Jobey

Hiya, Im sorry to hear you are struggling, I don't have OCD but my son has intrusive thoughts and his flared up big time while he was on holiday with his family a couple of months ago, he's never been officially diagnosed until now but we can see this has been going on for years. He can see the pattern of down time like holidays causing his anxiety to spike and he feels it's because his brain is idle and it gives it time to take over. he needs to keep busy and always have a plan. Hes described feeling exactly as you do right now and we've all as a family had to learn pretty quickly the right way to help him. He is doing well and after spending spells at home wth us he Is now back with his wife and daughter and with the help of medication, a great CBT therapist and us supporting him he really is getting there but we know this is a life long process and you can't afford to get complacent. You don't need me to tell you that you just have to let it be, it's just a thought, not your thought just a random one that has nothing to do with you , I understand if you think what does she know she has no idea but it's all we've lived and breathed for the past few months and as a problem solver Ive had to gain as much knowledge as possible to be able to cope and help him in the right way. We support but we don't play games with OCD and we don't reassure no matter how anxious he feels, he found this hard to begin with but now with a clearer mind he's getting it and sees how much it's helped him. Do you mind me asking if you are on any medication and or still see a therapist? I can see how invaluable this has been and the positive effect it has had on my son in just a few short weeks, just someone to say you are not mad , your not evil you are ill and you need treatment just the same as if you had broken your arm, you wouldn't struggle on without getting that sorted so why should you with OCD. I really hope you can get yourself some help now and get back on top of it ??

Lovely to see a positive story, my son is also getting the better of his OCD and seeing the evil disease for what it is, a bully and a liar and it has no business trying to ruin his life! So good to hear you are enjoying life again with your new little family ?

HI Snooker Table, I'm sorry you are also a sufferer but good to hear you are doing well! My son is now on medication and it's really helping, he's doing good and taking things a step at a time but on the right track now thankfully ?

No we don't give him reassurance it's the one thing I learned quickly and have been adamant about not doing, he totally understands and is doing great , spending lots of time with his family, having therapy and getting to grips with his thoughts and how how to ignore them, he's got a way to go of course but is focused on working hard along with support from us all , I know it's an uphill climb but for today things are good so I will take that!

That's what I'm learning about this forum, you don't stand for people playing out their compulsions, it's what we tell him all the time and it makes me feel so much better knowing it's absolutely the right thing to do. I will speak to him about joining. Im really well thank you and I hope your mum is too, it's a tough old road but we get through as I know we will do with this, I found a forum invaluable during my treatment which is why I was quick to join here , nothing beats talking to those who really understand. We are a close family and are supporting our daughter in law and helping with our granddaughter, she gives us all so much joy and is a real comfort , daddy will do this for her if nothing else of that I have no doubt! Lovely to hear you are doing well ? Xx Jo

Thank you for your reply it really means a lot to hear these things, I'm going to show him later as it reinforces everything we keep trying to tell him and coming from those who truly know what is happening to him right now will push the point home a little harder I hope. His wife is really trying god love her but with an 8 month old and having just got back to work it's taking it's toll, I try not to keep saying he doesn't mean it as it sounds like I'm jumping to his defence if you know what I mean, but we do say it's not him it's OCD and she knows by his turmoil that he's not at ease with these thoughts and they are not coming from him. It's such a vile evil illness and as a cancer Survivor I know how cruel life can be but the depths of this has floored us. He's got his fighting head on again today and has opened up on Facebook about how he is going to beat this bully, it's something he felt ashamed to share but he has so much support I'm heartened by it. Thank you again

This is so hard to deal with, My son has been making a real effort to spend time with his wife and re connect but then he slips back and feels compelled to tell her everything he is thinking which is centred around his lack of emotions towards her and now I feel like we are back at square one as she's distraught again just as she felt he was getting somewhere. I know this is all really early days and maybe we are going about it all the wrong way but there is so much at stake with their little daughter in the middle that we are trying to help him plough through his thoughts and not obsess over if what he's feeling is real or not. Everything ive read about OCD is to not play along and not to indulge his thoughts , are we doing the right thing? I keep telling him it's not him it's OCD but he's beginning to doubt that and says well what if I just don't love her anymore ? I'm trying to keep my emotions in check but that is so hard to hear him say and she doesn't deserve any of this, they were so happy I'm struggling to make sense of how everything seems to have gone so wrong! Hes staying with us at the minute and we are having his little daughter as much as we can but it means we've no rest from it and I don't mean to sound selfish but I won't allow him to drag us all down, I keep telling him it's done enough damage and I can't have it in the house , Hes trying so hard to find the feelings he badly wants to have again but he can't destroy the rest of us in the process, is that wrong of me to think that? He just starting his third week of sertraline and starts Private CBT on Friday , he's also having regular chats with the crisis team at the hospital so I don't know what else we can do for him, he's coping and working , going out etc he just struggles to go home and be around his family as it's increases his anxiety , it seems to stem from there. Its all just so sad and pointless and I wish I could fix it for them.

Thank You so much Gemma, we are really trying hard to learn as much as we can as a family while continually reassuring him these are not his thoughts. It's such a nasty illness and has shocked me to the core to see what some people have been dealing with. I will make sure I get that book for him. He is beginning to understand that its not his thought process and its OCD causing it and seeking help and knowing people are supporting him is a huge comfort to him. I will show him your reply later and encourage him to join up himself. Thank You again Jo ?

Hi all, This is my first time posting here and I could really do with some help and advice in supporting my son who is really suffering. He has always been a little obsessive and we've spoken before about his thoughts but he was able to see them for what they were but these past few weeks he's had a break down about them, he's married with an 8 month old baby so it's incredibly heartbreaking to see. He is traumatised by what he feels he's thinking about his wife especially, she had been amazing and got him straight to hospital and he's now on medication and is having regular contact by the crisis team while he awaits the start of CBT therapy . He has come back home for now and sees his family regularly but it's too much for him to be there full time at the minute as he's told his wife everything that goes through his mind and although she knows it's not really his words it has broken her to hear them, she has to have a bit of distance from it all to be able to cope. We fully support this and are all doing everything we can to help keep everyone going but it's just so so heartbreaking and I'm trying so hard to hold them up while my husband holds me, we are a strong united family but this is so distressing. thank you for listening Jo