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  1. I think I have an obsession that I can't do it without a therapist. But I suppose the only way to know if that's true or not would be...to attempt to do it without a therapist.
  2. I set that appointment but canceled it. Now it's Monday. I don't know whether I should do it on my own or not. I would save like $1000-$1500 if I did and I don't have that much income. I feel all over the place. I definitely don't want to set up an appointment with him and cancel it again. Don't want to bother him.
  3. Yeah, that was another therapist with whom this therapist I worked with a year ago agreed with me was a bit too immovable when it came to his approach. I worked with this one and did pretty well. Was able to once again do things I hadn't done in a year or two. I'm sure I'd have a better chance of doing the work while working with him. I don't know, I find working with him to be motivating...I have someone to talk to about what's going on and reassure me I'm on the right track. It's expensive but...yeah, if anything's worth paying for it's help with OCD. Lol.
  4. Oh man. It's been 10 days? So I saw him last Monday (21st). I told him what I was planning on doing on my own. Just agreeing with the thoughts and pushing through. He told me he felt that I would be alright on my own, telling me he didn't think I needed to see him again. Of course, he said if you have difficulty just contact me again. Let's see. Yeah in the past week I didn't do too much exposure. A bit. The days just pass quickly. I've certainly given into compulsions in that time. Yesterday I started a "contaminated" game - was going to try and hold out but deleted it. I can try again. I feel all over the place. You know, I have the obsessions that I originally contacted him for, but then I also have this obsession with going or not going. It's ridiculous. I was thinking I would try on my own for another week or two then reassess. Yeah. I really don't want to deal with another one of these, "should I go or should I not?" obsessions. I think I definitely do have more insight than a few years ago and I can see this for what it is. That doesn't help me make a decision, though. I can feel confident about working on my own for an hour or two, then suddenly feel like I should go. Or feel like I should go, then think, "You know, I probably don't have enough money for this right now," etc.
  5. Yeah. At this moment I'm back to earning + saving more money then possibly trying in January if I still need it. I decided earlier this afternoon I would try on my own for a couple weeks then reassess. I felt confident about this. But two hours later I felt it was the wrong decision. I felt anxious most of the day today, worried about what to do. Since I have gone through this kind of thing before, I don't want to to do it again. So I will do my best not to. I should probably stop posting in this thread (maybe shouldn't have made it in the first place) as I'll just go in circles.
  6. Well. I think I have decided that I will push myself a bit on my own for 1-2 weeks, see where I'm at, and then reassess. I've already started doing exposures. Difficult, but doable. He said there's no waitlist for me because I'm a recent patient, so I can always just set up an appointment that's within a week of when I set it up. That's good to know.
  7. Yeah I understand. I was for a while. I went and made progress. Things that bothered me a year ago don't anymore. Now my theme has changed though. Of course. 😕 Anyway, I do know what he'd tell me to do as I've been to him. The main thing is I feel like I'm not great at pushing myself to do exposures and stick with them. But, $250 a week is a lot of money I don't really have. I mean, it would wipe out my funds completely, pretty much. Of course I could earn it back but, yeah. Sorry. My past shows I tend to spin about all this stuff, go back and forth. I don't want to do that again. I need to just determine what I'm doing and stick with it.
  8. PolarBear, you're forgetting I went through therapy with him from September to January of last year and was around 70 to 80 % successful. I'm considering going BACK because I have a new, difficult theme. It's not like I've been deliberating whether or not to go therapy this whole time. I went for a few months and had success.
  9. By the way I HAVE been doing stuff on my own since I ended with him in January of this year. It's just a newer theme has popped up that I have trouble with. I finally have a tiny bit of money saved up and $1,750 is a lot to pay. 😕
  10. So yeah. This one therapist. He's good. $250 a week though. My insurance has a $1,750 deductible. I.e., once I reach $1,750, they will cover 80 % (making each session cost $50). I don't really want to spend this money. At the same time my OCD has been getting worse. Of course, I could try on my own for a few months as I know what he'd tell me to do. I can just...try it out and see if I can do it. The other thing is that...the deductible only goes to the end of the year. So if I waited until January to start, I'd have the whole year being covered at 80 %, so I could go to him for a few months, then go back if I needed to later that year. Know what I mean? Yeah.
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