Ryukil

So, I'm working as a writer, and a lot of the topics I write about can be pretty complicated. When writing an article, I'll usually have to do research. Even if I'm not writing, a lot of the things I like to do require concentration (for example, studying languages or reading). Obviously, when experiencing an obsession, it can be pretty hard to concentrate. Sometimes I do compulsions to get rid of that anxiety so I can concentrate better. But obviously doing compulsions isn't a good thing. What should I do? I guess I just need to accept that I might not be working at "full capacity?" That's kind of the fear, that my writing won't be as good if I'm writing while experiencing an obsession. Or that I won't understand the book I'm reading as well. I think there's probably truth to it - naturally I can write or absorb information better when I have a clear mind - but I guess giving into an obsession is never really the way to go.

But if I'm playing with him anyway, doesn't it make sense to just get a new game? But I do want to move away from games, so in that case it doesn't make sense. Lol. I need to stop doing this. Like I said, can't think about it objectively because it's wrapped up in OCD. I think, yes, if we can keep it in moderation it's not a big deal.

Thanks Yeah so either way it would be an exposure lol

I guess I feel like if I said "maybe" after saying "no" several times that kind of implies I'm going to get it.

If you see my most recent post, I realized what I've been doing is ruminating. This is just one of those things where there are pros and cons on each side, but I can't really think about the problem objectively because it's wrapped up in anxiety and OCD. So, probably I should just drop it, see how I feel about it in a couple weeks when I actually have to make a decision, then make the decision and stick with the fallout. Right? Haha. I'm always reminded of Dave Preston's video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUFvvlnCvSg I didn't really know what ruminating was until polarbear talked about it in response to one of my posts. So, I think I need to just let this go and do the best I can to function with the anxiety. Since it's wrapped up in OCD I'm not going to be able to really "work it out" right now, because like I said there are pros and cons on both sides and there's not necessarily an obvious "correct" choice.

Yeah, I should probably do what aligns with my actual desire, which is to not buy the game.

Yeah I mean. It's true I want to move away from games. But I guess if I got it it wouldn't be a huge deal...I'd just want to keep the time spent moderated.

Here I just sent this e-mail to my therapist: I have a weird situation. My friend wants me to get a PC game. I didn't really want to, as I want to move away from games, at least for a while. However, I still play with him in moderation (maybe once or twice a week). So, I felt a bit guilty for not playing with him Sunday and said something like "Maybe I'll get the game." I am still playing with him anyway. Theoretically it would be fine if we play this new game in moderation. At the same time, I don't want to send the message that I'll keep getting new games as I want to sort of gradually make an exit from gaming. The OCD comes in because I feel like there will be "pressure" to play this new game, which creates OCD anxiety for me. I have a fear I won't be able to concentrate. But even if there is, pressure I can simply say no on days where I genuinely don't feel like it (exposing myself to OCD guilt). So getting it would be an exposure / present opportunities for exposure. Committing to getting it makes it difficult to concentrate (creates anxiety) so I don't want to commit to getting it (which means I probably should?). On the other hand, not getting it would make me feel guilty / like a bad friend since I sort of said I'd get it (I did say maybe but after saying nah a few times that kind of gives hope). So, point is whichever decision I take will be an exposure. Which do I do? I do want to move away from computer games but it's hard to view all this objectively because it's tied up in OCD. Sorry, longer than I wanted and now I'm realizing...yeah it's really not a big deal either way.

I get your point. Yeah we've already had lots of conversations about this over the past few months. I just think my OCD is in both directions. I do think getting the game would not be a big deal, I could just play it with him in moderation. I'm more concerned if I get it he'll constantly ask me to play. Which, I guess he wouldn't. But he used to ask all the time and that stressed me out. I feel like if I get a new game there will be lots of "pressure" to play. I say this because in the past, he would ask to play every day, and I would (even though I didn't always really want to) because I was too nice. We've spent thousands of hours on the games. I've been keeping him at arm's length now in regards to this and I just don't want to slide back. But yeah. So having the game would also be an exposure and an exercise in saying no sometimes (and not avoiding that OCD guilt that comes with saying "I don't want to play right now"). On the other hand, buying the game is in some sense giving into OCD guilt. Because sure, it would be fun probably, but I don't care that much about the game and I'd be doing it mostly to be a "good friend." It was kind of settled that I wasn't going to get it until I randomly brought it up yesterday morning (probably because I felt a bit guilty). So, when both choices are an exposure...which one do you go with? Haha. But yes, I am cognizant of the fact my OCD is making this a much bigger deal than it needs to be. I could get the game and play with him in moderation. At the same time, I don't really want to start a new game. I feel like I have enough games and don't really want to get invested in a new one. And round and round we go with OCD.

Feel like I committed to get the game but now I don't necessarily want to. But I guess I didn't. I said I "might" get it haha.

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance. Honestly I have OCD in both directions lol.

anyone?

