Mark J

I'd like to get tested, regularly, if it's available, I don't know so will have to check. Yesterday I stayed in bed most of the day as I was too anxious to get out and about. I'll be doing the same today too. The trouble with doing that, is I feel I should be disinfecting things (takes me 2 hours every morning) but I can't face it, and that makes me guilty. I feel trapped. It's really tough ? The Dr gave me diazepam to take but I've not done so because what is the point? It's a false hope. I'll probably feel better, but then, we the course stops (which it will because they only prescribe it for a few weeks), it'll all come back. I'm in therapy, so hopefully that will help. That said, my therapist is pushing me in directions I'm not comfortable with, so I will have to discuss it with them next session. Thanks all

Thanks all for the kind words and info. Yesterday was pretty rough, but today, it's been better.

Hi Gemma Thank you for the kind words and help. I'm currently receiving Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy therapy but spoke to someone on the phone today (NHS) about getting some CBT because I've read that's effective in treating OCD. Thank you for the links; I'm checking them out now.

Since Saturday I have had an awful time with what feels like OCD (with my initial diagnosis I just missed out on it). I have been very worried about the possibility I might contaminate something with the Coronavirus, which might infect another person in the family, and they might die. All that and I realise I probably do not even have Coronavirus. The fear is disabling on times I have literally washed my hands red-raw to the point they have blisters on them and an open sore on my left hand. I spend about 2 hours every morning disinfecting things, and the rest of the day avoiding touching things, and washing my hands if I do touch things. I'm even worried about simply breathing on my hands. The amount of tissue, kitchen roll, and toilet paper I am using is a cause for concern. Whatever I have, it is bad and it is really getting to me, and my wife. I'm already in therapy, but wanted to share with others how I am feeling. Thank you

I think you are right Tanana, but as with everything OCD, it's difficult

Yes, sounds a lot like I get Tanana One minute I feeling like things are getting under control, and then BAM! Bad thought What I struggle with though, is I don't even know if my thoughts are from OCD because I intentionally place the bad thoughts in my mind. Whereas I get the impression that with OCD sufferers, their thoughts just arise completely out of nowhere with no active part from the sufferer.

Can you be relaxed, calm, and still get an OCD thought or do you have to be emotional, angry, upset, scared etc? I ask because I was feeling pretty ok (compared to how it's been lately), and I'm just thinking something when suddenly, before I know what I've done, I've had a bad/negative thought about the Holy Spirit again This is an example of what I mean: Let's say I have this music CD that I like to listen to, but, for no reason other than to spite myself, I think to myself "If I ever listen to that CD again, it will mean I do it to rebel against the Holy Spirit." (I know that sounds silly but that's exactly what I did - I'm continually wanting to punish myself). Then, a few hours later, I'm thinking about music and I'm feeling pretty ok and I start to remember that CD I used to like, and before I can do anything about it or realise what has happened, I've had a feeling of frustration toward the Holy Spirit because I can't listen to that CD That doesn't seem like OCD to me, that seems like a normal thought pattern. That's why I ask if you have to be emotional to have an OCD thought (I wasn't at the time - although I was crying a few hours earlier so I wan't totally ok).

Something happened last night and I felt a surge of frustration at everything that's been worrying me for the last 4 to 5 months. In particular, I am worried because my frustration was somewhat aimed indirectly at the Holy Spirit as well. I tell myself that my reaction wasn't done out of rebellion or hatred or of spite, but because I have been under so much strain for the last 4 and a half months (it's been pretty bad). I tell myself I would never react this way if I was more stable (or not ill if you like), but I'm still worried. It's like I snapped, and lost control for a second due to the strain; it's so difficult to keep these emotions at bay. It just bubbled to the surface and there was little I could do to prevent it

Thank you Polar Bear

Feeling rough right now because of what happened earlier. As I said earlier, I'm a Christian and my OCD seems to manifest mostly as Scrupulosity (a fear of sinning against God and committing an unforgivable sin). This is what happened today I was sitting in the car in the school car park waiting for my son to come out from school when it started pouring down with rain. Children were leaving school, running this way and that to get to their cars. I thought my car might have been in the way so I went to reverse it because I thought that was the right thing to do. As I was reversing, I got a bit worried because I couldn’t see (it was raining that bad), and so I thought I might accidentally hit someone. Because of that, I then thought something along the lines of “I try to do what’s right and I get into trouble.” Not only that, but about 20 second later when I was thinking about it, I thought it again I feel as if I was thinking bad of the Holy Spirit; it’s like I was blaming the Holy Spirit for leading me into trouble I hate this, I hate thinking like this, it really worries and upsets me because I intentionally put the thoughts in my head. All I know is that I don't want to think like this. I don't even believe the Holy Spirit can lead a person into error. So why did I think this way? I thought it, but I wasn't even aware of what I'd thought until I'd thought it, if that makes sense? Why am I thinking this?

I can totally relate to this. Totally

Yes. There's an overwhelming mountain of evidence that tells us people with OCD would never carry out or even agree with the thoughts they get. They tend to get these bad thoughts precisely because the thoughts are so repulsive to them. Your OCD thoughts do not represent your true feelings.

That's OCD. Even though you, me, and most OCD sufferers know none of this is actually true, our irrational mind still makes us think this is real. Are you seeing a therapist?

I think you're right. It's like our OCD way of thinking is baked into almost every thought we have. Sometimes it's not a problem, some times it is, but even when it's not a problem, the OCD still a part of our thinking. I've only recently been diagnosed with OCD so, whilst I've heard of it, I've not really delved into it. I'm not seeing my therapist until Jan 29th, I'll have a bunch of questions by then.

Thank you