I need help :-(

[Guest imalright]

Hi

I am reaching out for support...that is an unprecedented move for me as I'm a desperately private person.

I have OCD. It's pretty bad but I live. That is, I work, go out, enjoy doing things...but OCD never leaves me side and I need to get it sorted. I can't carry on with it any further.

My problem? I fear contamination by illegal drugs. It is pretty bad. A severe fear. Sometimes the thought of having consumed illegal drugs gives me severe anxiety. Even though I don't do drugs??!

I have lost count of all the people who have told me that in order to suddenly have a drug trip (my fear) I would have to deliberately take a substance.....why can't I believe this? I have lost count of the amount of people that have told me that there isn't drugs in my food or in my cigarette cartridges (e-cig)...yet I will make multiple purchases of these things every day as I imagine drugs somehow got in them.

Drugs are everywhere :-( i imagine them to be everywhere. Sometimes I dont eat all day in case any food got drugs in them.

This is ridiculous.

Am I being irrational?

Tonight...I have been so anxious over it....now the anxiety causes symptoms....which I misinterpret as being symptoms of having consumed illegal drugs :-( so my brain says 'You're light headed and feel woozy....you must have had illegal drugs. Somehow you must have had them'....this then causes more panic.

Please can anyone help me?

I need help. As much as it pains me to say it

:-( thank you so much x

[Guest Whizz4848]

Hiya and welcome

Have you tried any CBT yet? That's a good first point of call, but also mindfulness courses are really good to help start addressing the OCD. I have just started one and it really is helpful to get that unruly thought beast under a bit more control. I hear you about being private well your amongst friends here, nothing that cant be discussed and helped/supported by other kindred spirits who suffer like you do. I would really think about chatting to your GP if you haven't already, so many people try and fight this alone and simply suffer in silence with the thoughts going round and round. I did not tell any one for years, my GP, close friends and family now know and its a real weight off my shoulders. First though is acknowledging your OCD through getting some help whether that's GP, medication, homeopathy, books, the forum, yoga, meditation etc whatever will help you.

I don't mean to be intrusive but have you tried any of the above yet, I only ask as it sounds like your suffering without any help?

Whizz

[Guest Whizz4848]

By the way you're not irrational your OCD is, its not you remember that its your OCD.

[PolarBear]

I'd try sorting out the truth about situations and making a rational decision based on that.

You suspect something has illegal drugs in it. Do you know that as a fact? No. The rational decision is to keep using the thing (or eating it or smoking it).

You have a cognitive distortion going on, much like pretty much everyone with OCD. In this case you are catastrophizing and jumping to conclusions.

[Guest imalright]

Hi Whizz

I'd really like to thank you for your words and your advice. Thank you so much.

I am in therapy at present, however, as a lot of childhood trauma needs healing - OCD is getting majorly overlooked. Perhaps 10 minutes in every 5th appointment is spent on OCD - that really isn't enough at all and your post has made me realise that perhaps I need to get some very intense and focused therapy specifically for OCD.

I am going to ask the therapist in my next appointment to spend more time on this as it's really getting in the way of life! Also - it's costing me a fortune (buying stuff....imagining drugs are in them (lol) and then throwing stuff away over and over again in a cycle). It'd be nice if a huge chunk of my salary went on something else rather than my OCD!

Also - this is becoming very time consuming. For example, changing an e-cig cartridge is done with top security and military precision...including photographs and filming and my own quality checks haha.

Oh dear

Again - I thank you very much for supporting me. I have downloaded the 'brain lock' book at your suggestion of books...I'll update here as to how I get on.

Take care - thanks again

X

[Guest imalright]

PolarBear

Thanks for being so kind and replying to me when I needed an ear. I can't tell you how much it means to me as I am one of those that grins and bears it and puts on a positive and happy face to everyone when, inside, I might be falling apart x

You are quite right - you are. I need to get this sorted...

I will keep this updated

Thank you so much again x