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  1. I'm so fed up of this. I want to go through different scenarios in my head to work out how an item got into a particular place (basically a pair of goggles appeared under the bed on my side. Not strange in itself as we both go swimming but my partner is very tidy. He wouldn't have put them there and I didn't put them there). My worry scenario is: he had someone stay and they had goggles in their bag (eg they were going swimming the next day). She ended up leaving them behind next to the bed and they ended up getting swept under (which isn't unusual- half the things I leave on the floor end up getting swept under the bed). I really hope its ocd.
  2. Potentially. I mean we decided on this step together and I know I want to marry him, but the whole process can be overwhelming. I want to message my sister for reassurance but she will, understandably, be annoyed. And I can't confront my partner as he will be annoyed. I don't know what to do.
  3. It's getting worse. We ran out of condoms and now I'm convinced he used them with someone over the weekend as I was away. Normally they're in his bedside draw and I'm desperately trying to remember if they were there before I went away. The only thing makeing me think (hope?) its ocd is that there keeps being new worries. And I'm dealing with them in the same way I dealt with old obsessions. I just want to be able to enjoy our engagement but I feel like I'm falling apart.
  4. Oh I'm so sorry. I'm currently finding that I am super anxious during what should be a happy, celebratory time. Are there coping strategies that have worked for you in the past? Or are there things that could be making the anxiety worse (such as a lack of sleep?).
  5. Does anyone else find their OCD worsens when they're supposed to be happy? My partner and I recently got engaged and we are in that lovely phase of telling people. I'm so happy, but every few days my mind finds a way to convince me he is having an affair. I basically keep latching onto things (e.g. finding an unfamiliar but innocuous item in our room) and then running through possible scenarios. Another example is him encouraging me to go away on a pre planned trip last weekend (id just had covid so had been stuck indoors for a while) and I jokingly suggested it was so he could have a girl round (which he found funny/annoying). I won't list every example but it seems to be taking over my thoughts in a similar way to previous OCD themes. However, it's hard to know what to dismiss as OCD and what to take seriously.
  6. I think it's about recognising your own limits (in terms of your mental health). I'm never going to give up drinking, but I prioritise good wine over drinking for the sake of it. Similarly I try not to drink if my mental health is already feeling a bit delicate. And I think giving up drinking (in moderation) could be avoidance behaviour here.
  7. I'm sorry you're going through this. OCD will make your worries seem real, that's why it's so hard to deal with. You know this is OCD so you have to treat it as that. Stop going over things in your head. Go for a walk, treat yourself to a nice coffee and spend the rest of the day infront of netflix. Hope this feeling subsides soon.
  8. If I was to check why his story changed would that be reasonable or a compulsion? I do plan to contact my therapist but I am worried this isn't OCD and that I should feel suspicious. I mean I would assume someone having an affair would keep their story straight but what if he thought he could get away with me thinking they were on walks and then changed the story when I asked further questions?
  9. Thank you so much for responding. I'm starting to feel a bit better but still keep catching myself out (e.g. why did his story change? Why did he not answer in a more straightforward way? Why would this girl make up the walks?'). But equally I've had reassurance from two people and my sister has even offered to pay for my therapy (I won't take her up on this but it's so kind) which I suppose points to OCD.
  10. I'm sorry for posting again but I feel I'm getting contradictory advice- my sister tells me it's my anxiety whereas another friend says I have a right to be annoyed. My sister is encouraging me to go back to my therapist. I'm tempted to book an appointment even though it's so expensive (and feels so indulgent given I've been 'better' for so long.
  11. From what you have said, it very much does sound like you are feeling anxiety! I used to worry my anxiety wasn't the 'right kind'. I didn't have the physical symptoms that text books would talk about. I think the lesson here is that everyone is different and so we will experience OCD in different ways. One of the reasons I was reluctant to start medication was that I was worried I would no longer feel guilty for things I should feel guilty about. I spoke about this with my therapist and she managed to reason with me and I eventually started on sertraline. I've taken it for a couple of years now and it was probably the best thing I've ever done. Basically, I can empathise with your experience however it is OCD and you (like everyone else) deserves to live life without anxiety and guilt. OCD is just very sneaky and finds clever ways of undermining any progress you might have made. It will always look for loopholes ('but maybe it's not OCD' or 'maybe I deserve to feel this guilty') and that's why seeking support (if you haven't already) is so important.
