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fearandloathing

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  1. Thanks for this advice Taurean, it is much appreciated that you've taken the time to look at this. I've started getting back into reading a lot recently, it is helping me distract myself in a way that I don't feel as though I'm trying to numb myself. I'll speak to a doctor as soon as possible my only fear is medication which for me is completely out of the question, if I manage to break this I want it to be off of my own doing as I've had friends who have taken sertraline which has numbed their emotional capacity from what they tell me and from what I've seen. Could you offer me anymore insight on where CBT would begin for me, as I feel like my whole life revolves in many aspects around my obsessions and compulsions? Thanks again.
  2. A bit of background: My mum has OCD with intrusive thoughts and I appear to exhibit all the obsessions and compulsions of OCD. Doubt, guilt and ruminations and I scratch compulsively to relieve those feelings and distract myself from my thoughts which often results in my hands and feet bleeding when I finish. For as long as I can remember I have suffered from at least one form of fear based obsession, when I was younger (around 12 (21 as of now)) I believed police were coming to arrest me for pirating films, this paranoia got so bad that I believed any police car or helicopter I saw was for me. More recently (a year ago) I deleted all social media as I believe (still do) that it is a tool for brainwashing to some extent and merely for creating good consumers. I also feel uncomfortable when watching television because of adverts so I avoid television too. In theory these are probably good things to ditch but I'm still absolutely just as miserable and paranoid as I was because I'm still completely stuck in my head all day long. I'm worried my thoughts and ruminations are going to ruin my relationship if I don't do something fast. I recently fell in love with a beautiful girl. Since we've been together however, I can feel my OCD creeping into the relationship as I am terrified I will lose her. She is currently travelling with her friend who is not currently very fond of me. This friend had said to both me and my girlfriend, strange things that I have since been unable to get out of my head. Now that they are both away traveling I fear something will go wrong/has gone wrong as my girlfriend hasn't replied for a while. When she does reply it offers me peace of mind momentarily but when she stops I'm constantly stuck in thought loops that carry out a thousand different scenarios vividly in my head. Part of me worries that while she is away she will decide she doesn't want to be with me, I know this idea isn't based on fact but I still can't shake it, and the second I shake one thought I'm pulled into the next immediately trying to remember conversations for hidden meaning. The thing is, I really wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to be with me as I irritate myself so I can't imagine what it's like for her. I'm struggling to do anything at all that involves being around people as this current state of anxiety paralyses me socially. Yesterday I managed to read pretty much a whole book which would have been great if I didn't have to stop reading every few pages when a thought would pop into my head. I see my girlfriend in 9 days as of now but I'm anxious to as her friend will be there too and she as made it very clear she doesn't like me. I'm worried this friend will get in her head but then I worry that I get in her head too making me just as bad. I worry my girlfriend will get lost or raped, or drugged or taken advantage of in general and I dont trust said friend to keep her safe after she had said that she wishes my girlfriend was single for traveling so they could both sleep around. This is tearing me apart at the seams. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but right now I feel isolated with my thoughts which have tormented me since she left the country. I'm looking to reduce the potential impact OCD could have or is having on my relationship if I can't get it under control.
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