Chelsie

An extra battle- sat down for panto and accidentally trod in my mum's handbag strap. She has now wiped it over me several times. This is a real test - the soles of shoes are my worst nightmare. But look - I'm even using my phone !

Haven't given in yet - will be leaving soon and then no more opportunity!

Ok - have been ill with norovirus for 2 days. Today is family outing to pantomime - all looking forward to it. Feel washed out but determined to go - showered, hair washed and smart dress on. Looking for make up - much has, I'm embarrassed to say, ended up in an area I feel is contaminated. Found lipstick on my dressing table. Put some on. Now worried it is one that has fallen on the floor and someone has picked up and put on dressing table. I am sooooo feeling the need to wash it off and wipe face with antibacterial wipes. But I'm sticking with it - hopefully the distraction of going out will keep me going

Good advice - will try to think of it like this !

Thank you! I found it!

Sorry kittypurrry - didn't see a pm. Where do you access them on this site?

Yes good advice. I think sometimes the day stretching in front of me seems so long that I put off getting up (unless I'm on my way to work and have a deadline).

Any advice for dealing with this anxiety on Waking up?

Woken up to horrible anxiety feelings again but determined not to let today start like yesterday did.

Pretty much managed a whole evening with no washing. Cheated by not putting on any laundry etc but even still - an evening without compulsions.

I'm fighting!

This morning was a big disaster. Trying harder tonight. Just sat down in front of the tv on my sofa, which has the recliner-foot rest raised. Normally I make sure that my feet hang over the end so that the bottom of my feet doesn't touch the sofa at all. However, I accidentally kicked the sofa as I put my feet up. Automatic reaction is to get antibacterial wipes and wipe down the footrest where my feet touched it. Am sitting watching the tv now and trying hard to resist the temptation to do this.

You're absolutely correct. Anxiety seems worse in the mornings and facing fears seems more difficult.

I realise that was an unreasonable post - nobody could offer any real advice. Just felt I needed someone to talk to and was in my own. onwards and upwards....

Cbt starts tonight. This mornings panic continues however

From previous cbt, I understand the theory that the fight or flight response to adrenaline is meant to be short lived and, if you can wait the panic out without carting out compulsions, it should reduce. However, I often don't find this is the case. Yesterday I had an issue. The previous day I had carried a dress downstairs to put on and felt that I had touched it on the kitchen bin as I walked past. The kitchen bin feels the most contaminated area in the house as this is where I put wipes etc when I have cleaned any contamination. I put the dress on the floor immediately (just happened to be near the tumble drier) as I was in a hurry to go out - found s new dress and planned to wash the dirt one later. Yesterday I was taking clothes to put on for work out of the tumble drier. My duvet cover half fell out at the same time and I was worried it might have touched the dirty dress. I am attempt to avoid the compulsion to rewash the duvet cover, I put it back in the tumble drier. This morning, I need to tumble some underwear for myself and my daughter which I washed overnight. However, instead of the panic over the tumble drier reducing because I didn't give in to the compulsion to take the duvet cover out and rewash it, it has increased and now I don't feel I can use the drier as it is completely contaminated. What am I doing wrong? Stuck in bed now and don't know how to move on.

Feel guilty about another negative post. I'm now at work - was hard but the best thing. Surrounded by people, lots of distraction. Hopeful if the rest of the day being more positive.

I feel your pain. I'm back to work after Xmas break today and hoping that will make me more tired and more likely to sleep tonight!

The contaminated floor goes back to my worry about having stepped in blood 3 weeks ago. All the floors of my house seem contaminated.

Eek - positivity gone out of the window. Slept badly as anxious about going back to work after Xmas today. My daughter just climbed in bed with me for a cuddle and was holding a soft toy I saw her drop in the floor and pick up yesterday. She rubbed it all over me before I noticed. Now I'm lying in bed feeling completely contaminated. Really didn't plan to do any exposure on an already stressful morning.

And also got cbt appointment booked for Friday - success #3

Today has been very mixed, but I am doing my best to think about the positives that have come out if it. I woke up very anxious - this is increasingly the worst part of the day. I didn't have anything particularly stressful to do so there was no reason for this. Cold sweats, restless legs and palpitations - not nice! Had a nice lunch with some of my family who I didn't get much of a chance to see over Christmas. My uncle is au fait with my OCD and we had a good chat about how things are going. Came home and had a fairly major blip. Had to deal with laundry and putting bins out for bin men tomorrow - 2 chores that really set my contamination OCD going. Also cleaned up the kitchen, which had several 'no go zones' of contamination which I knew I had to deal with. These 3 jobs took a long time, were quite stressful and there was far too much handwashing. Went out to see other family this evening. Saw a cushion being dropped on the floor by someone and then put back on the sofa but forced myself to sit leaning on it all evening. I was wearing a cardigan and I forced myself to hang it up in my wardrobe when I got home and not put it in the washing - success! Had to do a bit of ironing when I got home. This is not a common occurrence in my house and haven't had the ironing board out since before Christmas. Half way through, I noticed some redfish brown marks on the ironing board cover. My OCD brain automatically saw these as blood and panic set in. However, managed to rationalise that even if it were blood, the only person who ever touches the ironing board in the house is me and so there was nothing to worry about. Continued with ironing and put thought to one side - success #2.

I'm sorry that I haven't much to say to help you with this as it is very different to my OCD. However, didn't want to leave you hanging with no response. The fact that you are worrying about this is proof of what a caring mum you must be.

This gives me so much hope, Kitty. So glad you're feeling more like yourself. I want to get past this bad patch so I can go back to being me again. This OCD driven is so not me. I'm really a positive person who is happy with their life and loves their job and family. I have nothing to complain about really. People ask my if my OCD is brought on by stress and I find it difficult to explain that it is the OCD itself which gives me stress m, not the other way around!

I hope you're right - the problem is that work has been the root of one of my major current panics so really worried it will kick off when I return. However, absolutely agree that being busy is a really good therapy!