Getmeout

A muffled left ear. feels ****

Really really bad. Nobody wants me, I feel utterly useless because well I am in the eyes of the market. Also, I won't get any chance to pay any rent without job..

I would say that my lie sucks but I am also getting a lot of things done which I didn't before. But yes stressed to say the least.

I am . My life is sucking really hard. But My hearing is muffled for real right now. So is this OCD too?

Seriously I have been outside for like 2 years (always wearing headphones) and there have never been any incidents beside one or two motorbikes driving past me. I take them off and this happens INSTANTLY.. I value my hearing much more.

I go out without (dampening) headphones for the first time in like 2 years time because I left them to charge and thought let's try to go without them and you know what happens!!?!? When I stand in the affair and I only mind my own business a high sounding alarm goes off. One of the lazy staff didn't remember to turn it off before he opened the door. Oooh god I can't hear now and I feel it in my ears. BLOODY HELL you guys (and others) always say don't be afraid and then I do this stuff and I get punished right away. I stood like 2 metres away from it and this is the incidents I try to make less severe when I go around with headphones on. Well actually I am trying to dampen the damages from high sounds like motorbikes, fire crackers and even bombs, bombs are getting more and more common in this country. Feed up. I don't think I am going to listen to more of this "expose yourself". My hearing is more valuable than exposing.

Facebooks and its trolls, even invades groups when the people are having these isssues, like OCD. I mean trolls wants a reaction and are sadists according to science so OCD-sufferers are the best to troll. You get a reaction right. There was a troll who said I should find the animal and get it help. How I even could do that, it ran away and calling the police on something like these things only makes you blacklisted. I once called a animal shelter when I found a hurt bird at the side of the road but they couldn't even come then, said they didn't care about smaller animals.

I found a name and contacted him on Facebook.

It was a farmer I never knocked on the door because I thought I could message on Facebook. IT was getting dark but I can't find any persons on that adress. oh goood.

I was out biking and it was getting dark. The grass was high on the spot it happened. From nowhere something jumps up on the road .50 cm from my bike tire and I drive over it. I stop and go back NOthing on the road but there was a road to this farmer's house and there it was, jumping back . IT will most cerrtainly die a painful death and I really tried to be logical and I will contact the farmer now. I think it was a wild rabbit but who knows. IT COULD ALSO be something totally else, like a cat but yeah. SOOO is the idea that I will not think about this killer incident now? Because all I can remembe is the cute rabbit jumping back..

This will maybe look like a try to get reassurance but I can't ask anyone else about this topic. I just know how I would feel. I would feel destroyed honestly. If we changed positions him and me,

I should be happy and content after a week of stress, I was on a course on truck driving and it went good but this incident has destroyed my joy. We were instructed and I was nervous and a guy walke to the left of me. I had no idea. So I stretched my arm backwards because I was nervous. I touched something, don't ask me what. To make it obvious it was a mistake I looked confused and begged for forgivness. But I know what I would think.... I would have been destroyed! I feel like a predator. I even think it could classify as rape in my country. He was the same length as me and yeah pretty sure I touched something in that area. Help.

I was on a semi public toilet today. ANd I never use the papers at the toilet, mostly never where you wash your hands neither. But today I had to be there for 1 hour so when I came out from the toilet I told the guy in the reception that there were no more paper. He went in there and took some to me and it would be awkward not to use it. I don't know if he took some of the rolls under the "washer" or from the paper beside the toilet. I am feeling pretty strange now. I would never do it myself. ///// I had to be there for 1 hour and concentrate on what was said so I didn't have time to think about it but now when I am home again I have all the time in the world.

I am an misanthrope and I doesn't feel bad about it. This incident however.

I don't think he needed to. He looked angry at life. I thought it was a low risk of it being anything else than the rain when I passed through him but then I started to think about it. I don't know how to handle this.

Destroyed life. Also, more crimes here now. I just hate people more and more.

I came by someone today, he was very far away 12 meters according to this map. It was rainy outside and the wind was against him but I saw him and he spat at the ground very fast and I came by on a bike. I felt something above my mouth but thought it was a small risk of being linked to it. I mean a big distance. But the record when it comes to spitting cherries is over 20 meters! So now I started to think about it. People truly are trash, at least they are filthy.

