Deckard

Don't worry i don't think the interviewer will be concerned with your facial ticks or head shakes. They will be more interested in learning about your qualifications and hearing about your experience. Do some breathing exercises before you go into the interview to help you relax. You don't need to explain to them about your OCD, being nervous in an interview is perfectly normal and they will understand this. Im sure they won't think any less or more of you because of it.

Thanks Ashley i know how OCD works. I didn't read crimson's post as him questioning his relationship, i read it more as a fear of being gay. Advice is just advice from whoever it comes from take it or leave it. Good luck crimson.

Stop looking inside and start looking outside. Occupy your free time with things you love to do and you'll spend less time worrying about these things. As you become a happier person you'll laugh at those worries you used to have. You just gotta stay strong and cast those worries aside. Do yourself a favour and don't look up symptoms on google. Peace.

You know that you don't fancy your mother. Do you actively masturbate over thoughts of her? I don't think so. Your dreams are just dreams and waking up aroused is normal for a man no matter what you were thinking about. It's a muscle reaction to stop you wetting yourself. Peace.

Sex is sex mate, whether it's with a man or a woman it's just sex. If your worried about being gay, straight or bi then my advice to you is go sleep with a man and if you enjoy it great, your gay and if you don't enjoy then great your straight. At least you'll have some closure right? Imagine you were wearing a blindfold and were getting a blow-job, you don't know whether it's a man or a woman doing it but it will still feel good no matter. The reality is there is no gay or straight there is just sex. Stop worrying and start ********. Peace.

Hello, Thank you for taking the time to read my post and replying. BQ, with regards to your fear of HIV i feel for you, i really do. When i was about 14 or 15 i used to babysit for this prostitute while she took care of her punters. It was a short while after that i realised what was going on i was terrified. There were rumours going around my estate that she had AIDS and because i had shared food with her and drank from the same cups i was convinced i had caught HIV. It was only by educating my self about the virus that i managed to overcome my fear. Only last week i got my first tattoo, it was a big step believe me. Am i getting any help right now? Well my psychiatrist referred me for CBT but i was turned down due to lack of resources, he said what that means is others were prioritised. I haven't been back to see him since. Im on my own now. I prefer it, i don't like opening up to people in person, i feel naked and weak after those sessions, thats why i posted on here. I can get a lot of things off my chest and remain anonymous. It really did help to get a few things out. Thank you, Matt.

PHONE, WALLET, KEYS. 08:06. I wake up late every morning. Sleep is where i'm safe, i'd like to stay there forever. I'm putting on my dirty work clothes, kick the dirty socks away, don't pick them up. I better pick them up, make sure i wash my hands. Don't use the bar of soap just squeeze some shower gel out. I make sure i brush my teeth. Not because i care about them, i'm scared people will think i have bad breath. Have i got time to use the toilet? It hurts, i better go. Phone, wallet, keys. I'm tying my laces, **** wash your hands again. Are all the plugs turned off at the switch? Microwave, iron, oven, radiators. My brother always leaves the kettle on, he works late, i always turn it off in the mornings. Out the door. Lock it, push it make sure it's locked. Don't want anybody getting in anything could happen. Shake your head don't start thinking about that ****. It's 08:14. The lights turn red at the crossing. Same time every morning. I'm crossing the road, same faces at the bus stop. Are my fly's undone? Check my hair in the reflection, scruffy, unshaven, oh well, who have i got to impress. Did i lock the doors? Too late to go back now, can't be late for work. I can't be late no matter what. Better to phone in sick than be late. Here comes a fat woman, she's ugly. Breathe in, hold your breath, whatever you do don't breathe the same air as her. She's gone, thank god. I'm at the bridge now, pick up the pace a bit your slacking. Another bus stop. School girls, short skirts, don't look there too young. Look away, look at the sky, find the light, quickly, i can feel it coming, the panic. I'm starting to shake, lock your hands in your pockets. Find the light. Once, twice, finish the patterns. Oh my god, what if i rape her! Don't look. What if i drag her into that bush and strangle her, i'm going to rip her skirt off and **** her. No. No. Keep walking there gone now. Panics over. It's 08:21 i'm over the bridge. The drains, there's three in a row, tread on two, avoid the third. Three is bad luck. Avoid the single one not worth it to risk it. Look out for the sign, left or right? Cant go under, i went left yesterday. Go left, don't be an idiot. Turning the corner, more drains. A magpie lands in the tree across the road. Is there another? No. I better salute it. "Morning Mr. Magpie". Maybe i passed a magpie earlier and missed it?! ****! No don't start thinking like that dickhead just keep walking. Pick up the pace a bit. Cars queuing at the lights. Women in their cars staring at me. Why are they always staring? Whatever. Maybe they want to **** me. I doubt it. I stare back, they break first. I probably stare too long. I think people can find me quite intimidating. I'm passing the chinese supermarket now. It stinks, you can smell the cooking from the street. I haven't eaten, i feel sick. Theres a delivery van blocking the pavement, he's loading up. Same **** every morning. Now i've got to wait until the road is clear to step out and get past. I'm going to be late. ******* chinks. I can hear the drivers talking, there polish. ******* Polkats. They came out of nowhere, now this city is full of them. My brother could be driving that van. *****. No, i don't think that really, it's too easy too think like that. But something draws me to that way of thinking. It feels good to hate. Gives you a reason to be angry at something. Somewhere i can direct all this anger. Over the wall, through the car park, there she is. I like her she's cute. I've seen her more and more lately. She must work in the H2o project. Irina used to work there. She's moved on now, maybe this girl has taken her old job. Yeah must be, i never used to see her before. She's got a different car now, it's not new it's older. Her's must have broken down. I could get her a new car. I could buy her everything she wants, i have a good job i could support her. I'm staring, don't stare she'll see you. She never see's me. I'm like a neon sign to the women in the cars but i'm invisible to her. "Oh sweet irony", i quote from a film to myself. I'm smiling, laughing inside. Nearly at work. Pass the porsche. *** ****. Ciamo, maybe he's Italian. I don't like it, even if i had the money i wouldn't buy it. I like the bikes at the garage across the road. There fast. They look cool. Through the gates, i'm at work now. I'll go in the back door i don't want to talk to anybody. ****** there's people in the smoking area. They can see me from a hundred yards away. There watching me walk. Don't swing your arms, don't look at them. What the **** are they staring at. I pass them, they say nothing. The smoke makes me feel sick. But i like it, it reminds me of Dad. I make eye contact with Rachel. She's older than me, nearly 40, but she's hot, i want to **** her. I better say something. "Morning", "Hi Matt". ******, they wouldn't have said anything if i didn't speak first. Get inside, avoid everyone, just get in and get your head down quickly. Through the curtains, damn, the forklifts been through them and dragged oil and dirt all up it. There dark. I'll go through the light bit. I slide my hand inside my jacket sleeve and push it to one side. Make sure you don't touch them. At last i'm here, only nine more hours to go.