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Cos I know deep down it's all BS. It's the OCD brain trying to investigate to ruin things. We just got engaged in New York and I feel it's trying to mess that excitement up. My logical brain is thinking also "if he was talking to these people he would delete them off the list" as he was as shocked as I was when I saw the profile name. Does that make sense? Cos I know deep down it's all BS. It's the OCD brain trying to investigate to ruin things. We just got engaged in New York and I feel it's trying to mess that excitement up. My logical brain is thinking also "if he was talking to these people he would delete them off the list" as he was as shocked as I was when I saw the profile name. Does that make sense?

I totally get what you mean, it's made me think and realise. So keep this to myself and not even mention it again to him? I appreciate your time talking to me

Hi guys Can I get some advice pls from anyone that is snapchat savvy Basically my partner was showing me some new filters and had a friend suggestion which he gets daily as he doesn't have many contacts. He clicked on it and there was a profile that was called "add me if you are into farts" no mutual friends or anything in contacts He had no idea who or what this profile is and that was that. But knew everyone else on his suggestions Then my brain went to "what if hes cheating" I went down a rabbit hole on Google and nothing much came back, other than the person maybe a mutual friend. So I added this person on my profile and all of a sudden got about 20 didfrent gay find friends suggestions. So my mind is now thinking has he got a secret man on his snap and that's why this reccomendation came up? I trust him but this has spun me out and don't know how to tackle the subject

Is that a compulsion in itself?

I went on my iPad at work yesterday and found the same hidden apps tab in the settings so it's on all apple devices. Now I know this my mind is trying to latch onto what exactly did he say word for word when he said he doesn't have hidden apps days ago. My mind does this ALOT that I have to remember exactly what people say and I obsess over it

There is no reason for any of it tbh. He has done nothing wrong

Hey thanks for the reply. So just see it as an ocd thought rather than confessing it to my partner?

Hi guys, I am having a terrible time with the urge to ask my partner to see something on his phone. My ROCD is in over drive as we go to NY for our holiday we saved a year for and its my boyfriend bucket list holiday this Thurs. I have been twice before but feel extremely stressed as i feel it has to be perfect for him and I can't remember much on navigating around etc. So the issue is a few nights ago he was showing me some settings on his iPhone as I now have a work I pad (I'm a samsung user) and didn't know all the functionality. I saw hidden apps by the deleted bin area and I joked do you have any and he was like "no why would I and your samsung will have a similar feature" something like that Fast forward to Friday night and he was trying to change some tones on his notifications as they trigger me. And we went into the settings to do it and right at the bottom is saw the hidden apps button which is where it lives in the settings (I googled it) I am now desperate to ask him to go back to the settings and press the hidden apps button to show me. I feel terrible as I completely trust him and I know this is an invasion of privacy and I have 0 reasons to be concerned. I feel my brain is trying to ruin the holiday. Help!!

Absolutely trust and respect him. I hate how my mind is trying to twist everything and make up its own narrative towards him Do I just see it as a trigger when it happens as I'm more vulnerable right now? Thanks again

@snowbear what would you advise to get through this? It's keeps manifesting itself especially when I'm sad and tired

I am so sorry to hear this. It's heartbreaking. Feel free to dm me if you even want to talk x

Thank you, I understand now I did just that and it was fading in my mind until today I found out the cremation date of mum and all these weird "what ifs" and urges came flooding back. Is it my brain trying to distract me from my heart break? I don't understand why it's try to make me lose everything My thoughts were like "what if that was his picture you saw on tinder but swiped away too fast to see" "what if that was him on that tinder checker site but the picture was blurry as you had to pay to see fully" as both pics had a nature background which he has had too in pics. It's desperate! The urge to check both again is insane.

Sorry friend, what do you mean by drawing a line under it?

Thank you guys for your replies and sorry for my outburst the other day. I'm very much embarrassed by it I went back to work today and it was tough but helped keeping busy The thought is still there and I want to still talk to him again and again about it but I know that's a compulsion and no good would come of it It's thd not knowing of how or why it showed up on his PC. Im almost certain it was my doing during falling down a rabbit whole moment and not realising. I know him and his heart and wouldn't do this but it's so hard to stop the "what ifs" or wanting to invest a losing battle.

