Exhausted23

No I haven’t but thank you I’ll check it out now

Hi all, it’s been a while since I’ve last come on here. I’ve been having CBT for the past 7 months and I’m honestly a lot better than I was. The CBT has been helpful and I’ve managed for the most part to stop my compulsions. It has however, as I’m sure most of you can appreciate, been very difficult to stop ruminating. Even now after many months it requires incredible effort to stop myself. Sometimes it feels so unfair that just getting through a normal day requires so much effort and that no one around me can truly understand how hard I have to try everyday just to stay well. I suppose what I’m really asking is, is there a point in recovery when the automatic reaction is to ignore the thoughts rather than obsess? I understand that recovery is a long process but I guess I’m hoping that it isn’t always this much of a conscious effort and that it gets a little easier eventually.

@jez2005 Thank you for the reply. Sometimes when I have a good day or week I do feel like the pressure of trying to keep that up and then when I have an inevitable bad day it feels like instant failure. Sometimes I just have to remember recovery is a marathon not a sprint!

Hi. The past few weeks I have managed to reduce compulsions and has my first session of CBT and found that my anxiety and overall enjoyment of life was improving again. The thoughts weren’t bothering me as much and although they hadn’t gone, they had certainly lessened. But today has just been one long day of compulsions and left me feeling terrible. I’m so disappointed in myself and if I just feel as if recovering isn’t possible as I can’t even manage a few weeks! All the compulsions I did today have only succeeded in intensifying my fears and I didn’t want to do them but I can’t understand why I carried on?

Hi @Doubt_It, thank you for replying. I am hoping to do some erp as I’m on the waiting list for cbt but have been told it could take a few months. I am going to try really hard to stop checking. In principle it sounds so easy but then I keep getting triggered all the time and logic just flies out the window.

Thank you for the reply. @PolarBear I don’t want to check but it just feels like I have to. It doesn’t even make me feel better when I do usually. It used to but not anymore. I really do want to make better choices it’s just so hard. What if I’m just in denial? I feel this urge to tell everyone that I might be a lesbian just in case I am and then I wouldn’t be lying to anyone. How long does it take for the urge to check to go away once you stop?

I’m sorry you're suffering, OCD is horrible, I definitely understand when you say you feel tortured mentally. Different medications take different amounts of time to work and I’m on a different one to you but I think it can take 4 to 6 weeks to see improvement. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you. I’m just terrified it’s actually real arousal. I worry that if people could feel what I feel they would change their mind. I used to actually enjoy things in life. Now everyday all I can focus on is things that prove or disprove my obsession. Even when I try really hard to take my mind off it, I still subconsciously check. I just want my life back.

Hi, I know someone with this disorder and they wear gloves and an eye mask while they sleep to try to prevent pulling them out. I’m also pretty sure cbt can help so it might be worth asking your doctor about that.

@cashewnutsandraisinsThank you, it does help a bit. I keep reminding myself that before this obsession started I felt never noticed a thing and therefore hopefully one day the groinal responses will no longer bother me again. It is 100% comforting to know you’re not alone and that there are people who understand what you’re going through. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you @Doubt_It I hope you do too ?

I’m having constant groinal responses and I don’t know what to do. My current obsession is my sexuality and so I pretty much get a groinal response at anything relating to women. When I began worrying about this I now see had absolutely nothing to base it on (hindsight is a wonderful thing!) however I began checking. At first the groinal responses were tingly and I could tell they were anxiety based however now it feels like actual arousal. The response is triggered way more easily and is far more intense when checking with woman than men. It seems ironic to me that I remember thinking before all this happened that I don’t understand what is arousing about breasts however now I get intense groinal responses to them. I still don’t think I am attracted to them in that I don’t find them anymore appealing to look at than I used to but I just can’t cope with this intense physical response. I don’t know how to stop checking. I don’t know whether to avoid things relating to my obsession as at the moment I constantly check or is avoidance another compulsion? If I ever feel better I cannot resist the urge to check my responses to see if my groinal responses to women have gone. Usually this just causes more anxiety as even if I get the response I want once (which doesn’t always happen) I then feel I have to double check to be sure and the cycle just continues. I also feel ashamed because of the anxiety I experience because I know it is not logical and fully support the lgbt community. I’m just feeling so panicked and upset. Have I caused these groinal responses by checking or is it actually real arousal and the only reason I never felt it before is because I wasn’t viewing breasts and women etc. in a sexual way? Any response is honestly appreciated so much as I am aware of how annoying and ridiculous I sound.