So I've been trying to get away from computer games. I have just spent a lot of time on them and want to focus on other things. But my friendship with my friend has been pretty based around video games for many years. What I've done since maybe September is try to keep it to the weekends. He wanted me to get a new game, but I kind of held my ground. My goal is to move away from them, so buying a new game that will take up a lot of time is antithetical towards that. I suppose I can get the game and just limit the time I play with him. I am still playing games we already have, just limiting it. For some reason this morning I said maybe I'll just get it. Don't know why. Probably because I was thinking, well, I can just limit it. Also I felt a bit guilty for not playing with him yesterday. The conversation: Me: I might get [the game] lol Him: Heh Me: I just want to try to generally keep to weekends as far as gaming sessions But yeah guess I'll wait a couple weeks anyway for Christmas sale, can save 15 dollars or whatever lel Him: Yeah that's what I'm doing too. I honestly played so much the past two days that even I got sick of games lel... but just for the day And I would love if you get [the game] but no pressure. I'll still be your friend regardless of whether/ how long we game I told myself I would regret it if I said it. Don't know why I said that. Now I will feel guilty to not get it. At the same time, it would be an exposure. I guess my question is...how do I know if something's OCD guilt or actual guilt. I don't want to be a jerk, feel guilty, and then excuse it by saying I'm exposing myself to OCD guilt lol I kind of indicated I'd get it, right? Can't backtrack now.

Yeah. PolarBear from here had a good video about rumination. Here it is:

Yeah, I noticed too if I'm working I'm able to do it. It's interesting. If I have a deadline, I'm able to put OCD to the side for the time being and get it done. Because I don't have a choice - I have to get it done. I guess it just shows that we have more power over it than we think!

Anyone get something like an OCD spiral? What I mean by this is...I'm focusing on whatever I'm doing, work, reading a book, studying, then I get some uncomfortable thought or "problem to be worked out"...or something gets physically contaminated, and I suddenly find myself no longer focusing on the task at hand. Like I start browsing social media or doing completely unrelated things. I may start trying to work out "the problem." I get distracted, because it becomes tougher to concentrate on whatever I had been doing (because of the anxiety). In a sense I'm avoiding the task, because it feels uncomfortable to continue focusing on it. I guess the only way to deal with this is to call out what's happening, and get back to the task at hand, even if I have some trouble concentrating. Eventually the anxiety will diminish. Just wondering if anyone can relate. I guess what I'm talking about is ruminating, sort of.

Yeah, we've talked about it. I'm trying to keep it to the weekends. But I guess I still don't want to be obligated to play every weekend...

For years, I've played many hours of video games with my friend. I do/did enjoy it, but a lot of the time I was saying "yes" because I wanted to be a good friend. Definitely OCD-related, like I would feel guilt/anxiety if I said no. The other thing is I would never say if I wanted to get off...I would kind of wait for him so we'd end up playing longer than I'd want to. Anyway, the situation is totally different now. I realized recently I can say no, thanks to my OCD therapist. But I sort of want to almost totally give up computer games. At the same time, I would feel guilty about that. How do I know if it's "legitimate" guilt and I'm being a bad friend, or if it's "just OCD?" Am I going too far by wanting to drop games totally? I'm 30 now and they just feel like a waste of time. Especially with the amounts of time we used to play...(4-6 hours every night, probably?). He's a good friend, but weirdly this is so important to me I'm willing to sacrifice the friendship. He would say he is addicted to games. I would refrain from messaging him about anything else because I was afraid he'd just ask me to play games (lol), which was usually true.

I was going to ask my mom whether this would bother her, and whether she would get new toothpaste. She could say yes. Anyway...that's just reassurance seeking. I need to just keep using the toothpaste...it's pretty excessive to throw it out.

Yeah. The degree to which I'm worried about this is definitely OCD...

And yeah, certainly needing to decontaminate everything I've touched now would be compulsive...

Pretty sure they were baby house centipedes.

I saw little bugs crawling by my toothbrush and toothpaste. Not on the toothbrush, but one did touch the toothpaste. I'm not going to throw out the toothpaste though...Anyway, I guess I'm concerned if I'm touching the toothpaste and then touching the toothbrush. What if the part I touch goes into my mouth? I suppose I should disinfect the toothpaste. I've already touched everything because I don't want to deal with this. Like, I've spread the contamination. And I've lost a couple toothbrushes already recently (one fell on the floor, the other in the sink). So I'm keeping it. But yeah I'm just having a hard time concentrating, had trouble sleeping because of this. Would people without OCD be concerned?

Never mind. Who cares if they would or not. I'm looking for reassurance.

This really bothers me, but I assume it's happened before when I'm away from my desk or in bed or whatever. Thing is, there, if I didn't see it didn't happen. Haha. Now I feel the need to disinfect everything. But we're talking books here...I can't really use soap and water to clean books without ruining them. I might disinfect a little then just expose myself. Exposing myself seems like the only real option, it's not practical to clean everything. I guess my question is...would a person without OCD be concerned about this? How would they deal with it?