Headwreck

Hi. Sorry for posting but don't know where to turn. I've been on SSRIs since October 2019. I stopped thinking about stuff so much and occupied myself with work. The past few weeks I have started feeling extremely depressed and I have started feeling very anxious again with that shortness of breath returning. I am also starting to ruminate about the cheating again. I think I might have kissed this man but why would he say the next day that he felt like kissing me? Etc. I have not changed my dose in medication and I am not doing anything differently to the past few months. I do have an extremely stressful situation at home right now which is causing me a lot of worry so could this have triggered me off? I also feel extremely trapped. I don't know.

But it's as though everything I worry about I put down to OCD just because I'm worrying about it more than usual. Surely this is not right and it all can't be OCD all the time? The thing is, it seems like I worry about one thing and then something else starts worrying me so I don't really care about the previous worry until it pops up again and the cycle continues. I don't know if this is typical or if others are able to relate but it's happening on a daily basis now and I'm feeling overwhelmed as I feel as though there are so many unresolved issues/worries constantly doing the rounds in my head.

Thanks for the responses. I know it's just going around in circles. I don't understand though because I have done something horrible and a non OCD person would feel guilty about it too wouldn't they? It's like my relationship has all of these black marks on it and if I don't say anything about them then they won't go. It feels like it's messy. The medication seems to be helping a bit but I'm finding new things to worry about daily now and my checking has got worse too, mostly in work.

It was about 4 or 5 years ago, I met a male at a party and was flirty with him and told my friend I thought the male was attractive etc but I can't remember if I told the male that. At the time I thought my partner was cheating on me so I stupidly thought that doing these things would make me feel better and even it out. Anyway the next day after the party the male added me on social media and we exchanged messages a few times. I can't remember what the messages were and I'm scared that they were very flirty. I used to think that they were not flirty before now but the past day or two I think they were excessively flirty ie me saying I found him attractive etc or maybe I said it to his face at the party but I'm not sure if this happened. I am a disgusting person and I know you all will think this and have no sympathy for me, I know I don't deserve any. I've already almost told my partner about this event as I have started panicking about it excessively. I'm scared to tell him but I feel it's the only way to level it out and he deserves to know. I don't know if this is the kind of thing that people admit to or not. I am a disgusting person and don't deserve to be in a relationship with anybody. I feel like I am worse than a murderer or criminal. I am a terrible person for doing these things. I was in an extremely distressed state for a number of years entirely convinced that he cheated and was doing things I'd never dream of doing now. I don't even know how I could obsess for so long about it. My life feels like it's falling apart. I feel as though I'm getting over the other obsession regarding the night out that I've had for two years but now seem to be finding new things. I've been on Sertraline for almost three weeks now and still suffering with anxiety.

I am on day 10 of 50mg Sertraline. Before taking the medication I was very tearful all the time but during the 10 days I've not really been able to cry. Emotion feels quite flat, not happy or sad, just 'there', feel like I am just waiting for each day to end although thankful I'm not in tears every day anymore. Anxiety is still there most times but I guess it's early days yet. Also I was on Sertraline a while back and experienced the same. I came off them and all symptoms went away after a week or two, including emotionless response to things.

Thanks @Closed for repairs I was on Fluoxetine previously but found the side effects too much. Was just hoping that the Sertraline would do something for the social anxiety as well as the anxiety and OCD, it is something that really gets me down a lot. Feel very lonely and isolated.

Hi all. Sorry to comment on an old thread but didn't want to start a new one with one already being around. I have been on 50g Sertraline for one week straight. I have been extremely tired, suffering with nausea, increase in anxiety, stomach issues, twitchy muscles etc but trying to plough through it in the hopes that I feel an improvement. Has anyone got any success stories? Also I suffer very badly from social anxiety and heard that this medication is brilliant at treating it. Does anyone else suffer with social anxiety? How did medication affect it? Thanks.

Thank you Equinoxygen. I'll be honest I've had maybe the worst day I've had yet in work. Wanted to come home. Didn't want to be home either. Suicidal thoughts. Constant putting myself down. Almost telling my boss I quit. Blushing and stuttering, can't get my words out when people talk to me. Mind is blank when people talk to me. Can't be bothered to reply when people speak to me, just want convo to end. These are all things I always have permanently but today it all feels intensified. I hope this is just the Sertraline and not my new level of low as can't go much lower. I also think I see people smirking at one another when they have to work with me. I think I'm starting to get a reputation of being a weirdo, quiet and boring. I don't think I can do all of this for much longer. Sorry I understand this may not be OCD related.

Thank you for the responses. I have been trying to believe it is OCD over the past few days. It's difficult. Have also been trying not to ruminate but I'm finding new things to worry about all the time and it's hard to say that they are overblown because of OCD as they are new and not been considered before. I have been on and off my medication over the past few weeks because the side effects were causing disruption in work so have only taken it once or twice. I've took it for the past three days consecutively and I am feeling very anxious and depressed. I understand this is a side effect but is it normal for it to be that fast? I couldn't sleep all night and this morning I have got out of bed wanting to quit my job. I can't because of issues at home. I don't know if the medication is causing me to feel like this.