I feel that I am not liked here hence why I don't post anymore. So please delete the thread please mods and I will leave you all be

Thank you, that's very kind of you

Hey all. I hope you all had a lovely time over christmas. Ive not been here for ages but i am really struggling atm On Christmas eve i feel like I did something to self sabotage my Christmas as my mum passed away a week ago and I have been dreading it. I went on my partners PC to wrap some work up for Christmas and went to the start option and was desperately trying to find a distraction from my pain or to hurt myself even more which would be my partner cheating on me (I have ROCD) I typed in GR on the start screen button and the logo of grindr came up and i went into a rabbit hold frenzy. This is where it gets confusing and I cant remember fully what I did. But I typed the letters TI and tinder showed up at the top with a circular arrow icon with a clock inside which I found out means history or recent search. I went into a complete meltdown and searched his history. Absolutely nothing. I even stupidly downloaded tinder and couldn't see him anywhere. Feel shocking for doing this It all happened in such a anxiety blur and soo fast and I confessed what I did to him when he came home and he was deeply upset. He has looked after me during this awful period of grief I'm going through and I made him swear on our dogs life or his mothers that he hasn't been on. He didn't want to cos his mum and my dog are old and felt terrible that I wanted him to do this.. He eventually swore on mine and his life that he hasn't been on the site since we met 5 years ago. I believed him as I know him with my heart but why did it show right at the top as a recent search (I could have done it but forgot previously checking) and why choose us to swear on. I know I'm being pathetic here I feel absolutely terrible and this has now just added to the pain I am going through atm. He even went on the pc to try and solve it for me to see why it came up. He never uses it for anything other than work and didn't even like me typing in tinder or grindr How can I get past this? I love him so much and he has done so much for me I feel like i am pushing him away since and keep ruminating over it

Hi guys So I used to take notes of my triggers alot on my phone of situations which i found out was memory hoarding and 9/10 never read them again. These were always ROCD thoughts. I have gotten better at not doing it so much but today I had a slight almost blip. I found a note / pic on my phone from last June and it has a written outline of the problem and I always sign it off as ocd of I know its BS. This note in question was around my partner again but I can't remember the exact situation fully or the outcome and my brain is desperate to speak to my partner about it and find out what happened. He was very upset at the time so I don't really want to cause him any distress again as it was so long ago and never surfaced in my head since How can I get around this please?

Sorry mate you are struggling too today. I guess on the ocd angle is if I asked him to check and saw nothing to worry about my mind will be like "what if he deleted the messages with that word in" Does that make sense?

Very true mate. We are v hungover today after I passed alot of exams Last week so we had a celebration, so I will find it extra hard not to talk about it today Do I even mention the want of him to search the word riding like I did? I appreciate your advice

He definitely understands but i don't want to hurt him or fall into a reassurance trap even though talking about it usually dissolves the issue

So not mention anything to him at all? And esp not wanting to type that word on his phone

Hi mate I totally trust him but I don't know why I need to desperately need ask to see if he has used that word in previous chats

Hi guys I am really struggling with something my mind has gone crazy over and kept me ruminating over last night and I am exhausted and really stressed with work exams Last night my partner was cooking with his mum at her house. I messaged him asking how she was and his reply was.. "She is riding me about while I prepare tea" Then corrected himself and put "ordering lol" Straight away my brain was like why has his iphone put riding and that was all it needed to twist it and sexualise it. I have a Samsung so don't know if its easier to make spelling mistakes on an iPhone etc. I went to WhatsApp and typed in riding in the search bar and there were some sexual references to the word from me in the past but nothing from him. I realllllly want him to do the same on his phone but I am scared what this could lead to with arguments of trust etc and invading his privacy. I dont know if I should even mention it again when I see him tonight. I can tell that he knows I'm triggered by it. As I mentioned it briefly later and said it was funny until I sexualised it. Why can't I get my head around this? Any advice would be appreciated

Hi all Today I re connected with a dear friend who I used to party alot with in the 90s. We havnt been in touch for 15 years or so and had alot to catchup on from our hedonistic past. I am a gay man and have never slept with a women, I have kissed girls and played about etc but never had sex. Here is where I am freaking out and I can't shake a thought of what she said to me today She was like "do you remember when there was about 5 of us at.... house and we all fooled around and you had sex with...." To which I was like no I deffo did not even though we were drunk and high I would remember this. She laughed and said maybe you did other stuff but I'm sure you had sex. I don't even remember the night in question as there were so many wild nights back then I am now trying to replay any memories from 1998 and I can't pin point this evening at all . And my brain is telling me that I am not a "straight virgin" I messaged her again saying I definitely didn't have sex with this girl and she just replied LOL I wish we never re connected now. I'm in a total panic. I don't even like this person She is talking about and no longer in contact either Help!!