fightoffyourdemons

How do people deal with differentiating between OCD reassurance and genuinely needing help with something? Of course this relates mainly to guilt, but I'm struggling with something at the moment, but don't particularly want to speak with my significant other about it, or close friends, incase it is just reassurance seeking. But, truth be told, because it is such a pragmatic issue, I really cannot tell if this is something I can be justified worrying about... Thank you x

Hi Ashley, thank you so much for replying. I have had CBT on and off for about 4 years and I generally am able to get to grips with most things. I'm at the stage where I'm not panicking a lot about it, and I'm thinking that perhaps I should just 'ride it out' and wait for it to pass as it often does. I know ruminating on it will cause it to continue and prolong and I know relaxing and just taking it slow will make it better, it's just difficult because it puts me back in the mindset of being 15 and having all of these issues with my first girlfriend, which eventually killed the spark.

Hi all, Yet again I am here looking for some support (but not really reassurance), just to feel that I am not alone and to hear from others who may have experienced the same thing. I was diagnosed with OCD and BPD in my early teens and I am in my late 20’s now. I have a long history of ROCD and erectile dysfunction, but I have been dating the most incredible women for 6 months now and I have fallen for her completely and I’m beginning to think she has fallen for me too (she is quite a guarded person, but so strong and has helped me a huge amount – it’s quite a big deal to see her so emotionally invested in me as she always plays her cards close to her chest – I’ve cracked the ‘ice queen’ as she puts it!). Now, all of this should be great and wonderful and for the last 4 months we have had the most amazing and healthy sex life. However, a few weeks ago, I struggled to ‘perform’ for the first time in a while – it could have been due to any number of reasons – tiredness etc and now I’m constantly worried about how I feel about her and I feel my sex drive has gone completely. I can’t even ‘self help’ when I’m on my own. All I do is think about the spark going, if I feel anything etc etc. Now I know (or at least I’m pretty sure) that it’s ROCD which is sucking all of the magic out of it. But I’m worried that I will lose my sex drive permanently. It has gone back to how it was when I first met her (I always get nervous). Is it possible that the ROCD is causing my sex drive to diminish at the moment? Is the fact I’m worrying about it all the time contributing to it? I can’t stress how attracted to her I am, how wonderful she is and how much I want to be with her. I should add that we are still having sex - 3 times a week or so (but we were having it every night for about 2 months which I know isn't sustainable) - but I have to build myself up to it - I'm worried about it failing before it's even started and am worried that I won't enjoy it. I can lost the 'ability' during if I panic too much. It just feels like I’m running on auto pilot at the moment and have to remind myself that I feel these things. I know I love her, I must - it can't just disappear overnight? I'm sure the fact she is getting more invested in me is adding to the pressure and 'flight' issues I have had in the past. I just seem numb. Will this pass? Thank you

Phew, I'm glad you said that

Thank you all for your input on this. I would love to hear anyone else's thoughts on this?

Brilliant, thank you!

Really? I never knew that. I guess that's why ROCD is so prevalent?

Thank you. Despite knowing all this, it's very helpful to have someone else reinforce without reassuring. Thank you.

