efes

It just occurred to me that this theme lowkey shapes my life and hits me when I least expect it. Like when I was in a rush to have a problem solved and someone was in the bathroom, I made this motion that I was rushing to show them the problem so much that I wanted to get in the toilet to show them the problem. Not to perv on them, but because my delayed reaction OCD made me forget that it would be wrong to get in the stall just to show my phone to them.

These days, I try my best not to be too reassured, but I have this theme involving my body language when kids walk by and what is acceptable to talk about that I have never confessed to anyone. I sometimes worry that my body language in front of kids is way too pleasurable or suggestive, and this is a theme that was triggered way back in about 2014 when I saw this Facebook comment about Beyonce saying that her crossing her legs in front of Blue Ivy was way too suggestive, and while it didn't become a theme immediately, I guess it got embedded in my subconscious.

Even though I didn't know it was a movie?

Found my old thread while looking up ''bystander.'' I heard what I thought was a kid crying and thought that maybe someone slapped him, and it turned out not to be that and just a movie, and I felt horror after a few minutes, ''why did you not feel horrified enough to want to confront who you thought slapped him?''

Have you guys felt this? Personally, I added a few more drops of liquid to a liquid mess that I made and my OCD made me do that for some reason.

I was telling a morbid story to my online friends, and I had this thought that was like, "pfft, you're just using tragedy to change your goody-two-shoes image." And let's face it, I am trying to change that image.

Anybody else do it? Even when my conscious intentions aren't bad, there's a little part that worries about my subconscious intentions.

You mean you bump into them?

Does anyone else freeze when it's morally right to pull away from something because of their OCD and then they panic because of it, also because of their OCD?

It's been a while since I've been anxious like this, so I guess it's hard to deal with the thoughts when I haven't had to for a while.

This is basically the root of this problem. Things only trigger me because they remind me of this root cause. Otherwise, they wouldn't.

Actually, I don't even get triggered this often by social media, but when it does happen, it often hits hard.

The thread is gone, only this tweet, but you could easily guess what was in it.

Just looked up stuff about this dysfunctional family on Twitter assuming I wouldn't get triggered. I am a little triggered now, but I'll try to keep this theme as background noise.

OK, I guess I have the idea that he could just be in private chats that don't include me.

My mind is coming to the worst conclusions about this. I have ruled out a death because there are no obituaries for them, but I still haven't ruled out that they could be planning to kill themselves.

Same, but sometimes, it's hard.

I haven't truly ruminated about this for a while, until now, but it's always in the back of my mind.

The last part is the hardest. With time, the intensity of my OCD is way down, but the thinking patterns are still there.

Sadly, in the eyes of modern-day social justice, there's this assumption that everyone overthinks every association they make and that some people are just deliberately overlooking stuff because they're selfish or whatever.

This is still true. Overall, this is a theme that I do usually brush off well, but is almost always in the background.

Also, as one could probably see, social justice pile-ons on social media, deserved or not, tend to be one thing that my OCD attaches itself to. I haven't even identified with the social justice scene for years, but my conscience is still heavily influenced by it.

Bump because while I've managed to keep this theme as background noise for the past two months, I just saw something vaguely related on Twitter that made me want to confront this theme. It had something to do with the C-list influencer I alluded to earlier in this thread, more specifically people confronting her for moving in with her attempted groomer of a brother (ugh, like father, like son) and hanging out with some other guy accused of the same thing, and I'm like, ''why is this guy still willing to even vaguely touch anything related to this family?''

Maybe so, but I kinda don't know whether I should outgrow this crush or not. You see, this guy has a famous-(ish) ex, and I feel that if he were even mildly curious about his ex, then he would probably have read about his ex's mom's misdeeds because there's a Daily Mail article about it all (the focus was on the dad, but it mentioned something about the mom covering up for the dad), and it feels like following his ex's mom is in bad taste when you think about all this. Then again, maybe he just sees things through the nostalgia filter because they both used to be so close like a decade ago, and I guess most people just don't overthink every single association they make.

BTW, I think it's weird how I could practically feel the exact moment my OCD morphed into this theme. Normally, it's a lot more insidious, but not this time.