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lauren1988

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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    Female
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    essex

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  1. when i allow myself to think the thoughts to try and get rid of them i get anxious and go back to compulsions. sometimes i loose control in my mind start thinking allsorts then i feel guilty. how can i beat the compulsions.
  2. hi all. can urges be in thought form? like i dont doubt my self ill do anything and i dont doubt my self as a person. i just cant stop thinking bad things i dont mean and im getting my self stressed. i think to myself lets try not think thoughts today..... let them come and go. but i have these urges to think them and make them worse even though i dont want to. and ill say no no no in my head but they keep hammering me. and when i dont think them i have this uncomfy feeling so then i end up thinking them and fighting them again. i feel like i have a mental tic or something. why cant i just not think these horrible thoughts? also when i think about being normal back to my self i get anxiety and i feel like that dont feel right but i want it to feel right and my ocd says dont feel right. then i panic. also this is silly but i have these thoughts that i dont want and i cant control and ill plead with myself not to think them and ill fight them which i know is all wrong but i feel bad and not right if i dont undo them mentally. by arguing with them. also ocd tells me ive done bad things that i know deep down i havent. but they feel so real. when i try resist the urge they just pound my head. how do i stop this feeling in my head its driving me nuts?
  3. I'm trying to distract myself. But they always there. I also feel I don't deserve to be happy so I punish myself even more with more thoughts.
  4. I have had intrusive thoughts for so long ..... but now when I ignore them I have the urge to think them even though I know They rubbish this is causing me anxiety. Why can't I ignore them. The urge to think them is unbearable that I can barely sit still through feeling uncomfy. I get so irritated and angry as I don't want these thoughts.
  5. Hi. I been suffering this ocd for a year now. But lately the thoughts don't bother me at all as I know they r rubbish. But they still upset me make me angry and frustrated. I feel like it's become a habit. When I try and be normal it's like I been doing compulsions so long that I don't know how to not be that way anymore. I feel like it's been so long living this way how do I just not be like this no more? Even though I want to be my normal self more than anything ...... but I don't k ow how to just take that leap and let the thoughts come and not fight them even now I know they **** I still undo them just incase. I feel like this is so pointless as I know I'm not this person. Will it take time? I keep ruminating all day why won't it go away now that my anxiety hass gone why can't I let go? Is this my way of keeping myself protected. I know if I just accept my thoughts and agree with them they would go but I can't accept them. Then I start questioning why it don't feel right when I feel normal as I panic as I don't know how to be now? If that makes sense. As I spend my day worried obsessing neutralising over something that don't even exist. I want it to feel right to feel normal and move on. I feel like I'm standing on a ledge and I know if I take a jump to the next ledge it will be over but I'm frozen on the ledge through fear. As I've become comfy his way but thus way is making me so so sad. And it's stopping me from being the mum I want to be and know i can be. Plz someone tell me they have had this before x as I want it to go more than anything am I trying to hard? Checking too much? Analysing how I feel?
  6. It's defo ocd hun cox we still worried. I've calmed down now and can see ocd up to its tricks
  7. I've got the point that my ocd thoughts no longer cause anxiety or worry. I used to be worried I wasn't worried but now I'm not worried about that either that makes make worried. I can think anything and i don't bother me. But why won't the thoughts go away Why I keep thinking them. I want to be free. They deep down do terrify me. But I kmow I'm not this person. I just don't know how to be normal anymore ? I want my life back more than ever. I want to be the person I know I am. But my mind keeps thinking up all these things that will scare me. The things ocd have made me wonder..... when I bet better I'm like this feels strange.....so then I panic as I want it to feel normal. I feel like I'm doing it all to myself. When I ignore the thoughts I have this really irritating feeling in my head like an urge to think them even tho I don't want to. I know if I just accepted the thoughts and let them be the would go away. But I fight them because I feel like if I don't I'll loose who I am. And I want to be a good person.
  8. I don't think I'm capable that's the thing I know I'm not. Mine is just fear of how my thoughts make me feel. They make me upset anxious guilty and uncomfy. X I'm starring therapy again on 17th x I avoid so I won't think them x
  9. Hi. I've been suffering ocd for 6 years on and off. But since giving birth I've suffered really bad for the majority of the last year. Day in day out. Normally I get over it and get over it and am ok for a while sometimes up to year without too much anxiety/ocd. But for a year now I'm in constant worry/rumination/ arguing / anxiety/ fear. Over my stupid thoughts. I love my baby so so so much. The love is overwhelming. As you can guess my ocd targets my son. To the point I can't go near him. This is killing me. And making my heart break. I'm lucky he's young and don't understand. I kmow I'm not a bad person. I'm not scared that I'll do anything wrong. I just think thinking these things makes me a bad person. But I can't stop them. I've got to the point the thoughts don't bother me so much anymore but I can't bloody stop them. When I don't think them my head is like what do I do now ? As I've obsessed and been in my head for so long now. I'm worried I'll never break the habit. I know they are rubbish now. So why arnt they going? I'm loosing valuable time. I dreamed of being such a good mum all my life. I feel I've really let my son down. I feel so depressed. I get angry with my thoughts so much that I literally don't know what to do with myself when the thoughts are bad. How can it effect me so much when I know it's absolute rubbish ? Can ocd become a habit?
  10. I feel like I'm purposley having my thoughts. I feel like I'm sinking and sinking in a black hole. When I don't have them I feel odd. Beaucse I been stuck in this behaviour for so long. I forgot how to be normal. I don't want this no more. Noreally I have intrusive thoughts but I can somewhat ignore dismiss them most of the time. But since I've given birth my ocd has got so bad. I had bad episodes before but only a couple months then I would go back to normAl this has been 11months now of arguing with myself. Mental checking. Rumanating. Thought urges. Neutralising. It's exhausting. And it's every day. Minute I wake to minute I sleep. Looking after my baby is mow very hard and u depend on others. This is breaking my heart. I can't go near him. As I kmow I'll think them. But I cant accept them. But why can't I ignore them. Is it because it's used to being this way? I never had ocd this bad before? The urge to think things is too strong. Feel like I got tourettes in my head. Lol. Someone please help.
  11. I'm over my fears I know I'm not this person that ocd was trying to convince me off. But I fear the thoughts so much around my baby that I can't go near him. Even sorting his clothes out i get intrusive thoughts and unwanted feelings like the urge to pee. As I'm anxious. I just want to scoop him up and cuddle him and relax around him. When I don't think any thoughts I'm happy but then I start checking whether that feels right. I just don't know how to not have the thoughts it's almost like they have become compulsions to think them or my head don't feel right. This is breaking my heart. I'm a soft kind hearted person. And just want to be maternal to my son. I don't want these thoughts feelings any of it. I say stuff in my mind that I don't mean aswell is this a symptom ?
  12. Thanks hun. Nothing is really bothering me today. I don't know how to live like this. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by not fighting my thoughts or compulsions. I'm worried I'm not worried. X
  13. I always feel I done something wrong whilst changing my baby. I've got past my intrusive thoughts. And they are ok now. And not causing so much anxiety. But I always feel like I done something wrong. I go over and over my actions to make sure I didn't think anything wrong. This is the worst thing I been through in my life.
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