efes

Got here from searching a bunch of keywords. I could relate to the "am I not attracted enough?" thing. These days, I know how to ride out most OCD themes, but this is different because it's like a mental block.

I'm barely on here because these days, I'm more prone to generalized anxiety if anything, but sometimes, I have this theme I can't ride out, which is the fear I won't be able to enjoy things in the near future.

I got here by looking for the word "moles." I'm kinda shy to start a new thread, but let me just say that I think someone I otherwise find attractive may have an unappealing and large mole around the neck and this is my current OCD theme. (IDK what it is, this is just an online crush.)

If I try too hard, I'll fail.

I also feel the same about my generalized anxiety.

But it really did feel fake, like I was forcing it and I wanted to have a panic attack again because being so in control was tiring.

Well, I managed to do it for days, but it could be tiring and made me feel fake.

BTW, it's usually when the specific thought gets bad that it gets hard to relax.

1. Generalized anxiety 2. OCD where I'm ruminating about a thought 3. Displaced anxiety where I'm not exactly ruminating about a thought consciously but I feel like said thought is holding me back

Uh, admittedly though, the relief brought by this short term.

https://www.anxietycoach.com/overcoming-panic-attacks.html

I'm trying to apply some tips for anxiety and even though I managed to distract myself for significant stretches of time yesterday and today, I'm too anxious to do that now, so I'll try to fill out this panic diary because it helps in distancing yourself from your emotions: Date____________09/21/2018_______ Name__________________________Marc_______________________________ Level (0-10) __________9 or 10_____ Time began: Afternoon __________________ Time ended: _Not yet__________________ Symptoms Being unable to be mindful____________________________________________________________________________ What type? Just anxiety.____________________________________________________________________________ Where are you? __Restaurant______________________________________________________________________ What were you doing when the attack began? __Just eating._______________________________________________ Are you alone? (If not, list who is present) _No, a travel group. (I'm in Korea RN.)__________________________________________________ What were you thinking before the attack? ___Something about being more nervous at lunchtime than breakfast.________________________________________________ What were you thinking during the attack? _____________Something about being afraid of laughing at and making jokes that may be offensive.______________________________________ How did you talk back to the fears? _________________________Trying to distract, but that failed.________________________________ What actions did you take to calm yourself? ________________________Same as above._________________________ How did the attack end? ________________________It hasn't.__________________________________________ How do you want to respond differently next time? ________________________Uh, I'd not panic about my anxiety. Well, of course anxiety makes you panic, but I'll try to tell myself it means nothing.____________________ www.anxietycoach.com

Let me think back to that one time yesterday when I managed to relax myself: it's because I ate a piece of food which I actually savored instead of just mindlessly chewing it, and because I remembered how to think mindfully, it led me to a good mood for the rest of the day.

BTW, I find that I have to relearn various techniques every day because I suddenly get too nervous to do them.

I'm not saying this to hold on to my anxiety, but it only got this bad because of my past self's inability to listen to the back of my mind.