Fredagain

I just cant stop checking, my memory, everyday im tortured

I'm sick of debating my memory issue it's invalidating...

I think we are getting off topic. Not much help going round these days seemingly

Not perceived... lol

Help..

I don't know how to fix this, as the title says, all these things due to my ocd and nobody seems to understand my memory issue makes my insight so small because I can't remember where I was to counteract the false memory of things.

I literally checking nearly every waking minute on phone Internet etc. Intact I've realised how much I actually check. Wow this is so messed up.

Please can someone recommend a good therapist that Skype?

It's got to a point where I'm trying not to have the intrusive thoughts I work in call center and I'm constantly worried I've typed something very inappropriate, I have to check notes 5 times obviously this is unsustainable and I just wanted some advice I know. Even on my phone I'll get a thought and worry I've typed it somehow I have to fonstantly check my history. I can't keep doing this

Anyone ?

I do ok for a while then I get a spike for instance... I'll think about me doing the action to sort of check what that would feel like and reassure myself sometimes this can be just an automatic rumination that I don't willingly think like as I'm typing now. Then my memory will gap and I'll think what if I typed that becayse i was willingly thinking about it and I'll think that that means now.because I willingly thought about it it's more likely I have and its my fault and then I'll have to retrace then repeatedly check can anyone help.me with how to let thar go I know obviously the only way to do that is to just do that

Any tips to not check regardless of the memory gap and doubting my own identity. Riding the uncertainty is very hard

There's not alot of hope for someone such as me burdened with these TABOO issues and messed up thoughts... Just a joke and I'm tired of not being normal

I don't know how to get back from this, my ideals have been too damaged no one can ever really relate because I can't be honest. I can't believe this I'm sick of feeling like this, nobody will help, nobody really understands I'm only posting this out of despair

While I fully appreciate this, this is hard when it comes to.the possibility of some heinous action how then does one not care about knowing this.

This illness doesn't get enough credit. Just feel hopeless tbh. Lost my identity in this and yes if has lead to questionable actions and thoughts.

Any tips for this?

Paul u have something very similar to me. Although mine is not diagnosed I'm suspicious of some type of long covid as the culprit, some sort of neuro disorder anyway, I'm really struggling with it tbh. Struggling to function. Tormented.

It's maddening and some days I spend the day in my head, this is one hell of a way to live. Torture. A living hell on earth in the mind.

Thanks for the response. My difficulty is, my ocd centres around touching others inappropriately, my hand moving or where it is, knowing that throughout a spike is what I use as reassurance the problem is with this memory problem I don't know where my hand was, I don't remember exactly putting my hand in my pocket which then worries me. This can lead to me constantly "reality monitoring" which doesn't work anyway because I get caught up in rumination and forget what just happened again. Recently this happened and it was a real gap in memory which is kind of new, it really scares me. I've even been tempted to try and get the cctv to see if I did anything wrong. The thing is this one too will probably pass but it's really dealing with it In the moment. I try to remember but then I think am I remembering that or did I just make it up like even remembering how I didn't do it.

I've previously posted about this before and it's discouraging when I say I have a memory issue and there is some degree of skepticism because I need help for dealing with the not remembering from an ocd standpoint. Not to doubt the memory problem because I already know that Is an issue for me. I suppose in one sense I really have no choice but to accept it anyway as if I cannot recall properly then what can I do about that. Just hope a thought isn't true, I guess. This definitely complicates ocd because most ocd u hold on to the events that are at least somewhat reliable that something did not occur when there are gaps of ur consciousness and you have some danger signal going off, the pull to somehow try to figure thar out is alot more alluring and manipulating and it seems the perceived threat is more likely or plausible.

Yes exactly that's it the last few minutes

I know what that is sure, and it's certainly an element reality monitoring and episodic memory however I also do have short term memory issues that I struggle to recall something I just did etc. It's not really a drunken event or something in the past. It's difficult to explain.

I just get tired of this endless cycle but I honestly don't trust myself and think I'm evil

I really try to respond therapeutically to the thoughts but, it's very difficult with this memory problem in so much that I feel my grip on reality really slipping. There doesn't seem to be any end in sight and, maybe I'm looking at it all wrong but it is quite a harrowing reality that, I can be completely unsure or even convinced of something and it not be remotely true. That in itself is enough to make anybody feel like they are living on a completely different plane of existence.