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  1. Yes that was the point I was making. Thank you for the thoughtful response. I think I am afraid that resisting compulsions-- the "right" thing to do-- will eventually let me down. I want to do the right things that will help my mental well-being, but I don't want to be wrong about something important.
  2. Danny has OCD, but he is working on not responding to the thoughts in his brain. One day he is driving to work, and hears a loud thud. His brain says "What if I just hit someone!" He thinks back for a second, and he does remember possibly seeing something moving in the corner of his eyes. He starts to panic, but then thinks, "Wait a second-- this is just my OCD! It's going to throw out any reason it can for me to double check, but I'm not going to listen!" So he continues on with his day. He starts thinking about the work he has to do as he arrives at work, parks his car, and starts tackling his to-do list. Then he thinks, "Did I lock my car? I was distracted and I think I may have forgotten to lock it!" Again, he decides that checking would be a compulsive behavior. There have been hundreds of times he had that same thought, and it turned out to be nothing. The doubt lingers for a while, but eventually goes away. He feels good knowing he was able to resist a compulsion. After his busy day, he gets back to his car, and realizes in horror that it had been broken into. hundreds of dollars worth of equipment was now gone. As upsetting as this was, it wasn't quite as bad as getting pulled over and arrested for a hit and run earlier that day. The end. Did you like my story? It may be a bit far-fetched, but it's not impossible for something like that to happen eventually. It probably wouldn't happen twice in a row like that, by maybe 0.1% - 5.0% of the time. Someone could be wrong in thinking their warning thoughts are "just OCD". It isn't impossible. Thoughts?
  3. Yes, but as far as I know, that 2nd hand wash might be the first, because I have no way of knowing whether or not I already washed them. See, I am talking about situations in which you legitimately do not know one way or the other. Just like I forget I washed my hands when in reality I did, there might be times when I really do forget to wash my hands. Let's say that is the case in this hypothetical scenario-- I forget to wash up, but I don't really know one way or the other. I try to think back but it does no good. What then? If I just think "Oh that's my OCD causing me doubt." -- In this scenario, in which I did not wash my hands, I would be wrong in thinking that.
  4. That occured to me. There have been times where I would 80% sure of something, but I wanted to be more certain. But in many cases, it is 50/50. That, to me, can't be called doubt. That means having no clue one way or the other. Again, why wouldn't I be able to pay attention enough to at least have a clue?
  5. I've gotten better at not washing my hands for a long time. I try to keep it at about 15-20 seconds. The only "rule" is that I use soap, and get each part of the hand. I think most people miss the thumbs and backs of the hands when they wash, and I try not to do that. It takes just a little bit of concentration to wash up. If I just rub my hands together without any focus whatsoever, I would most likely miss areas of the hands. The problem is that I often lose focus and end up being unsure if I got all the areas I intended to get. It should be very easy-- but when I'm looking at myself washing my hands, it sometimes does not register in my brain that I've done it. I'll see myself do it, but then instantly forget in a manner of seconds. I am sure this has something to do with OCD, but you would think that OCD would cause me to have a laser focus so that I can be sure I wash my hands. In reality, I feel tense and have difficulty focusing enough for it to register in my brain. Why is that exactly?
  6. I can't figure out why I do things I really don't want to do-- things I know better than to do. Today I cut a banana that was in a plastic container. The knife did touch the bottom and caused a little scratch. I debated throwing out the food since there could be a plastic shaving, but I didn't want to react prematurely, so I put it away in the fridge. I decided later that I should just toss it since saving $2 wasn't worth the risk of ingesting plastic. I took it out, and thought "well I can at least eat the food on the opposite side." So I did. Then I realized-- after putting it away and taking it out I have no idea which side was which. I could have eaten the side where there might be a plastic shaving. It is possible a bit of plastic came off right? Like if you create a scratch it with a knife, and it shows a little indentation, it seems reasonable to assume some plastic either came off-- it didn't just disappear. I realize this all sounds like OCD-- with all the hypotheticals-- but eating plastic can be dangerous, and it is possible there was a very small plastic shaving. It would have been so small that it probably would be dissolved by my stomach and ingested. So now I'm thinking I sabotaged my health-- all because of doing two stupid things right on top of each other-- cutting fruit while on a plastic container, and then eating the fruit. I realize most people probably would not worry about a tiny piece of plastic that they may have ingested, but I don't believe a normal person would have been stupid enough to cut off a part of a banana while it was in a plastic container. I wasn't thinking. How can I behave like a normal person when I'm already doing things a normal person wouldn't do? How do I do stupid things when I know better than to do them?
  7. This isn't one of my themes actually, so no it isn't hard. Just thought I would ask. There are different reasons for asking these things besides uncertainty and reassurance.
  8. No it wouldn't actually-- just want to hear from other what they would do if they heard a joke about OCD.
  9. Well I never said need, and no I don't feel guilt. I feel nobody should be making those types of jokes at work. I'm not going to make a halfway hollocaust joke to a survivor. It's not a good habit.
  10. It's money mostly. I don't have the funds for that.
  11. I've been trying to simply avoid doing compulsions whenever I can, without psyching myself out so much. It's not working. I need to do actual honest to God ERP. I do not have time or resources to get a therapist, but any advice, articles, or books you can recommend would be great. I have decided I need to do this even though I will be risking my health (in my mind) and my sanity for a few months going forward.
  12. He knows I have OCD, and for some reason he has made 3 jokes about OCD. He does not understand it is a serious condition-- he thinks it's just about wanting things perfectly in order. I ignored it at first but since it keeps happening I'm going to say something. Just wanted advice-- should I let our manager know just so he is aware of what is going on?
  13. I can't believe I did this. I put a bottle of lotion in a cupboard where I store food. This is scented lotion. I know it is in a bottle, so the lotion didn't psychically contact the food, but in 26 degrees Celcius heat, and in a small cupboard, it seems possible that the fumes could affect the food. When I worked at a grocery store as a teenager, we were instructed to bag non-food items separately. Why is that, if not for this very reason? Should I toss the food? I ask myself what a "normal" person would do, but there is no answer for that because a normal person would not have been stupid enough to put a bottle of lotion in a food cupboard. I hate that I do stupid things like this that cause me to have to go into OCD mode.
  14. Yes, but it's taking a long time for it to work. it's been a nightmare because it's in so many places. I have been washing my hands about twice as often-- especially in the shower after washing the infected areas.
  15. Yes I contacted the doctor today and I was given instruction to wash in hot water, which I have not been using. I'm thinking I need to wash the laundry and not worry about things that the clothes touched, since that would be compulsive. Thoughts?