lonelygirl91

I have a compulsion to "check out" guys. I don't want their attention or to talk to them. It's like checking how attracted I am to them. I'm straight and in a loving relationship but previously had ocd about being into women. Now it's morphed into rocd. Obviously I know if a guy is attractive but the checking is like, how attracted am I to some random guy? Do I find him more attractive than my fiancé? I check them in a way where they don't notice me looking and I never make eye contact. I love my fiancé so much and would hate to lose him. I would never flirt with or reciprocate another man's advances. I hate cheating. Is what I'm doing "cheating" or is this an ocd compulsion?

I also get scared that my fiancé will lose feelings for me and break up with me.

My fiancé knows about my ocd and is super supportive. He knows about my ROCD and doesn't take it personally. I'm so lucky to have such an amazing and understanding partner.

This really spiked me. What do you mean? I don't want to run off with anybody. I don't fantasise about other men. I don't think fantasising about other people when you're in a relationship is a good thing.

I've been with my fiancé for 9 months. He's my absolute world. Recently I've been having thoughts- my mind tells me that I want to break up with him. I have absolutely no intention to break up with him. I really love him and I can't imagine being with anyone else nor do I want to. I keep mentally testing how I would feel if we broke up. I feel anxious thinking about it and would hate to be single but my mind keeps convincing me to test Sometimes when we have disagreements, my mind tells me that I want to break up with him Sometimes I can get spiked by a guy who is decent looking and my mind thinks, what if I want to be with them? Like I said I don't want to be with any man other than my fiancé. He's my soul mate and he's so incredible. I feel so sick and guilty for these thoughts. I would never want to leave him or be with any other man I've also been having trouble with wetness. The past few times I've been struggling to get wet and get meltdowns. My mind tells me, what if there's something wrong with the relationship, what if I'm not attracted to him? My mind has always associated attraction with arousal and lack of with lack of attraction. We've always had a good sex life and good sex and I've almost always gotten wet in the past. Is this ROCD?

I used to struggle badly with SOCD but now it's shifted to ROCD. I've been with my partner for 7 months; we got engaged over the weekend and I'm so excited that we have a future together. I love him so much and I don't want any other man ever! I feel guilty because the relationship didn't start out as fireworks and infatuation, well not from my part. He wasn't even my usual type or that anything would turn romantic between us. As I got to spend time with him my attraction and romantic feelings grew for him. At first I wasn't sure if things would go anywhere with him and I feel so guilty for having had these thoughts because I don't feel that way anymore. It's like my feelings have grown stronger over time. I feel that he's my soul mate and that I've met the right man. I think part of me was scared of getting hurt at the beginning especially as I was scared from past relationships and my ex changing his mind about wanting to be with me despite telling me he loved me days before he broke up with me. In my past relationships it was also the opposite. With one of my exes I was infatuated with him and thought he was the one, but he quickly showed himself to be abusive and highly narcissistic. With my ex boyfriends I had legitimate concerns about them, but I have no legitimate concerns with my fiance. He's everything that I want. I also had a thought about a guy at a workshop I'm part of. I'm not interested in this guy in any way but in my mind I was like, what if I'm attracted to him and would want to be with him instead of my fiance because he's taller? I feel so terrible, guilty and sick. I don't want to be with this guy from the workshop. My fiance isn't tall, he's roughly my height or a little bit shorter but I don't care. I don’t see him as short. Before I used to care about height but not anymore. I feel so terrible for these thoughts. Is this typical of ROCD? My fiance knows about my ROCD and is super supportive. I felt so low two weeks ago as I tested a sexual thought with a random guy in my head to test that I'm not interested in other men. I felt like I had cheated and felt sick. I told my fiance and he's been so supportive. He's read up so much about ROCD and he's the only guy I've been with who I've felt comfortable about opening up to about pure OCD. I also worry that he will change his mind about me and not want to be with me. I also worry whether he finds me attractive enough even though he's reassured me that he is really attracted to me.

I'm still a bit unsure of what you mean. Sorry.

I haven't done any more mental testing because the idea of continuing to think about sex with another man is wrong for me. I feel so guilty for even thinking sexual scenarios with a random guy in my head the other day that I can't do it. For me I already felt like I cheated by mentally testing the other day. I don't get what you mean in your first sentence.

I really don't know the difference.

How is mentally testing or fantasising any different from physical cheating? To me it isn't any different. You're doing things or imagining doing things with someone who isn't your partner. Just because it's in the mind doesn't make it right. Why would you want to think about someone who isn't your partner even if it's a celebrity or random person who's a figment of your imagination? I only mentally tested to try to test how strong my feelings for my boyfriend are. I feel so terrible and disgusted with myself. It's made me realise how much I love him and would hate to ever lose him.