Does anyone have any advice on how to stop mentally testing and checking? I’m really struggling with groinal responses but if I see anything which relates to my obsession I cannot help but check my response to it. Should I just try to avoid these things altogether or is this another compulsion? Is it best to instantly try to distract myself and think of something else? It has got to the point where the checking rally even gives me reassurance any more but for some reason I still cannot stop myself from doing it. Often it only makes me feel more anxious or upset.

I’m sorry I’m not really in a position to know how to help or give advice to others but I can say that I definitely know of people who are bisexual that have obsessions related to their sexual orientation- whether they worry they are actually straight or gay.

Thank you, hopefully the medication will work as well for me as it has for you. I haven’t experienced any side effects yet but I don’t feel like I’ve been on them long enough yet to see too much of an effect.

Yes, I have been prescribed fluoxetine 20mg. Even if they reduce the anxiety the thoughts cause a bit it will be such a relief.

I’m sorry for posting again I’m just struggling. Every time I decide I’ll just ignore the thoughts or try not to analyse the them I get hit with a new angle. Is this normal? I’ll finally be over one image or situation I obsessed over and then I’ll think but what about if you were attracted to that girl you looked up to when you were younger and just didn’t know it and then I’ll rationalise that and think it was stupid to worry about it then get hit with the fact that I liked watching lesbian couples on tv just as much as I liked watching heterosexual ones and that this must mean something. Even writing it out I know how stupid they sound but they cause me so much anxiety and feel so threatening and real. My doctor has put me on some medication to reduce anxiety but I was wondering do they lessen the thoughts too?

Thank you, it is comforting to know that you are not the only one as it is something that’s incredibly difficult for others to understand. I do try to ignore the thoughts and I think I would be able to if it wasn’t for my physical reactions to them. I can ignore thoughts a lot easier than I can ignore feelings. I never has these reactions before the obsession began but now I am terrified I have conditioned them to happen and that even if I get better and the anxiety leaves they will remain.

I just can’t cope with being triggered all the time. It’s literally every time I look at a woman (especially if they’re pretty). I cannot avoid it. I no longer enjoy the things I used to, I can’t watch tv or even read a book as if there’s a woman in it that’s enough to worry me. How do people cope like this?!

Thank you, I logically know that the checking is making it worse I just really struggle to stop. When I’m this bad it doesn’t always give me much relief anyway sometimes it makes me worse!

Hi I’m 17 years old and really struggling. I think lockdown has given me too much free time to overthink and I have got progressively worse. I have had talk therapy over the phone and they said they believed I had ocd but it was not with an ocd therapist and I did not go into detail with my symptoms. They have referred me to a specialist but said it could take months. The therapy has not helped as it was mostly talking about why I am experiencing intrusive thoughts and what trauma in the past may have triggered them etc. My ocd theme is mostly around my sexuality. I never was bothered by it before or gave much thought at all. I haven’t really had crushes on anyone before but do want a boyfriend one day and figured I’d one day meet the right person. I honestly can’t remember exactly what triggered the obsession but I first worried I’d become a lesbian/discover I was one. I’m not sure why this worried me in the way it did because I fully support the lgbt community and see nothing wrong with it but I personally did not want to be with a girl. I then began checking with photos of men and women. I began experiencing groinal responses. Then I became worried I may have been attracted to woman and not known it so searched up all of my favourite female tv characters I have ever had and tried to decipher if I was attracted to them. I mostly decided I wasn’t (I couldn’t be 100% sure) which made me feel a bit better. Sometimes I would recheck when I was feeling a bit better and no longer experienced anxiety and could be much more sure I wasn’t attracted. I have never watched porn and do not want to but my thoughts tell me that I won’t watch lesbian porn to check because I know I will be aroused to it. Social media would trigger me majorly and I can’t even look at a pretty woman anymore without intense anxiety and fearing I am attracted. Before when I used to check I just got kind of tingly pins and needles type groinal responses but now it is undoubtably arousal. It feels exactly the same as when I experience real arousal except it comes as a sudden wave (If that makes sense) and my heart beats even faster from anxiety. I pray it is the intense anxiety which is making me aroused and that when I am no longer scared I will no longer experience it. Everytime I see a pretty woman I experience arousal to the point where it feels physically painful. I now experience arousal to breasts which I can say with certainty I never experienced before this started. I don’t understand how I can go from not being aroused to these things at all before to intense arousal. I have read many things about experiencing the thoughts and doing nothing but I need advice on how to do this. I struggle most with the automatic response to seeing woman. They happen without me even checking. I cannot ignore these intense physical symptoms. Regardless of my true sexuality I think I have ocd but what if I am only doing the checking etc. to convince myself I have ocd so there is a chance I am not what I fear. I would do anything to go back to how I was 4 months ago before this started. I have experienced intrusive thoughts previously but they have not stuck like this.