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Ink

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  1. Ink

    Christmas day

    Thank you. I'm struggling at the moment and I think I will be alone tomorrow. I have been working on my contamination fears but I don't think I can cope with the turkey my family have bought. I hardly go out anyway. I have been battling low mood and sleep problems as well. I think it is probably better for me to admit defeat this occasion.
  2. I don't get a feeling that any particular bad thing might happen, it's more of a sense that something isn't right when there is a certain number combination. So I don't particularly like to challenge it and have that 'wrong' feeling, but it's no-where near as bad as my other OCDs (contamination and harm) which cause severe anxiety and panic.
  3. I'd be interested to know if this is an OCD thing or a general quirk of mine... If I check the time because I'm about to go out or something I wait until the numbers feel right. There are a variety of possibilities and I sometimes bring in multiplication and other ways to reduce the time I wait. Usually it's just a couple of minutes. I think it's an obsession with things being even or adding up maybe. Does anyone else experience this?
  4. I'm being assessed alongside the bipolar. I'm struggling with that too! Depression since January with a brief spell of hypomania when I started the antidepressant in September. I haven't felt 'normal' for a while!
  5. Update. I had an assessment with a therapist for over an hour and she said it sounded like OCD so I have been put on the waiting list for CBT with some ERP included. In the meantime I hope I get an official re-diagnosis of OCD as I think it would help other medical staff understand.
  6. Hi Bodger, thanks for the reply. Bipolar is the only diagnosis on my file as an adult and I don't think hospital staff had all my psychiatric history. The last time I saw the psychiatrist they discussed OCD meds and I'm currently on fluvoxamine. I took quetiapine (prescribed for prn) when I got back home and slept for 12 hours. Since then I've been low but anxious and very much so when I reflect back to the events. Almost like flashbacks. I decided myself it was OCD and since then I have been OK around the knife. Almost like telling myself to get a grip and carry on. I'm really not used to intrusive thoughts like this, I think I drove myself to dissociation with the sheer terror! p.s ... a GP I saw last Thursday at the start of the episode didn't think it was OCD. The knife didn't even feature at that point but her reasoning was that there was no compulsion. I personally felt that avoidance was a compulsion.
  7. I won't go into the long story of what I've been going through over the last few days but I am sure I have been experiencing self-harm OCD. After speaking to out of hours nurses and doctors over the weekend, only 1 recognised it as OCD intrusive thoughts, the others didn't know what was going on with me. I ended up in A&E staying in Majors for hours as 'high risk' with "periods of dissociation". I do have bipolar disorder and currently feeling low and I did actually give in to the urge and held a knife to my neck (although I was heavily sedated on lorazepam and I think I was actually trying to prove I had control) so I can understand it's difficult to know what it might be. The reason I think OCD: The thoughts and urges were unwanted and they caused crippling panic immediately afterwards. The more I examined them the worse it got (obsessions). I stayed away from danger and kept seeking reassurance I was not actually wanting to self harm (the compulsions). I had a diagnosis of OCD as a child so it's not like obsessions and compulsions are a completely new thing to me (usually contamination though). I have never self harmed and am actually quite squeamish! Obviously only a psychiatrist can diagnose (didn't see one over weekend, waiting for referral) but does this sound like harm OCD, and is it common for it to not be recognised? Thanks for any thoughts
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