goldigurly

Thank you Orwell. I appreciate that, and felt that some others may have over-analysed the message I was putting across. For the record, what I have personally experienced is very similar to what you outlined in a previous message: i.e. OCD harm thoughts towards family members, babies etc. but also the capability of having harmful thoughts towards other people who have hurt you, which don't cause you the same anxiety (and, I would argue, are more 'adaptive' in that people who don't have OCD also experience such thoughts). It seems the difference between these thoughts and OCD thoughts is their stickiness. For me, harm thoughts towards my mum or babies are far more 'charged' than those towards my nasty neighbours or people who have bullied me. While there is no intention to act on any of the thoughts, the harm thoughts towards my mum and children are so ego-dystonic that I end up ruminating about them more, questioning why they are appearing (when actually, their repeated appearance is due to this questioning/ rumination). Harm thoughts about people who I care less about or who have hurt me don't bother me at all and don't appear nearly as frequently as a result. The mind is a fully old tool. I guess this might indicate that we should approach harm thoughts towards even those we love or want to protect with the same kind of indifference. Easier said than done. But yes, you're certainly not alone in the forms your OCD has taken xx

Wow...Ok, my intention was to make people who feel they are 'bad' about themselves because of the thoughts that they are suffering from realise that in fact, people who suffer from OCD tend to be generally well-intentioned and conscientious (at no point did I suggest 100% of sufferers are this way. There are outliers with everything). Clearly I was wrong in my efforts to alleviate some of the discomfort of such an all-consuming mental affliction.

I beg to differ. The typical criminal/ person with criminal intent would be less likely to have a conscience and less inclined to experience anxiety. OCD targets those who are overly conscientious and caring. Obviously it's not black and white, but the individuals on this forum are overly concerned about doing the 'right' thing.

I wanted to share this with you, as it is one of the thoughts I've had that is truly worth believing. OCD is not an illness that afflicts criminals, psychopaths, people who have ill-intent towards others. OCD affects people who are conscientious, sensitive, highly empathetic and loving. My understanding of the OCD bully is that it seems to be most successful in people who are vulnerable. Perhaps this vulnerability is in their own experience of trauma. Perhaps it's a tendency to put others first or feel responsible for others, to the detriment of fully looking after or appreciating themselves. Perhaps it's people who haven't been fully loved or validated by their parents, whose self-concept is shrouded by doubt. No matter what it may be, OCD attacks good people. To feel such distress at the possibility of harming others is not something you would feel if you were capable of this harm. However, that's not to say that it is the OCD bully itself that is preventing you from such acts. Remove the OCD bully, and you are still you, but without the needless torment and doubt it causes. So...know yourself. Know you are kind, caring, sensitive and conscientious. You are not what your mind bullies you into believing ?

Hi njb, Thank you for your kind words, they're so reassuring. I came back on here because I am experiencing another bout of this awful illness and doubting myself, who I am etc. It feels like these thoughts are tormenting me and peace of mind is incomprehensible, especially in lockdown when I'm on my own. Wondered if anyone had any recommendations as to how I can tackle this? OCD is such a bully and I feel completely at its mercy sometimes. I just want peace xx

Hi all, I have suffered from OCD (what I guess some might call Pure O) for over 10 years. It seemed to take a backseat for a while, but in the last 6 months has reappeared and causing me a lot of distress. This was following a difficult couple of years when my dad passed away, I broke up with my boyfriend and I moved from London to Scotland to be closer to my mum. Despite the fact life has massively calmed down, it feels like the mind is always tormenting me and it's incredibly painful. I don't know what to do, hence I thought I'd revisit the forums that I have found so valuable before. Last July the thought 'I am a paedophile' came into my head. Of course, in reality there is absolutely no basis for this thought, but OCD torments with the things that are most abhorrent, of which paedophilia is one. Then the thought took the form of 'what if I were to blurt out I am a paedophile to someone?' most specifically my mother, who I am close to. What if she believed me? What if she rejected me? What if I was isolated and rejected by society etc etc. It is incessant, painful and I struggle to be in my mum's company at times because this is going on in the background and very difficult to ignore. At times, it feels like the words are in my mouth, about to be blurted out, and I have a headache just trying to contain them. It is overwhelmingly depressing and I don't deserve this. I feel I am being constantly punished for being a kind, overly conscientious person and it's really getting me down. My self-esteem is incredibly low, I can't see a child on TV or real life without the thoughts being provoked and it's overwhelming. My mind makes out I am the worst possible individual whereas the reality is that I'm quite the opposite. Please help me x