I don't have any doubts about my boyfriend or my relationship. I love him and want to be with him. What doubts do you think I could have? I definitely want to be with my boyfriend. I feel like I've cheated. Even for me fantasising about other people when in a relationship isn't acceptable though I wasn't fantasising, just mentally testing scenarios. Have I cheated? I feel so terrible.

Why is no one answering?

For years and years my main ocd theme was ocd about being lesbian or bi. I had other ocd themes too like pocd and health ocd. Now it's switched to rocd. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. He's so amazing and I'm really in love with him. He's everything that I want but I'm so scared to lose the relationship. I engaged in mental testing yesterday and I feel so guilty as if I cheated. I mentally tested how I would react having sex with another guy. I mentally tested a scenario of sex with a random guy to see if I would feel revulsion at the idea of being intimate with anyone but my boyfriend. I don’t class it as a fantasy as I felt anxious. I'm worried that mental testing is cheating. Many people don't even consider fantasising cheating as long as it's not acted upon. I think it's wrong personally to fantasise about other people when you're in a relationship or married as you should only think about your partner. I can't stop worrying and feeling absolutely terrible for even daring to mentally test a sexual scenario. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. It would kill me. Is this normal of rocd?

It makes sense. I don't see any red flags with my boyfriend. With my exes I had doubts from the start but overlooked them. Also I wasn't that happy with my exes. With my last ex I wasn't unhappy but I wasn't that happy either. My ex before made my life hell. I don't believe in infatuation or perfection. My boyfriend is amazing but he isn't perfect. There are some things that irritate me about him, but these are just normal human flaws not red flags. Also it took time for me to develop strong feelings for my boyfriend; it wasn't right off the bat. Are you saying I'm feeling insecure because my boyfriend has red flags?? I've had relationship fears from the start but it seems to have intensified as my feelings have grown. My boyfriend doesn’t make me feel insecure, his actions show me how committed he is. It's my anxieties from past relationships and autism that makes me super sensitive and wary.

I think it would be good for me to see a therapist as I've not really addressed my past relationships much. I think my past relationships have really affected me especially my last one. I'm so scared that my boyfriend will check out and lose interest in me and dump me like my last ex. My boyfriend is so lovely and deep know I know he's not like my ex and he's shown me how much he loves and cares about me.

I get what you're saying. It makes sense.

I don't mean to lash out. I just feel very anxious. I do appreciate the advice and I do feel more rational when I re-read the replies. It's not personal and I don't mean to attack.

Why can't I say he's my soul mate? Are you saying my feelings for him aren't genuine and I don't really have strong feelings for him?? Are you implying I shouldn't be with him??

Thanks for your reply it's oknottobeok. I really care so much about my boyfriend and our relationship. Ocdjonesy what's wrong with saying my boyfriend is my soul mate? What's wrong with saying how I feel about my boyfriend? Are you saying I'm insincere about my feelings?

Your post made me anxious? Are you doubting my feelings about my boyfriend?

My boyfriend is my soul mate. Why are you doubting that and why is it extreme?

What do you mean I'm insecure in my relationship??

How can I delete this post as no one is replying?

Anyone?

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months and he's the most amazing guy ever. I love him so much and he treats me so amazing. It's the best relationship I've ever had. The thought of not being with him makes me feel sick. He feels just as strongly about me as I do. I've suffered with mostly SOCD (sexual orientation OCD) and had fears about being gay or bi, but now it's morphed I to ROCD. I keep worrying what if I've cheated on my boyfriend and don't remember? There was a good looking guy on the train yesterday and I had the compulsion to keep looking at him. What if I was cheating by compulsively looking at him? I feel bad if I think another guy is attractive even though I know there's nothing wrong with thinking that other people are attractive. I feel guilty as initially my boyfriend wasn't my usual type and I wasn't sure about him when we first started dating. I also had fears of getting hurt so I think I used that as a barrier. However as our relationship progressed, I've developed deep feelings for him and grew really attracted to him. He's the first guy I've ever truly loved. I've never connected with a guy on such an emotional level before. I think he could really be my soul mate. I feel so guilty about my initial reservations about him and times when I've seen a good looking guy and in my mind I think, what if I could be with that guy? Then I give myself a mental shake and think, I've got the most amazing guy ever. Looks doesn’t mean anything. I'm very attracted to my boyfriend now even if he wasn't my initial type. Plus personality means way more to me than looks. The fact that my boyfriend is such a beautiful person made me fancy him more. At times I would also compare my relationship to others peoples and compare him to other guys I know. Again I feel so sick and guilty for thinking that. I just hate my brain and I feel like it's not me. I feel so **** for having these thoughts. I read about ROCD and I have the signs. I don't know where these thoughts come from. Maybe out of fear of getting hurt. Even though my boyfriend is so amazing I still have fears from past relationships. I worry my boyfriend will think I'm too much and dump me out of the blue or check out like past exes. How can I deal with this. I 10000% want to be with my boyfriend. I see a future with him and love him so much. He's the best thing to have happened to me in a long time.