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I'll do my best, it's always the rumination that gets me and I've tried so hard to break the cycle, it was probably just an intrusive thought.... But what if it wasn't etc and because it's someone very close then the guilt kicks in.

I'm struggling at the moment my checking compulsions are getting worse and I am getting really down and depressed with my horrible harm OCD intrusive thoughts. Today I was a bit moody and my daughter has messed up a cupboard in the bathroom as she isn't very careful and constantly soaks everything so I was moaning to my wife who said that we will have to get rid of it then and get a new one, a voice in my head said.... No get rid of the problem! I immediately replied to myself no that's not right, I don't know if it was just something that popped in my head or if I meant to say it in anger.... And so the rumination begins

Thank you for the replies and yep I'm on Paroxetine and the dreams are always vivid but I've not had one where I've done anything like this nightmare, made me feel sick to my stomach.

Hi all, I was wondering if anyone has had guilt related to dreams when OCD gets a grip, I had an awful dream last night that I was cutting my dog in half with a knife, don't ask me why as i have no idea. I deal every day with the worst possible harm intrusive thoughts but actually seeing this in a dream made me wake up in a cold sweat and I burst into tears earlier. Why would I dream something so horrible, is my subconscious trying to tell me something? Hopefully not! It just hasn't helped my current situation at all. Thanks for reading.

On your last point I do know I definitely suffer with OCD, all my other traits that I suffer with such as tidyness, fear of dust, checking etc etc all tie in. I accepted that diagnosis years ago but it still doesn't quell the doubts about these nasty thoughts that crop up.

Thanks for replying, totally get what you are saying regarding the thoughts, I remember when my OCD really kicked off and I think it was about 1981-82 and out of the blue something in my head said that if I wanted to I could kill/hurt people and I remember the worry of that all of a sudden made me go cold and my whole world changed instantly. From that day onwards it's like my intrusive thoughts are constantly coming up with reasons to hurt people and I bloody detest them as all I want Is a quiet life free of this worry. I guess that's to much to ask as an OCD sufferer, my mind never switches off which is probably the reason why I love my sleep .

Evening all, I'm after your opinion on a question I have please regarding the above. I've had OCD in various guises for longer than I care to remember and harm OCD is my biggest issue and the one that's always there! I suppose the question is how do I know deep down I'm a genuinely good person? If I am why do I continuously get these thoughts? I understand nearly everyone has them occasionally but with me it's all the while and I don't enjoy them and I try not to analyse them either. My daughter had a brilliant idea for my wifes birthday today and up pops an intrusive thought too horrible to say here... Why? Now I do question about myself being a good person when the complete opposite should have happened. I'm not reassurance seeking I would just like your opinions on this, especially those who go through it daily like myself, thanks.

I'm with McW on this one and totally empathize on what he said, the thoughts can be so terrifying and twisted that I too wouldn't want to discuss them. OCD is very clever but it's also a massive liar always remember that.

Thanks for the reply, I'm definitely going into that loop, need to stop now I know as I don't want it to affect my ability to do the job and try to move forward.

I think it's the fact that I could have stopped her and made her pay but my pride came first and I didn't want to get into trouble, that's the cause of the guilt if that makes sense.

Hi, I started a new job the other day in a DIY store and it involves serving customers and scanning items, it's been going okay but I made a mistake the other day and forgot to scan an item as I had been left to serve the customer, it was some disposalable dust sheets which were about six quid and i didn't realise I'd forgotten untill she came back in and picked them up off the counter and it suddenly hit me that i hadn't scanned them, unfortunately I bottled it and didn't stop her to say she hasn't paid for them and let her walk out. I felt so bad that I bought them myself and paid and then put them back in stock so the stock is right but my OCD has now latched on giving me a massive feeling of guilt for bottling it in the first place, basically I should have said something in the first place but didn't have the courage as I didn't want to look useless.

Where whatever OCD throws at you that you just don't care any more? I have had this illness since I was in single figures and I'm now 54. I have had therapy and tried my hardest but while OCD hasn't beaten me as such I just feel sooooo tired with it that I'm getting to the point of that whenever it comes up with a new problem I just say "**** it, Whatever" I'm done!

