on forums like this one is something I need to stop doing as it means I’m ruminating.

Thanks for the reply. When you say “it’s no coincidence that you have these thoughts” what do you mean? That it’s OCD?

Anyone?

Hi there, I’ve only just sort of realised that what I have been suffering from for the last 6 or 7 months may be OCD. So I started suffering from anxiety about a year ago following the birth of my daughter. I guess I struggled with the adjustment to parenthood. This anxiety came with a range of symptoms that were quite debilitating. I believe this turned into OCD in late October. I remember a memory popped into my head and having a bad reaction to it. Then this memory just kept replaying itself in my brain over and over and over. I’m 31 and when I was 17 I was at a house party. Me and a girl kissed a couple of times and then later on in the evening I thought I’d “try my luck” so to speak. She was lay next to me on a couch when I put my hand on her breast. She didn’t stop me so I very drunkenly attempted to lick her breast. At this point one of her mates came in the room and dragged her away from me. I realised even though she never told me to stop that she was probably in no state to consent to what I had done. The next day I apologised because it was clear I’d overstepped the mark and we remained friends for a while. I mostly forgot about the incident for 14 years. Whenever I’d remember it I’d have a regret but I’d be able to let it go. Now though that memory comes with a massive dose of anxiety and guilt. I can’t stop ruminating about it. A few months ago I had the urge to contact the girl again and apologise once more. She must’ve thought I was mental. She told me not to be stupid and to get on with my life. She’d never even thought about that night since and I should be reassured that it was just a silly thing that happened between two very drunk teenagers. Her words reassured me a few hours but then the memory just kept on coming back with new thoughts: “sex offender”, “you’re going to jail”, “your daughter deserves better than a man like you”. I so wish I could take back what happened but I can’t and it feels like I need to punished by feeling like this forever. It was during a Google search that I came across “real event OCD” which is now what I think I maybe suffering from. Is it possible to recover from this? I’ve come across some videos on YouTube which seem to match what I’m suffering from.