Yes correct although even then it was still a worry but just not as severe at the time. This is what I do not understand. I don't think it sounds like or has many characteristics of OCD aside from the obsessional aspect of it but this is also a trait of depression and GAD. Maybe on that basis, it probably isn't OCD, especially when I look at other people's posts and see how much they are suffering through no fault of their own and I'm crying over things I've caused myself. I'm lost, and have no more fight left. No matter how I try to approach it, it doesn't seem to change anything. Drs will just say I'm depressed, as there isn't much else it can be. Work isn't even a distraction anymore when it should be. I go to work wanting to be at home, then I'm at home and I'm wanting to be in work. I don't deserve to be anywhere.

Thank you Dksea. I have looked into that approach a number of times but just doesn't seem to fit with my problem. I also get confused by the revalue stage, I just start questioning if I should be thinking about it again and so it starts again. I have woken up today in a terrible state anxiety wise. I'm on the verge of tears and I have to go to work shortly but having to physically stop myself from confessing to my partner. I don't know if I have done this or not, I can't remember if I used to know or not either. I think I have a memory of doing it but if that's the case then why don't I feel like I knew about this before? I feel I would have confessed this the next day if I knew I had done it or there was any risk of me doing it. I must also note that there have been other nights out where I've worried about for a while and now I don't think twice. This one just won't leave me alone. I remember confessing to my partner about text messages between me and this male but I was adamant that nothing happened on the night out. Was I lying at that point? Or had I not realised that something had happened? Why wouldn't I mention it then? I no longer show my partner affection, don't talk to him, I basically treat him like dirt because I feel like a fraud if I do anything different. His life is miserable. This worry is in my head constantly and I cannot do it anymore. I fear the only way it will stop is when it's run its own course and I start to obsess about something new, exactly like what happened previously. This could take years as it did last time. Based on previous, I have another two years of this before it changes. Also. I feel I have overstayed my welcome here. All I do is come here and say the same **** and expect people to waste their time responding, just for the cycle to continue. To be honest, I am tired of it all and I know you all are too. I don't really know where this leaves me. Medication is not working. I am not functioning in life because of a single mistake made 4 years ago. I have no friends or family. I make my partners Life hell and treat him like dirt whilst leaning on him for support because I'm a selfish piece of garbage. Life is not worthwhile and all that's on the horizon is more of the same. What is the point.

I'm sorry that I am boring and repetitive, I do honestly appreciate the time people have given me here and I am thankful for the advice even if it seems as though I am not. I am honestly trying to be proactive and approach this all in the best possible way but I feel as though it's pointless and that I'm drowning.

Again have had another bad week. Work is causing me severe anxiety. I think I am out of my depth and unable to do the job even though supervision and other colleagues say I can but I feel like they are lying or unable to see how incompatible I am because I can hide it well. I feel I have to quit. I don't know if this is an OCD thing or just a general concern that anyone would have, it's hard to know what is a normal worry and what isn't. Also I am finding I have numerous worries now cycling each day more than they ever have. I am getting stuck on worries daily, mainly about things I have said or done in the past. I brought one up to my partner the other day and he now says he refuses to discuss as he said that I get stuck on one thing for a few weeks and then move onto something else, then something else, then something else. He says he is used to this behaviour from me now as he has seen it for years from me and is not going to talk about things with me anymore as talking about them is making them real when they are not - as far as he is concerned at least. So where does that leave me. I have sat down trying to make a list of compulsions. A lot of the time I only feel as though I need to speak about my worries and then obviously rumination, there doesn't seem to be any other compulsions so I often wonder if it is only generalised anxiety disorder rather than OCD as rumination is also a part of GAD. Cheating worry is always in the back of my mind but I am cycling between other worries based on things I have done or said in recent years. I have also become acutely anxious about what I say and how I say things, my body language etc. There does not seem to be an end to any of this. I am on the verge of tears constantly and feel like I have given up. I have another doctors appt in the next few days. I am hoping they can give me something for the anxiety. Is there anything they can give other than SSRI? They are just not cutting it for me.

I honestly believe that the reason why I am struggling to overcome everything is because I have nothing outside of these worries. My life is my worries and anxiety. I have nothing to look forward to, no friends to spend time with, family are not interested. I have no money to spend on nice things or to do nice things with. When life is so insular and you are literally living one day to the next just to work whilst you're living hell in your head, there isn't a lot to be positive for or turn your mind to. I never thought I would end up like this.

Thanks Malina. Help is needed, although not happy with how it's came about. Outside of that I have nobody to turn to so feel like I'm crumbling. The numbness has gone and worry has returned. Want to confess to my partner but trying not to. It seems as though whatever I do I'm stuck in a living hell. Trying to take my mind off but nothing is helping. Also dreading work tomorrow as do not think I'm fit for the job and my confidence is as low as can be. I think I should quit my job and separate from my partner as I feel this would solve my concerns. At the moment everything feels wrong, very wrong. I desperately need to correct it. Will keep trying to take my mind off but nothing is cutting it right now.