In my battle to hit OCD head on I often do my ERP exercises and with my biggest issue being harm OCD my therapist did say that these may be a bit hardcore as I move up the scale. My question is that is guilt an issue for anyone else using this method, today I was thinking about the kind of suggestions OCD might come up with and I thought that the 911 disaster was funny just as an example, now unfortunately I failed as I used a compulsion to diffuse it obviously the wrong call but perhaps I was moving to fast as I then had a massive anxiety spike. I'd just like to hear other members thoughts on dealing with the guilt that ERP can cause and how you deal with it, thanks.

Thanks, it's unbelievable how an illness like this can cause you to doubt so much, almost like you don't trust who you are. ERP is tough but effective if you persevere, I had a magical thinking episode a few weeks ago basically along the lines of if I see something I'll then do something. I then thought sod it and went out deliberately looking for things that would cause my anxiety to trigger and after a while it lessened to a degree that when the coincidences happened I didn't really care. It does work.... Eventually.

So I tried the ERP on this last night and turned it on its head, had some quiet time and did the original thing over and over again regarding praying to the devil to leave me alone and stop these horrible thoughts and why does he choose me to use these thoughts on etc, etc! Seems to take the edge off a bit and make it even sound quite funny after a while. Hopefully this is the right approach?

I just spiral when something like this happens, I said before I went to bed last night in my head that I vowed on all living creatures lives that I would never pray to the devil..... And if I did it would be classed as evil! Forgot I'd said it in my head last night and did that daft thing thing this morning so breaking that vow and instigating more guilt on myself. Compulsions are my biggest issue and even after ERP I'm still struggling. Hopefully this post doesn't sound like I need to be locked in a padded room. Thanks for the replies so far...

At the moment the tools aren't really helping and the OCD says in doing what I've done I'm now a devil worshipper. If I sound insane I do apologise but I guess different things worry different people, just need to get some constructive advice please.

As regular members know I struggle with OCD promises, vows etc and it doesn't take much to spark it off. Last night I had an intrusive thought about solemnly vowing to pray to the devil, it was worrying me all last night so this morning I kind of said okay I pray to the devil to please leave me alone and stop putting the horrible thoughts in my head. It wasn't like a worship prayer more like pleading him to leave me alone. Now the OCD says I'm evil for praying to the devil but in reality it was just a compulsion to rid me of the original issue and of course it's failed and I never learn! If all this sounds a bit crazy I apologise but could just do with being pointed in the right direction. Thanks.

Thanks, I'm trying not too.

Unfortunately yesterday I had another couple of coincidences, I was walking home from work and this thought popped into my head that said if I guess the registration year of a car parked in a driveway and if the first thing I d see when I turn to walk over our local heath is a dog I'll do the horrible thing! Well I was right on both counts and in fact there were three dogs which pushed my anxiety through the roof!

Unfortunately my OCD has been on a roll just lately, I've changed jobs and it hasn't gone to plan so I'm in a low mood and it loves to pick on me when I'm down, guess it's the coincidence of this that has got to me.

While watching Deal or no Deal on Monday I had a thought just pop into my head and guessed which one of the twenty two people would be picked and my thought said if this person was I'd do something unimaginable to my daughter and of course you can guess what happened next..... Any advice on how to treat this would be appreciated please as I know it's just a coincidence but the OCD doubt creeps in and it says things like "She hasn't been picked for three weeks" which of course adds to the stress. Tia.

Taken on board PolarBear, thanks

I wonder if anyone can relate to this please, as regular readers will know I suffer quite badly with the above but after some excellent advice from other members I'm getting a bit better at handling the thoughts. I had an instance today where a horrible thought about hurting a family member popped into my head and probably the best why to describe it is that if plan A didn't work then possibly plan B would regards hurting them, sometimes though it's like I'm mentally trying to figure it out which then makes me feel like a terrible person and as if I really want to do it. Is this just OCD playing it's games? I know I'm an overthinker I hope this makes sense to at least one person.

Thanks snowbear, everything you say makes total sense I now have to do my best and implement your advice