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17 y/o ocd problem

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Sorry I posted at wrong forum at first, this ocd wants me to blow my brains out, seriously...


EVERY TIME when a good thing happens for me, I start to believe that OCD gave me some kinda advantage for it. Well lets say I get the thought while computer is loading, I must not think bad thoughts while it's loading, otherwise I will have to restart it until it feels "just right" if I don't do that I feel like computer is "contaminated" and gives me advantage against other people (let's say in video games, etc). Or, if I'm walking and I get the thought, I must go one step back without thinking about it, just so it feels "right". Let's say I was going to super market yesterday and I got this thought, I didn't do one step back to "undo", I felt way too anxious but I kept it. Now, let's say a good thing happened to me, my brain is thinking like: it's all OCD, you didn't earn it, you got it just because you didn't "undo" the thought, I feel like I used "cheats" in real life, you get the point? I'm fair person and it makes me really anxious. Thoughts I get are really disgusting, it's like incest thoughts with person which is dead now, I'm trying my best to think about them so they goes away, going good so far but anxious...

Please guys suggest me what to do... I am trying to fight this, but recently I'm feeling way too anxious, but I'm not giving up...

Edited by snowbear
removed swearing

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Hello ?

I'm 18 years old, and I've suffered from OCD since I was really young (like elementary/primary school young), so I truly do understand what you're going through, having to go to school and such. I think the most important thing to understand when dealing with intrusive thoughts is that they're just thoughts, nothing more. They have no impact on real world happenings. That said, it's important that we acknowlege the thoughts whenever they happen – trying to neutralize or negate them doesn't do anything other than make them worse.

Doing such things kind of tricks our brains into thinking that these thoughts are important. If you were to congratulate someone on winning a game, only for that person to spout, "I didn't cheat or anything!", you would immediately become suspicious of that person's gameplay, would you not? Well, it's kind of the same with intrusive thoughts. If you think, "I only passed this test because I didn't repeat an action the other day," then proceed to reassure yourself of your fairness or repeat more actions in the future, then you've just made your brain think, "oh, they must be cheating then because they're trying too hard to deny it."

Anyway, I don't know if that made any sense or not, but my point is that you have to acknowlege any intrusive thoughts and then actively reject their importance, almost as if you're saying, "this may be true, but I really don't care either way." If you're feeling particularly brave, you may even consider agreeing with the thought, telling yourself that it is absolute truth. Either way, the trick is to tell yourself these things multiple times, and eventually the thoughts will stop making you really anxious. In fact, in my case, after a while, I thought some of mine were pretty funny. "Bad things are happening to people, therefore you shouldn't smile or laugh, lest you be relishing in the pain of others." Like what the heck, that doesn't even make sense. ?

So anyway, it's good that you said you'll never give up. We're young, luckier than some – our brains are still developing, which makes it easier for us to get out I think, and we still have time. Our lives aren't over. Heck, they've barely begun. If you need anything, I'll be around. In the meantime, I suggest you find a hobby if you don't have one. Find something that you're good at and that you enjoy, then work to make yourself the best at it. This makes fighting OCD immeasurably less painful, and it allows you to work towards getting better at something other than OCD dealings, while giving you something that will sustain you once your fight had slowed. I wish you the best of luck.

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