  12. As you know, this is definitely OCD. Everyone approaches reading differently- some people will hear the words in their head, some people won't. Most people wouldn't give this a second thought. It's certainly not something to worry about (so what if you did read differently to other people?). I'd suggest facing your fear head on and reading a great book just to show your OCD that it can't win.
  13. Hello, Things have been good for a couple of years (I'm on medication) however recently I've become fixated on worries again. I posted on here recently about something. Once I had dealt with that worry (by confessing, which I know I shouldn't have) things felt better. I then got fixated on something else (also related to confessing), which I only stopped worrying about when I found messages on my old phone that confirmed I had already confessed about this particular thing. Anyway, I am now worried about something else. These worries have all been related to my relationship (it's worth pointing out that I am in a very happy, secure relationship, and I think part of the reason for these worries is because it would be so devastating if it ended). Long story short, I am obsessing over whether my partner could have had an affair with his friend. This all boils down to a comment she made about how supportive he was when she was going through a break up and that they went on walks together. At the time, it felt a little strange that I wasn't aware of this given we live together (and, given the past couple of years of semi lockdown, we've pretty much been living in each other's pockets!). I'm not at all worried about him going for walks/hanging out with his female friend, it was the fact that he hadn't mentioned it. I put it out of my mind, although it did later come up and I sought reassurance from my sister. It then came up again (a few days ago) and it really won't shift. My sister has been reassuring and supportive (she knows about my anxiety) but I just can't let it go. I haven't been able to focus on work and almost feel 'pre-emptively' heartbroken. I ended up raising it with him last night. I started by 'subtly' bringing up the conversation, trying to get a feel for when these walks may have happened. I mentioned something like 'she said you went on walks together' and he said 'that could have happened'. I then went onto tell him how my anxiety had been flaring up and that there were various things I was worried about. Ultimately I looked for reassurance about the walks (i.e. why he hadn't told me). He then said that he doesn't think the walks actually happened. I said this was a weird thing for her to make up and he responded with an understandably frustrated 'you can believe what you want to believe'. It's hard to convey this in writing but, for some context, my anxiety has previously caused issues in my relationship. I also understand why he would not fully engage in this conversation (given it is quite accusatory). Equally, my brain just won't let this go. It is sapping every source of joy from my life and I just can't see a way of it getting better.
  14. I don’t want to offer reassurance because I know that’s not helpful in the long term but, from an outside perspective, I can tell you it’s definitely ocd (I.e. not something you should be worrying about). I am just so sorry you’re dealing with this- it’s rubbish and you should be kind to yourself. Self care is an overused phrase but please do something nice for yourself!
  15. Hello, I tend to post sporadically as, on the whole, my ocd is under control (thank you sertraline!) however every so often I get something in my head and find it impossible to move past. I have been with my partner for several years, we live together and very much see a future with each other. Years ago, I was on a night out with friends and drank too much. I was talking to the dj and I remember him being surprised to hear I had a boyfriend (the implication being that I was being flirty/acting as if I was single). Anyway, my memory isn’t the best but I do remember telling my friend I kissed the guy (don’t remember the actual kiss/possibly blocked it out). I also sent my boyfriend a cryptic/indecipherable message about kissing. Anyway, the next day I told my boyfriend to ignore the message as I was drunk and didn’t know what I was talking about. However, I later told him that I don’t fully recall the night and there’s a chance I could have kissed someone. This is years ago, all forgiven and forgotten. Anyway, my problem is that I am now questioning whether I did confess or not. I often ‘remember’ things that other people don’t so whose to say I’m not just making things up? Also, I thought I had told my sister about it but she is saying she can’t remember me doing so. Obviously this doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, but I feel like the balance of probability is against me here! I don’t know what to do and really can’t concentrate on anything else. I want to talk to my boyfriend but this feels cruel- whether he remember me telling him or not, it will just be upsetting to hear. On the other hand, I feel so guilty and always want to be honest. If I genuinely haven’t told him, then I would want to. I guess my question is whether or not to believe my memory of telling him years ago or not. I’m genuinely worried that I have made up this memory of confessing to alleviate my guilt.
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