Hi there, long time member of forum (but rare poster) and recent full member of OCD UK I was wondering if anyone else has found that your OCD will attack you when you're at your happiest? I know it seems to strike at any time, be it when you're sad or whatever, but I find mine really spikes when I feel I am onto something good. I have always suffered from ROCD very badly, and I had it at the start of my current relationship (we are currently at 4 months, which is very good for me. By now I have usually either bailed on them, or acted so strangely that they leave me). I am lucky enough to have found someone who is very understanding, but during the inevitable rocky patch that I always create (about a month - in when my insecurities go into overdrive), I didn't have any ROCD symptoms. Now things are very good again, the ROCD has come back in full force. Or rather I attach guilt to the thoughts more than I did before. It also seems to create very unusual circumstances which I'm sure wouldn't happen if I didn't have OCD. For example, I have always had a fear of touching or pressing my groin area when talking to someone else who I find attractive (this fear is only here when I am in a relationship). It stems from when I was 15 and had my first girlfriend and I stupidly did deliberately touch myself in a sexual way when talking on the phone to another girl. It wasn't a sexual conversation but I was definitely 'getting off' to the thought of her. She had no idea I was doing it. It was horrible. I told my girlfriend this, which obviously upset her because it was wrong. This is the closest thing to cheating and I have ever done and I'm sure it is what has caused most of the ROCD going forward. Now, from time to time (I am 27), when I am talking to someone who I find attractive (a friend usually - either in person or by text), I suddenly worry that I'm deliberately leaning into an object for sexual stimulus. As soon as I realise I am doing it I stop, but then for the rest of the conversation with that person, I am worried constantly about what I say, or do. I know I should face my fear and think "so what if I was?", but I know that I would have to tell my current partner and that it would ruin things. Now, at no point have I purposefully touched myself or deliberately tried to 'get off' when talking to someone else since the incident when I was 15 (a child). I'm sure my hand has just been innocuously on an area, or I have been laying/leaning a certain way, but because of what happened before, it is something I believe I am capable of doing something so horrendous and that I am a monster. What if I was doing it without noticing? I stopped when I realised, but is the actual action still bad? How do I know if I was doing it for sexual gain? Perhaps without knowing I was thinking about the person and pushing onto my bed or whatever I am laying/standing on or against, because it felt nice. Is this just something that people do and don't even notice? An innate human trait? I find it hard to judge conversations and seem to find sexual attraction from perfectly innocent conversations with attractive people. But I think that's just to do with the ROCD- I never give these thoughts any time normally. Surely that's just human nature to very mildly flirt and enjoy it sometimes? I realise this may have gone off topic slightly and that reassurance can't really be given, but surely the entire situation is created by what happened when I was a child? Surely non-sufferers don't worry about a specific form of cheating where they are talking to someone who they find attractive and they push on their groin or lay in a way which feels nice? Or am I just a sick freak?! It's so frustrating because I really think I am onto something good with this girl, but I am wracked with guilt that I have done something wrong. I should add, that I have used the term *partner* when describing my current relationship, but we are still only classing it as "exclusively dating". She takes a while to class someone as her boyfriend, which is fine. So maybe I shouldn't be worried about any of this any way!? Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated. Sorry for the long post. FOYD x

that's very good reading, thank you. it certainly makes it hard to know whether you are a good person or not.

good advice polar.

thanks all - that's very helpful. it's frustrating because i could say these things to another person with ocd, but blank it when it comes to myself. although, do you see my point? ocd prompts you to feel guilty over things which you shouldn't have to. therefor, surely that is the ocd making that feeling worse? there has to be a difference between the ocd and regular thoughts doesn't there? for example, someone without ocd hugs someone they vaguely know. they don't feel guilty or like they have cheated on their partner. someone wtih ocd does the same thing, and believes this is cheating and the guilt consumes them. surely that's clearly ocd? * by the way, the above example isn't applicable to me at the moment, i just know it's a common one.

Hi there. In the past I used to confess these worries all the time and it ruined the sexually relationship with that partner. Now, I was very young at the time (16/17) so I probably didn't handle it in the best way, so it may not have the same outcome with you, but I would strongly recommend not giving into the compulsion and acknowledging it's existence by confessing. If you don't feel guilty and it is almost like a 'tick', then you should try and ride it out. Take your mind off things...if possible (I know how hard that is). Try and get lost in the moment, otherwise you will forever associate sex with these thoughts. If you feed them, they will return.

Hey butterfly lady, thank you for your message. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling, but I am pleased that this forum offers support. Stay strong!

Hi there, I was wondering how people ultimately decide whether something is genuine guilt or just their OCD? It is so frustrating for me because I have battled this for so many years and I thought I had a handle on it. On a day to day basis, I know right from wrong, I feel I would always do the right thing. But it becomes a grey area when I have done something which would probably upset another person, even if technically there was nothing wrong with what I did (and I know non-sufferers would agree with that). My OCD obviously runs with this thought, but because there is some foundation of genuine wrong-doing (but the type that most people just live with for the greater good), how do you get past it? Why was I able to deal with it for 2 or 3 months, but suddenly now I feel guilty about it? Is it because the rest of my life is going well? What an absurd, confusing thing OCD really is.

Hey there, I am a new member here and I thought I would just nervously introduce myself. I have been a long-time reader for a while, and have finally now decided to register, to give myself another avenue of awareness and support. A little about me I suppose? I am male, late 20's and I have been diagnosed with OCD from the age of 5. I have familiar themes, ROCD, guilt, SH, cleanliness and so on. I love music (90's indie, pop punk, the Smiths), birdwatching and walking. Recently I have lapsed back into guilt quite heavily (as I am now in a very happy relationship) so I am hoping to speak to like-minded people who can assist when the times get bleak. I have had many successful years of CBT and I am not currently attending any sessions. I am also on 40mg of fluoxetine. That's probably enough rambling for now, but hi, nice to meet you all!