ocdjonesy

You’re getting ahead of yourself. The ‘ban’ on strangulation in pornography has only just been announced and as yet there are no practical suggestions as to how such a ban would even be enforced. I would imagine the government will once again hand off responsibility to the porn companies like pornhub etc to police content on their sites according to country location/ip address. Possibly they’ll prosecute people for the production of porn including choking but that would only be possible if that content was made in england and wales. I highly doubt viewing any porn with strangulation in it would be prosecuted as it would be virtually un-enforceable. So chill. It’s a pr move. If the government wanted to solve the problem of sexual violence against women and the effects of porn on young people and wider sexual behaviour it would work to introduce better sex education on the whole and and address the problem that way but they don’t. They want to grab headlines and police people’s sexual activity per the guidance of interest groups to secure votes. It is not going to commit the time and money to set up a police branch with the soul purpose of investigating and arresting people for touching themselves in the privacy of their own homes. You’re fine and your OCD is the issue here not your future incarceration for looking at people doing it. Work on that and your clear guilt over looking at porn in the first place rather than wasting time worrying about something that’s never going to happen.

Frankly passing your anxieties to your child by teaching her to ape your compulsions isn’t really something you want to start. So given that’s what showering because you saw a loft vent would be I’d avoid that. Are you doing any therapy/self directed cbt etc at the moment because applying that to your current worry would be my suggestion.

Given your past history of suicide attempts it would remiss of me not to point out the worrying tone of that statement. If you have access to crisis care I’d use it now before this spirals any further.

Maybe stop coming on here to do compulsions. And FYI contrary to what McW don’t read a book about OCD. Read a book about anything else. That goes for everyone else on here. Take a week off. Do something that has nothing to do with OCD.

Or, and here’s a wild suggestion, go read a book.

Then why are you doing it?

Reading your post history was reassurance seeking/ruminating. Posting this is the same. Go do something else.

The initial disgust reaction isn’t the OCD. That’s a normal reaction people have to gross things. The OCD is attaching significance to the thought or feeling.

Am good thanks just super busy. Baby has a tongue tie so I get about 3 hours a day to get stuff done when I’m not struggling to get her to latch for longer than a minute at a time. Getting it fixed tomorrow hopefully. Don’t know what I’m going to do with myself and all that ‘free time’ if it works. It has been a looooong 2 months.

Your intentions are good and I salute them but you see how quick you start the ruminating again. Put it down. Give yourself the space to think about something else.

Would you actually just stop. You know coming here to post like this is a compulsion and a form of confession. Just stop. You said you were calling someone irl about your mental health. Go and engage with them. This is just more of your usual self abuse.

Yeah but why is it so bad your wife HAS TO KNOW? I’m not getting into it further with you because you’re just here for the reassurance. I’m just saying - what are you worried about exactly? Because watching one video to OH MY GOD I’M GAY is a pretty big leap and I think it would help you to work through what exactly is fuelling such an epic catastrophisation. (which is what this is btw. straight up catastrophising. you went from transexuals to suicide baiting in the space of what, 3 pages? Which given most freely available non subscription porn is literally about 2 minutes long is a pretty huge reaction to a tiny portion of your life. Does that seem at all proportionate to you?)

No you just want to make yourself feel better. Can I ask why being interested in men/trans women is such an issue for you? What’s the fear here exactly?

If this was a pub they’d stop serving you for your own good.

You are outright begging for reassurance. ”Please guys tell me this is OCD because I’m certain it isn’t”. Weird how you do so much better off these forums than on them isn’t it? And how you only come here when you’ve actively got OCD? I wonder. It’s one hell of a coincidence isn’t it…

That’s actually not true though is it? By your own admission you’ve been basically OCD free for the last year. So clearly whatever you were doing was working. And will work again if you start doing it. It’s pretty much common sense isn’t it? “I’m doing stuff that makes me ill so why isn’t the stuff that makes me better working anymore?” Uh, hello. Recovery calling - it says to stop hiding in a toilet cubicle googling transexuals and move on with your life. And don’t start with the suicidal ideation. If you feel like you’re at risk call your crisis team and talk to them but otherwise as we all well aware at this point that mode of thinking is also compulsive/catastrophising. Meeting every tiny relapse with the sort of ‘this is so bad I have to kill myself’ mentality is not a long term answer to dealing with OCD. It’s been a week. After a year of remission. It’s a blip. Do the work you need to do to move past it and do not start off this stupid pattern again. I honestly don’t know how you have the time for it.

