Kcbell92

As some of you may know I do have aspergers and ocd, and I get easily overwhelmed with issues from both, plus a semi troubled past with friends and family, like people doing me dirty and some also taking advantage of me for money, creating abondment issues and a little broken family with my mother who died in front of me having aggressive depressive bipolar. And I’m trying to find my way, now 2 years clean of gambling, to finally enjoy myself with small things in life like I used to, and to have more goal planning to enjoy what I can as I plan with rebuilt money to like enjoy small trips, maybe solo maybe not solo, and how to anticipate it now and how to enjoy it later when it may happen and most importantly and how to keep that mindset going forward through the first plan to the next and to my daily life. I do still see my CBT dr and he does help but I want to get advice from other people who suffer from what I do, please help

I just feel worthless and wanna just quit my job and live in lifelong misery

I just hate being how i am and thinking like I do and wanting to just shelter myself up with everything

I am over obsessing over sports and peoples comments at my job saying how like now with American football my team the New York jets (a top 5 super bowl preseason favorite, now with the lost of there veteran quarterback rodgers out tor the year with an injury, jets aren’t a favorite at all now) and a couple people were telling me as they left work last week that jets season over every day and asking me questions about who I like in football and how I’m miserable as a jets fan and my life is pointless liking the Mets and jets lifelong losing franchises

I just blew up and I hate my life and want to just waste away in worthless misery with the Yankees going to 75-73 with 12 games left

I’m giving up on my excitement to have motivation to succeed in life bc of as I’ve previously said and @snowbear was aware of, the Mets in baseball here in America having a below average year with the highest payroll in the league and all time North American sports, but the inner state rivals the Yankees also didn’t have a good season and are the better team overall history wise, but bc they have a record of 75-73 with 15 games left and even tho they won’t make the playoffs either, they may finish over .500, meaning more wins then losses to end the season. Therefore, if they do, and being they’ve been playing better the last 3 weeks, I won’t be able to handle myself and do anything and just be depressed this winter bc they haven’t had a losing season since 1992 and I hate my life so much. Also to note I have aspergers too

It’s fine now, just took me about 2 days and yes, doctor approved and spoken to

I started taking meds for my aspergers and ocd. I take luvox again and started Abilify which I haven’t taken in 2 years. I don’t feel good right now on the abilify, meaning stomach cramps and small pains. It probably will pass. And I mentally feel a title better, even just 2 days back on it. Can anyone relate?

The meds do help relieve these intrusive thoughts and needing to understand everyone of something seems out of order with people more consistently then before, and helps the compulsions I’ll take because of it. And as for @determination987 did meds help you with this and for @howardI’m going to Restart Luvox and Abilify again. I do have other small hobbies but my job as previously said I sit at a desk a lot bored after a while, so it’s hard to stay focused on the hobbies, but I’m trying to learn to be more dependent on myself like with even more self esteem and understanding that the alternative of that is better then the stress I’m putting on myself to see someone maybe twice a year

Will medication i used to be on, that I am going to restart help my mindset running nonstop on this

Yes because I can’t take this being bored and focusing on my past with the two people in my past and the friend now when he doesn’t answer all the time and sometimes not daily but always still reaching out and being understanding doing to me what they did and what they said all others would do to me

I get distracted in my thoughts and worries sometimes but I’m going to restart new medication soon

And I have picked up some new hobbies and talking to my CBT dr about more so I’m not checking my phone like I did

But most people aren’t living alone or as bored at me in there lives on top of having personal issues and just sometimes wanting to shelter up and/or thinking nothing more of just texting for a few min 2 times a day most days and calling like once a week or every other week

Hey sorry. Just reading this now. I’m just trying to remember it’s ok to give my fine space and if he wants to reach out and talk to me, he’ll do it then.

Forget about the film, this isn’t about that, its about the first friend who had major depression issues I found out years later, who affected my mind that I am a bad person and I can never stop being the way I am in conversation and in person. And the next friend a few years later who also said and did the same who had cp also affected my mind and they used to complain about there life issues and life situations and how I didn’t understand and didn’t care and as I said before I was selfish and self centered and full of myself in greatness (none of which was true) and how when I tried to work it out with them and prove myself and better myself to them, that they just kept attacking me about my continued failures in life, and how I’ll never improve myself and then ignored me and blew me off otherwise, as well as saying that any future friends in my life will do the same to me when I do to new friends what i do to them, and they’ll cut me off for the same reasons as the previous two. And my friend now gets depressed a lot bc he’s always making mistakes with money and not paying bills on time and I’m always worried bc he’s gotten reactionary on me and blames me for not caring enough in the moment, that bc it’s happened a few times, that bc when he tells me he’s seeing this other friend that he keeps on spending to much with, I feel guilt and remorse and regret and I feel obligated for his misery. And I’m always worried that the next response when he doesn’t answer for a long while, is that he is going to be so angry at me bc I didn’t help him enough that he’s going to cut me off bc of his continued financial mistakes with spending to much and that he isn’t going to want to do anything with me anymore and the other two from the past were correct

