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My Anxiety and OCD has screwed my marriage up

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Hi all


I need help!!


I am a middle aged guy with amazing children who i love dearly. In 2008 I got married and bought a house that needed renovating. I was working 7 days a week at my job as well as doing my house up on the evenings. Basically after about 4 months of doing this I noticed my brain would not switch off so I started having a few brandys to make me sleep (average 4-5 hours a night) after about 7 months it was getting worse literally going over everything negative that has happened in my past beating myself up mentally about things I did wrong when I was young, things I did or didnt do/say etc the list is endless. then i noticed i kept on asking and being open about the things i had done/regret or had done to me to my wife and she was supportive and was great and told me its pretty normal things that happens when a teenager. then i noticed i kept asking the same **** over and over again to her until the point 1 christmas i had a total break down. i thought i could cope and we started trying for a family but my wife had some problems with her ovarys so i went to all the appointments with her but when she was told she may never have children i basically didnt comfort her as much as i should have because i was still battling these demons of OCD But masking it. Roll forward 2 months and i was getting worse because i was doing too much still working 7 days and doing my house and drinking to sleep. my wife then said to me she has had enough and said we need a break for a couple of weeks so i cryed and agreed so she went to her moms. i told a so called friend my problems (actually he is still a loner to this day) and basically he weirdly started printing things off about fertility and contacted my wife through FB (he didnt even know my wife very well i have since been told he has always preyed on the weak he is now 49 and still a loner nobody likes him) She fell for it and had a 3 week affair with him which i found out which tore my life apart. Cut a long story short i took her back and i seeked help myself thru google and self help i got ok and i took my wife back. i confronted him as asked what was going on and he send me a dozen pictures of my wife naked in her moms house and in his house of course this sent me off the rails but i carried on with my relation ship and over the last 10 years we have had kids holidays etc but still battling my intrusive anxiety ocd mildly. My OCD Basically makes me bring up what she done all the time and it has now pushed her away and we are now divorcing because of it and i need help!!! Should i get help of getting over her or should i fight to get her back we are divorcing in an amicable way and still friends but i cant get over her affairs there was 1 more affair she had an emotion sexting affair when i pushed her away after the death of my mother what should i do!!!

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Hi ry21,

it's very tragic to see, how you must suffer from all of this. I'm really sorry for you.

I think you really should seek out for a therapist. A lot of people do that, after going through a relationship crisis. It seems as if you couldn't get over her betrayal, which is also fairly common and a reason for a lot of people to break up with their partner. You've got cheated on by your wife. Of course, you feel hurt by all of that. And sometimes we can't get over stuff — no matter if we happen to have OCD at the same time or not.

All of this was a very traumatic experience for you. I'm not going to judge your wife's and friends behavior. That's something irrelevant in all of this. It's completely up to you, if you want to move on from your relationship or not. I personally think, though, that if you can't get over it, you need to really re-evaluate if it makes really sense to fight for your relationship at all. It's one thing to be able to forgive someone, but it's a complete other issue in forgetting what happened.

No matter if you want to continue your relationship or not, it seems as if you need some help with all the emotional damage. It seems like a very tough time for you, and all I can say to you, is to highly encourage you to seek out for professional help and to try to heal the emotional pain, you right now suffer from.

You also said you still suffer from your OCD for years, which indicates to me, that your “self-help” didn't work out at all.

Seek professional help for your OCD and also for your relationship problems.

I wish you the very best :)

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