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lonelygirl91

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    290
  • Joined

  • Last visited

3 Followers

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Pure OCD centred around sexual obsessions and health anxiety

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    london

Recent Profile Visitors

592 profile views
  1. You don't give me answers though. I need to know if OCD twists your mind when you mentally test. I don't know if on some level it's really true and I could desire these thoughts or if it's OCD.
  2. This is what worries me most. Can OCD trick your mind? I know i need to stop mentally testing but it's so hard.
  3. When I get the reaction I want like disgust I feel relieved and happy but when I get the opposite I get depressed and anxious.
  4. I keep testing scenarios in my head, what if i could do sexual stuff with a girl and my mind makes it seem like I'd want to and enjoy it. Does OCD distort things like this when you mentally test. I get so anxious and depressed by these thoughts. I think vaginas are gross but my mind is what if you really do like them?
  5. Today I tried not to test and I'm feeling better. Yesterday and on Wednesday I felt so bad I couldn't function. So does OCD really manipulate these scenarios and make it seem like it enjoy them even though I feel so anxious and depressed and i know that being with a woman is not what I really want. Now I'm typing it my mind is like but what if it's what you really want? I feel that when i mentally test it takes up so much effort and time, it's like my mind doesn't want to go there but I'm forcing these thoughts.
  6. I do it to test if i truly and genuinely am bi or lesbian and have those kind of feelings but am lying to myself. If I don't get the reaction I want from the thoughts such as disgust and seeming like I could enjoy being with a woman I get anxious and depressed.
  7. I don't want to be attracted to women; the idea just makes me feel sick and depressed. There's no rational reason. For me it would be the end of the world and make me want to kill myself.
  8. I kept testing in detail what if I'd want to be intimate with a woman. I keep testing could I do stuff with a woman and what would I do it a hot girl came onto me. The more I test the more it seems like I could actually want and desire it which scares me and makes me feel anxious. I felt so depressed and hopeless. Mentally testing is so exhausting. I really have to focus so hard to conjure up these thoughts and my brain keeps trying to loose focus. When I get the react I want (disgust and no way, it's definitely not for me!) it makes me feel happy, but when I don't get the reaction that I want (it seeming like I could want to be with a girl and enjoy and desire it), I get freaked out, depressed and anxious. Can your brain really make you think that you could want or enjoy doing something that you don't really want? The more I test these scenarios the more I get the reaction I don't want. Mentally testing is so exhausting and doesn't allow me to focus or function. Yesterday I had to leave work early because I felt so bad and I don't really want to eat because I feel so anxious. When I think about a guy I enjoy it and it doesn't get in the way of my life. I don't have to test to see whether or not I enjoy it. I don't have to force my mind to analyse the scenarios. I feel happy when I think about guys. I haven't had a really bad episode like this in a long time with the mental testing. I think it could be because this year I got rejected by a guy who I really liked. I tend to feel much worse when I'm going through a bad time. I thought he liked me too. He was the first guy that I really fancied and thought that I clicked with in a long time. He messed me around and led me on and then said he didn't want a relationship and it was best to leave things. It really knocked me and made me feel low.
  9. By the way I really enjoyed being intimate with this guy even though I felt nervous. I really wanted to stay at his but couldn't because I didn't take my medication which I need to help me sleep and I feel anxious about sleeping without it. I looked forward to sleeping with him again but unfortunately he messed me around and doesn't want to see me anymore.
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