I won't go into the long story of what I've been going through over the last few days but I am sure I have been experiencing self-harm OCD.
After speaking to out of hours nurses and doctors over the weekend, only 1 recognised it as OCD intrusive thoughts, the others didn't know what was going on with me. I ended up in A&E staying in Majors for hours as 'high risk' with "periods of dissociation". I do have bipolar disorder and currently feeling low and I did actually give in to the urge and held a knife to my neck (although I was heavily sedated on lorazepam and I think I was actually trying to prove I had control) so I can understand it's difficult to know what it might be.
The reason I think OCD: The thoughts and urges were unwanted and they caused crippling panic immediately afterwards. The more I examined them the worse it got (obsessions). I stayed away from danger and kept seeking reassurance I was not actually wanting to self harm (the compulsions). I had a diagnosis of OCD as a child so it's not like obsessions and compulsions are a completely new thing to me (usually contamination though). I have never self harmed and am actually quite squeamish!
Obviously only a psychiatrist can diagnose (didn't see one over weekend, waiting for referral) but does this sound like harm OCD, and is it common for it to not be recognised?
Thanks for any thoughts