Yeah and honestly? No-one is interested in hearing about ejaculation. The fact you keep repeating a thing most people would avoid bringing up in polite conversation despite the fact no-one will take you up on it should be the thing that clues you in that you're doing a compulsion. It's exactly the same as the rest of your confessions i.e **** no-one needs to hear/ you don't need to say. Knock it off.

Honestly as much as people are trying not to give reassurance in this thread by directly addressing your OCD instead of the obsession it isn't working - the thread itself and any interaction in it is reassurance in disguise. You post your obsession, people come in and tell you it's OCD and not being gay albeit indirectly, you get reassurance. Repeat ad infinitum. It's the same old boring obsession as before - that your sexuality is somehow monstrous, weird or abnormal and worthy of confession/deserving of censure and you need to do the work to address that particular distortion. You ride out the anxiety you have over being gay/a monster/whatever by riding it out, not trying to stop it, letting it exist and not running off to the bathroom to google 'does looking at big cocks make me queer?' every half hour. But you know this. You've been doing it for the last year. So start doing it again.

Think these are ricoh gx photos but its been a while.

You want a Ricoh GR/GX. Or a Fuji x100. Preferably something small and operable one handed with a decent snap focus mode set at about 3 metres at about f8 hyperfocal (if you use auto focus). Although you can do it with any camera you like tbh. The trick is learning where your lens is, how the camera works and how to operate your lens throw by muscle memory.

Depends on where you are and your ethics. Technically legal in the UK and opinions are divided. Some people take a photograph and move on. Some approach the subject afterwards and show them/ask for permission to use it. Some approach people to take a photograph and do 'street portraiture'. It's a contentious issue. Check out Bruce Gilden if you want an extreme version using a big ass off camera flash. Dude has been punched in the face so often. I personally love his work and his commitment to what he does but it's not for everyone.

I think he needs help to confront the cognitive distortions that convince him he’s an amoral sex lunatic for watching four minutes of pornography or fantasising about his neighbours because he’s a normal human in a near sexless marriage with a (sometimes) abusive drunk. That might happen in sex therapy. It might happen during the course of bog standard CBT. Whatever. But I’m not getting pulled into this again. It’s good you’re going to the doctors NLL. I think it’s more than likely that the stress of your mother being ill has flared your OCD. You’re struggling to pull out of that alone so outside help is a good idea.

LOL no. I'm sorry to disabuse you of the notion I have any spare emotions to send in your direction but I literally don't feel anything towards you right now. I mean I was feeling kinda proud of you for making the effort you have over the last year but I have to spend another night co sleeping with a 3 week old because my c-section wound got infected and the antibiotics I'm on are giving her an upset stomach so she won't sleep in her crib so I'm afraid I don't have the mental space to actually care much atm outside of figuring out how many times to burp an angry baby before I can put her down and actually get some sleep. If I have time I might consider the mystery of why she gets so angry at my right tit all the time but outside of that I am otherwise emotionally unavailable. It was a serious suggestion about the sex therapist. I made it because all of your hang ups seem to be related to you believing that having a normal sex drive/human curiosity makes you some kind of monster and I think it would be a good idea to try address why that is. It's what I would do if I were in your place. I mean you're back here again doing the same thing as before so what would you have to lose exactly by confronting why it is this is such a sticking point for you.

Literally not what I was saying. Baby is 3 weeks old and will not let me put her down. I get maybe 10 minutes a day to pee and brush my teeth. Typing this with her attached to a boob right now while eating dinner one handed. ******* nightmare. Nothing you are saying is new. It's the same old stuff just transexual flavoured. Have you ever considered seeing a sex therapist? You have some extreme sex guilt. It's really wild.