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freya196

Bulletin Board User
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About freya196

  • Birthday 23/11/2000

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    HOCD

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Lancashire

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  1. I'd say since the beginning of december I'd been doing great, my OCD was on the back burner, it was still there but not affecting me in the way it normally did. I went to the doctors, I got some medication and I'd not felt so good in a long time. I knew it couldn't last though and it didn't. I was triggered out of the blue by a random woman yesterday and i've spiralled since then. Now every female is a trigger again, i've lost my attraction for men again and the cycle continues. To be honest I only have myself to blame since I fell for the oldest trick in the book, I came off my medication because I felt better. Now I don't know what to do. I feel like this time it's different, that my OCD isn't OCD and i'm just in denial. I hate this so much, I have really important exams in TWO MONTHS. I could do without this! Anyone any ideas on what to do?
  2. i could sit here and write for hours about how suicidal i am and plead for people to be my friend but what's the point. I've tried to be friends with so many people who genuinely couldn't care less no matter how hard i try. My heart breaks when i see friendships i don't have because i am so bloody lonely. I have never felt so isolated and depressed. I wish the friends i was close with would tell me why they don't talk to me as they did before or why i have to insinuate a conversation every single time. I haven't faced them outright and asked them what is going on why do i feel this way, i fear it's all in my head. I don't know what's worse. I just don't know what to do?
  3. Hi everyone! Its been a while since i've been on here, i've been doing well. I was prescribed sertraline 50mg about 4 weeks ago and i've been so much more calm, the thoughts have been kept at bay. My doctor has recommended i stay on them for a long time, combined with therapy to really nip OCD in the bud. I was going through a good period just before my doctors appointment but I'd booked it when i was at my lowest! I still went anyway because i know a good period won't last forever. Just curious if anyone 'dipped' after a while on sertraline?? Or if they stopped they were back to square one? Thanks!
  4. Hi all, The appointment was very successful all in all! My doctor was so lovely and very understanding, she prescribed me a low dose of sertraline and wants to see me before i finish this first course to begin with. She's given me a number to call to refer myself to the 'Minds Matter' therapy in my county. I cried throughout the whole thing but I've finally taken the first step to recovery!
  5. So tomorrow I'm finally going to the doctors about my mental health! This is a huge step I never thought i'd be able to reach. 2018 has been an awful year, my mental health has deteriorated and I've suffered for so long. My birthday (23rd november) was terrible. I've never had such a bad birthday because of my mental health but around a week later I started experiencing the best period i've been through. I've not felt so good in a long time, I'm not 100% why i'm going through a good period but all good things must come to an end. Even though i'm feeling good, it won't last and i'll be back at square one again. In all honesty i'm terrified of going. I'm scared i'll be rejected but I can't go in with that mentality. Any pointers on how much depth i need to go into? I know i seem to ask this question quite often but I need some more last minute reassurance!
  6. Thank you for all your happy birthdays and responses. It was a good birthday if I ignore my stupid anxiety. Its 2:41am, In being a barrister at mock trial in court tomorrow at 9am. I am very overwhelmed. I feel very sick but i'm not sure if i'm feeling sick from mixing baileys and prosecco. I might ask my teachers for some deadline extensions and get my **** to the doctors as i can no longer live like this. I love my mum to pieces, I do forgive her it's quite clear she's scared. My sister was anorexic and tried to commit suicide, she always says she couldn't live without me and I really believe it's true. I'm trying to drink water and stay calm, I've probably taken on too much work. I think all my emotions have been piling up and hit me at once. All the work and my OCD/possible depression makes for a scary and overwhelming combination.
  7. A few months ago i worked up the courage to tell my mum i thought i have OCD. She responded by calling me 'ridiculous' and didn't speak to me until I bawled my eyes out in the car on the way to work to my dad. My dad was very sympathetic and felt terrible. I think about this situation a lot. I almost hold a grudge against my mum, does this make me a terrible person? I didn't want her to feel sorry for me I just wanted her to stand by me. I have a friend who has OCD and bipolar amongst other things. I talk about my OCD with her but i'm so scared of going to the doctors due to her experience with therapy not really working. I want to be fixed. I'm very stressed at the moment. I have my referral appointment next week for a lump on my breast and I have an important exam to get into uni, as well as a coursework deadline, working extra hours and my skin (acne) is bad. Can someone please give me some advice? I'm going through another rough spell
