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  1. I thought as much, thanks for your input guys 👍
  2. Hi all, I've made good progress recently in terms of managing my anxiety levels, using mindfulness techniques. However a stumbling block is the content of the thoughts. They are very nasty and disgusting, extremely inappropriate. I'm concerned that I won't be able to forgive myself, or should forgive myself at all. My mind ran away with a terrible idea, and made it really unpleasant. I couldn't help it, but feel ashamed all the same. I think there may be some perfectionism at play here, but morally I'm very annoyed at myself. I see myself as a pretty normal guy, no weird fetishes or desires, but had this sick thought, now OCD is punishing me for it. I just want some advice in how to handle these feelings going forward.
  3. The fact you are looking for reassurance that you are not your worst nightmare indicates to me that you feel guilt over the thoughts, part of an OCD compulsion. As Polar Bear stated, these are intrusive thoughts, and if left alone to pass without judgment or attachment, your anxious feelings will subside and the 'normal' you will come out the other side.
  4. Thanks TFOR, that means a lot 🙂 My confidence took a big knock, and as bad as the thoughts were, I've got through it for the rest of the day. In fact my recent relapse started about a month ago, after various stresses at once. I do need to practice more self compassion as well, perhaps I'm frustrated I haven't made the progress I thought it would, or OCD worms it way around the tools I'm using.
  5. Hi all, I've been having a pretty good day, until at 3pm, when an absolute stinker of a thought came to me suddenly. Catch-22 esque. It doesn't even make sense looking back, but I went to pieces. I cried for a solid hour, and honestly felt it might be best to go to an institution, to keep me safe. As it is, my parents came to collect me, now I'm staying with them for the time being. I feel a lot better, however I've left my girlfriend on her own having spent the last 3 months with her isolating, as she is vulnerable to the virus. Of course she was upset, but understood it was for the best to move out. She knew it was going to happen at some point, just not this soon, in the space of an afternoon. I'm just at a loss of how to progress from this. I've been seeing a therapist for the last month, I've bought some more books, learned so much of what to do and not, and now feel like I'm back to square one. I just want the courage to believe in my conviction, not the bullpoo the OCD says to scare me.
  6. I needed to see this. I've just had a truly disgusting thought and feel ashamed about it. Of course it's intrusive, just my mind stretching it's imagination. I should be easier on myself, thinking something appalling isn't a crime.
  7. Good point! I hate how the OCD pretends to have the moral high ground. Like you've put me in this situation, you're the bully! Also isn't it funny how the things you fear you may have done are the very ones which are completely against ones character?? How could I have done these things if the OCD was making me so scared to avoid doing the actions in the first place? So dumb.
  8. Hi all, I've been putting theory into practice with my OCD and seeing huge benefits. From acceptance to cutting out compulsions, I'm seeing a big reduction in my anxiety, with my dearly held values still very much intact. Of course the OCD is fighting back, with more repulsive, disgusting thoughts than I've ever had. However now it's trying to affect my memory, by implying I've done something terrible in the past, that clearly I haven't done! Would acceptance be the best course of action again? Is it ok to think you've done something really awful in the past?
  9. Hating yourself isn't going to help. Forgive yourself for the thoughts you've been having, your guilt is testament to that. One of the most important things to be aware of is that you are not your thoughts. Whether you feel you deserve help, your guilt and shame suggest that you should be less critical of yourself. I just want to reiterate, a therapist will be able to help if you're willing to accept the help. From there, they will offer non judgemental solutions to your problem.
  10. To add, you can get better! You're having a bad day/time of it, but there's no need to do something drastic. Think of this as the lowest point, you can get back to yourself with work and perseverance. This condition is at worst manageable, and can be beaten entirely, so don't give up on yourself!!
  11. Often, the act of trying to control thoughts brings up more of the thoughts we don't want. It also depends how you react to them. If you're anxious or upset about them, then they're intrusive and not worth engaging with. I've had the most horrendous thoughts in the past and recently, and I know it's nothing to do with me. Also the thoughts are so bad because they are the direct opposite of who you are. Sadly you can't control what pops into your head, but you can control what you do after.
  12. Hi Cora, I'm having the same types of harm thoughts as you, and also aimed at my SO. OCD latches on to the things that mean most to you, so in our case the loves of our lives. This is not your fault at all. You get intrusive thoughts, the ones you don't like and want gone, automatically. There's no point trying to control that. What you can do next is control what you then do about them. Contrary to your OCD tyrant, there are no rules regarding what thoughts people should be thinking. This policing of your thoughts actually makes the situation worse. They are not intentions, deep down desires, fantasies. They are thoughts. Bits of mental fluff which a lot of us here have attached undesirable meanings too. It takes a little bravery, but if you don't interact with the thoughts and leave them, overtime your anxiety will reduce. This takes practice, and eventually you become unbothered by them. To summarise, it's your reaction to the thoughts that is the problem, not the thoughts themselves! If you speak to a mental health professional and reveal your thoughts, I guarantee they will not bat an eyelid, they've heard it all before and are trained to help people who are willing to accept help. In the mean time, look into getting some self help books. They will outline what to do to help, and the common intrusive thoughts sufferers get.
  13. Shortly after I wrote this post, I spoke to my therapist, and basically told me the threat had no validity, as it wasn't specific enough. As such it wasn't something worth chasing or to get entangled with. He also mentioned how losing control of your actions is extremely rare, unless you had high levels alcohol or drugs in your system, something that would significantly alter one's cognitive abilities. So that was a huge relief, so now I'm practising acceptance and feeling much better for it. A good slogan that is worth remembering for all sufferers: "What you resist, persists" meaning the doubts we hold on to will continue until you learn to let go of them.
  14. Hi all, I've been struggling greatly recently. It all started on Friday, when I had a thought related to harming my girlfriend, who I'm in lockdown with. The thought went along the lines of "I must kill her or bad things will happen" My first reaction to this thought was to actually laugh at it: how utterly ridiculous. I adore my girlfriend, and want to be with her for as long as possible. Then it dawned on me about it becoming stuck. And hey presto, it's now stuck. I absolutely loathe this thought, it seems to be testing my sanity. I've been on edge since Friday, and I just can't let go. "What if it's true?" just keeps running through my head. I'm terrified it will take over my actions, by somehow duping me into acting on a baseless reason through lying. I know it all is standard OCD bullpoo, but my usual techniques don't seem to be having much effect currently.
  15. Hi All, I've been looking at YouTube for some quick advice on OCD, and found this channel: OCD and Anxiety (Nathan Peterson) He has really good concise advice in what to do, and very good wide ranging explanations for different types of OCD. Then of course there's Mark Freeman, who suffered from OCD and talks through what helped him and uses excellent analogies to tackle the problem. Hope these help!
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