A lot of it my CBT dr said is, that I’m bored at home, living alone and I’m bored at work too, security by myself. So I think this stuff and focus on needing this friend to get back to me to get through work

I tried film school, at the same time that friend turned against me. It didn’t work out, too expensive and way too competitive and too much nepotism. But the first friend actually had depression issues, bc 5 years later we spoke and he totally forgot he said that to me and he felt really bad and he was really upset I got like that and he said Even tho I didn’t help and texted him too much then which I admitted, he also admitted to not being better about it. The second friend was bad too, and there may be others who do that to me too. But I don’t have to speak to my friend now daily bc of my history with the other two or else this friend doesn’t care about me and Wants to cut me off. I don’t have to see this friend every so often, and that’s more then I even see my other longer term friends. I also think I may re start my meds again

It’s a long story, but I had friends come and go when I was young and just moved on bc it’s life, but when I was 18, I used to make films with this friend from school for like 3 years and film was my passion then and potential career, but he suddenly didn’t just stop doing it with me, he began telling me that no matter what I said and what I did, I always ruined it with him and would with others too because I can’t stop being a problem in conversation and in person, and (I tried to prove myself and act better and nicer to him) but he said I didn’t improve and I’ll never improve and nobody is going to want to deal with my selfish uncaring disrespectful personality and lifestyle. Then in 2016 I met someone I thought would be a longtime friend as well that had Cp, turned out he was just living in the moment and would commit to come through and see me and say I’m great but then after wouldn’t show up for hours and was hardly getting back to me, then he downgraded me too and my life and my mindset and how I’m bad with people like the first friend

This has become very difficult for me

I am just fed up with these worries about how I am Always worried about losing my friend now and even other friends who still chat a lot with me but don’t get together as much or much at all anymore. And thinking that I ruined it or mostly I didn’t take the most out of it or other issues then and enjoy it as much then or how I’m especially concerned that they won’t ever come through or even friends who I see more bc of my past with people really lying to me and downgrading me and not just either not comitting or not telling me they don’t want to deal with me like that And stringing me along. But my CBT dr said the only thing that is gonna keep my mind off of this and wanting to over text them and push It far with others but I don’t know what other hobbies to do and it’s hard for me to accept I can do it alone and that I can enjoy alone and i can see the friends later on and chat with Them and they don’t dislike me over doing that and I have Aspergers so my ability for many interests is limited

Why is this emotionally bringing me down like this and I feel like I have to hear from my friend immediately bc of it? Or else I’m thinking there done with me and there gonna cut me off

As some of you know. I do have abondment issues and I have occasionally come and go strong worries of losing my friend now I’ve had for 2 years bc the friend I believe goes through depressive stages and tends to just shelter up and not use there phone and I always feel obligated for there depression and if they don’t feel better I blame myself because people in the past told me I won’t have any friends bc of how I am and get in conversation and being selfish to them and very uncaring and even tho I tried hard to work it out with them they just went onto blow me off and tell me how wrong I always was and now I’m worried the friend is like This because of me because they’ve had arguments with me before about being overbearing but then they worked it out but I’m wondering if they didn’t work it out and I’m the reason why like the old friends told me and they they told me all others would cut me off for the same reasons as them (lessening conversations, responding with less) to gradually cut me off and it’s destroying my daily life. I have to get my car inspection done, I don’t want to. I have to get a couple eBay items wrapped and shipped and I don’t want to bc of this

Now they blew yet another game late and I spiraled. Even saying that I won’t hurt myself but wouldn’t mind dying in my sleep. I was crying last night saying until they stop finding a way to keep blowing leads I won’t have any motivation to succeed in life and no purpose or reason to do so either

That’s a good aspect to look at, including handling me and my dads issues about this going forward, he’s getting older but he’s in good shape. So yes just stop bothering him sometimes with this and know doing this isn’t going to resolve anything and I’ll always get over the Mets losses and even if they continue to lose like this. Just get used to it, and accept the different ways they continue to blow games and lose and just be thankful for the support I do have and be better to them