  8. Hi all, I've been to my appointment today and it was super scary especially having themes surrounding my health/health of family and HOCD!! But i got through it and my doctor is pretty sure it's not cancer, there's no lump or symptoms that correlate properly with typical cancer symptoms but i'm being sent for an ultrasound anyway. Thanks for having such a supportive thread!
  9. I'm going to the doctors tuesday morning to get checked about my possible lump on my breast and THEN i will book an appointment for the doctors there and then. I find it's time for me to get some help! I'm in a massive fear spiral right now, I think about a relationship I used to desire and I feel nothing but fear? The idea of sexual love brings me panic. I believe I'm scared if i'm not attracted to someone my friends might think is attractive i'm gay. There's a new boy at our work, he's quite attractive but now everytime I look at him i'm crippled with anxiety. I only work weekends but the feeling of heightened anxiety after every weekend is too much for me to bare. I know this post is sort of a collect of thoughts and statements, but my main question, is this panic i feel when i look at the opposite sex (the sex i desire i romantic and sexual relationship with) a product of my ocd?
  10. Hi BelAnna, Im 17 and I'm going through the same as you. I've booked a drs appointment for next week but safe to say i'm absolutely petrified it's going to be cancer in my right bust. There's other factors from my ocd about going to the doctors too especially if they have to perform a breast exam. Hope everything is going ok with you
  11. It's been a while. I can't say i've been doing well at all, in fact i'm quite the opposite. I'm constantly surrounded by talk of relationships and sex and i know my OCD is at its worst currently. I know if i get better my attraction will return but i'm plagued by the fear i'll be a virgin forever, i'll never get a boyfriend and ocd will never leave me alone. I get panicked when my friends get boyfriends and are no longer virgins, I can't say a boy is attractive anymore because i feel nothing. My groinal response is awful and i'm checking all the time!!! I injured my shoulder about 2 weeks ago and my right breast has been hurting ever since, now the lymph node in my armpit has swollen and i've not been this anxious in a long time. i've booked a doctors appointment for next week but i'm freaking out. Can I ever get better? Will a doctor believe me? I'm so scared and i've had it with this stupid disorder.
  12. Thank you so much for your help! Your words of encouragement actually made me cry, i've been in a low place and I'd lost the voice that tells me to keep going. I'm so thankful of your help, I needed it and I just need to go into my doctors surgery tomorrow and book an appointment. My mum has reacted terribly to me confessing that I think i have ocd/depression. She punished me for it! Thankfully my dad was lovely and supportive, especially when i cried my eyes out to him on the way to work about my mental health and her behaviour! I hope I can be happier soon x
  13. Hey everyone, For the past couple of weeks i have never felt worse about my mental health. I have lost all my confidence, my self esteem no longer exists and i'm in a terrible mood constantly as well as feeling anxious all the time. I've written out my symptoms on a piece of paper to give to my doctor, can I do this? Do I have to go into detail? I've had enough of feeling so down and anxious, i'm so scared i'll do something i regret. Does anyone have any tips on going to the doctor e.g. what do I say, when I book an appointment do I have to say what it's for? Im so terrified of going and scared i'll be shutdown and rejected but I am desperate and it's about time!
  14. Hi all, I don't know what to do anymore. Is it possible to lose attraction to the opposite sex with OCD (is this ocd? uh so many questions!) ?? I've gone from boy crazy to struggling to find any attraction and i'm not sure what's wrong with me. Is this normal, will it subside if i get help? Im desperate for help but i'm so terrified. Anyone have any tips on what to do when I get to the doctors.
  15. Ever since this older man asked me if i was single at work, i've been freaking out ever since. I was worried not liking him made me gay and now i'm panicking I feel as if i'm being forced to like him by my colleagues and OCD! My ocd is fixating on the fact i've never been in a relationship or had sex yet and it's makes me panic when my friends start "speaking" to boys. I'm just so panicked all the time that I'm struggling to sleep. I have my A levels this year I could really do without this but i'm scared to go to a doctor. I also have a nintendo switch which I feel like i can't play as it's not feminine to play video games, i'm trying to push through this as it cost me a lot of money.
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