It's now I recognize how limited I have lived, where even meeting someone in the shop makes me anxious. Look them in their eyes and talk with strangers makes me nervous. Autism or just anxiety? I don't know. Probably both. NOW to the problem. I have searched a lot of works lately, I was desperate so that's the reason for that. I have been called by two jobs, it's 3 hours commuting every single day at both jobs, which sucks, but I will have to accept it I guess. The first job which is being a bike deliverer offered a meeting today but afraid of life as I am I told them I was sick, so I got an offer to meet next week. Which I acccepted AFTER the second job calling me on the phone. It's a job in a garage shop, it's full time and it would give me a lot of cash. Now to the problem. There is not a chance in hell I can go from panicking from smelling the chemicals there from a short visit to being there for 8 hours. And you guys will say that every exposure is good, to like everything. But I don't think I ever will come to a point in life where I am fine with exposing myself to solvents. 1. I really have a long way to being a normal guy in a normal life 2. Wouldn't it be unrealistic to go from my enclosed living situation to a 8 hours work per day + 3 hours commuting? I guess I wasn't as desperate as I thought or maybe I am but I am too afraid of the legitimate dangers from such a climate. I also have a lot of tics going on currently and I don't think I could hold them back for 11 hours so I would feel very emberrassed*

I need to. I have a very dark view on things. When that day comes that they aren't around and I am sitting here being this failed.. Thanks

I agree. They see me as a big burden now. I also have a lot of tics and it makes them disturbed. Me too. I am fairly sure I always will have tics but maybe I ccould become more relaxed and less anxious, I get a lot more tics when stressed. But I think I am doing my best now actually, if I could I would start taking the licenses tomorrow and start working more TOMORROW but I have signed up and that's all I cn do. Pretty obsessive about my mail at the moment. A offer about a work would be so nice. I got one offer but it's 3 hours transport and then the pay is trash and the company is trash. Not even full time.

I have to say that you have been the one dropping the truth on me. Shame and sadness is the main thing overall. Shame around being the failure I am and shame towards my parents. But when all these things happens and this summer have been so brutal to me, I had plans to study and exercise more than ever but it has been one long agony. mainly around construction because it cost money and money is always a big thing I guess. But also the stress with them being here and the changes it brings. I know I should feel gratitude but it's so hard when it just feels like it would be better to be dead than this. I don't think I have feelt relaxed in 3 weeks now. I guess seeing the television and accepting it being broken and then handle it when times come is the thing to do.

I hate construction workers with all my heart. All the bullies in my school went on to be workers in this area. My mother hates to have people here too, still they pay them. THe house is rubbish, it's 50 years old and some things haven't been taken care of since then. I do agree with you about me starting topics, I was just so angry yesterday, I am still fuming and ****** so that's how ****** I was yesterday when I found out that my dad had sat for 3 days with a broken screen and said nothing. It sickened me to the core. IF they are so reckless with one thing I can only imagine what they ripped loss working. My mother said that it was dusting as hell. And I know they saying, asbestos is only dangerous when relesed and when it's dusting.. I think I will obsess about this one when the television is out of the way. I am actually doing my best to get a real life. I have signed up for licenses to drive heavier vehicles so I can search more jobs. I have a job interview on monday but I am thinking if I should cancel. The job is in a dangerous place. They are blowing off bombs in that town nighttime.

they should move because they can't take care of a two leveled* house which is so old it needs a lot of things done. Floors, walls and many more things needs to be replaced because of old age. IF they moved to a house with rental a person (who can handle these things) have the responsibility. My parents are over 70 years old and you really need to do things on your own if you live in a house which you own. You need to be a lawyer to take care of construction workers these days... They seems to be totl assholes, who even smashes a tv and just run away. A normal person would face up to the facts and said as it was DIRECTLY. When I talked to my parents today they said that there was a lot of dust underneath the windows. I can only imagine how incompetent they are and I wonder what nasty stu was in the dust...

Beside worrying about 1000 dollars being destroyed I worry about the incident with my clothes. I have never had marks on my clothes, but now I did. And these people seems like total psychopaths.

This is the worst summer in my life and it is 100%%!! stressrelated. BY real events. REal events which triggers my weak mind, I agree on that last one. But it all comes down to my life situation, I feel maxed out, I am at the top of my stress levels. And it all comes down to having to parent two older parents. I guess the thing with the clothes is could be OCD but yeah I am stressed out and feeling bad. And writing about it makes me feel a miniscule bit better.