howard

Happy Easter to all the health/art support group. It's definitely good to have other things to focus on and have support. I think Christ must have been a much painted symbol. Here's a fun resurrection painting from Goncal Peris de Sarria 1430. He looks happy posing in an off the shoulder with flag.

I think if you're waiting for therapy then you could focus on preparing, maybe keep a notebook of what's troubling you so you can make the most of the time. I think we live in overwhelming times in terms of information, videos and images and on some level our minds absorb much of it. I also think depending on your mindset at the moment, which is something personal you can talk about in therapy, it's possible to be in a mindset where you do perceive or look for a sexual element. It's just where you are at at the moment.

I think many aspects of ocd are common among everyone, like the feelings, anxiety, fear, guilt,etc, and also the thinking processes, it's just that people with ocd take everything to the Nth degree. Plus the feelings and thoughts fuel each other. My mind never stops, but calming helps like the breathing exercise. I also find gaming because it's totally absorbing can shut my dam mind into that mode rather than repetitive thinking. So you could develop a strategy to either calm or distract yourself when it gets too much. Also there are parts of our minds that are superstitious and parts that use symbols rather than language. Have you talked to anyone about all this like a counsellor. Maybe they can help you simplify your thinking, understand why you feel guilty.

Well it's good you're feeling more in control. Obviously there are different approaches to everything and you just have to find what works for you. Images do fade naturally but some persist I think because of the emotions and thoughts they evoke which gives them a power. So if you want to be rid of these images you could; try processing those thoughts and emotions(which is something we are continually doing anyway) and the power of the images will fade, also by absorbing lots of pleasant images we can focus on them instead and let the troubling ones go.

Yes I imagine with all those conditions and ocd it must be challenging for you. It also isn't helpful I think if you then define your identity and limit yourself with those diagnostic labels. You have a unique neural structure, a unique brain structure and a vast store of memories, experiences, thoughts and emotions that define you, just like every individual on the planet. So I would work on building your self esteem; focus on your abilities, your intelligence, try to over ride any negative thoughts about yourself you've absorbed with positive ones(I know it's not easy, I know from personal experience but after a while you will hopefully feel less depressed). What is special about you, what can you work with and develop(if you can't give a fair appraisal of yourself ask some friends or family that like you). Yes I think they call meditation a practice for that reason. I found it helped me to just let the thoughts go and not engage, but it sometimes helps if you can just calm your mind for ten minutes a day(like a reset). It also makes you believe you can control your mind if you want to. I also just lay down and do some slow deep breathing and that just calms me emtionally with minutes. Be positive and you'll find ways to help yourself.

Yes it all chips away at our self esteem and we can easily absorb some of those negative opinions about ourselves and negative attitudes. It can lead to us being very judgmental about ourselves. It also can lead to overthinking and worry. Another poster asked about self compassion, it may help you. I looked up self compassion as seen in Buddhism. Just some snippets> recognising that everone is prone to suffering and imperfections including ourselves. Self kindness(positive) Vs self jugdement(let go of negative), overcoming negative self talk and developing resilience and much more.

I think this idea that there is a 'normal' or normal behaviour causes many people problems but it clearly isn't possible to standardise the behaviour of nine billion individuals. What is presented as normal is a fabrication and yes many people pretend on the surface that it defines them. That's what I meant about finding your identity. Forget everybody else. And you should question yourself about why you see yourself as a predator. Getting excited about an erotic scene doesn't qualify you. That's why they created that scene. If you are refering to fantasies, firstly they aren't real and you could just see them as a harmless, creative outlet for your desires.

I haven't seen your other posts. A few people have talked about this problem on here. The fact that they get sexual excitement from an image or video and then feel guilty afterwards that the people shown were under age. I'm guessing you're having some self esteem issues and are having some negative thoughts about yourself. I don't know, but is your thinking and recollection being distorted by the way you feel about yourself. The actresses would have been chosen because they looked younger to match the character, but they would have been over 18. Maybe you are still finding your identity and exploring what excites you and you should just try to be relaxed about that. Also take it easy on yourself

While looking around I noticed that they do study still lifes at school. This one by Emily>

I know it's hard for you. Did you see the survey carried out. I imagine he would have accessed even difficult areas behind wall paper as that glue was known to sometimes have asbestos in it. They are well aware of where asbestos was possibly used. If the surveyor said there was no asbestos then we have to accept that. Do you have the report to check. That part of the problem with ocd, assessing risk. You tend to see asbestos everywhere and vastly exaggerate the risks. So that's why it's best to defer to an expert who can accurately assess the risks. Once you accept that there is no asbestos in your home you know you have no real risks. Then you can concentrate on through therapy, reducing your fear of asbestos contamination, trying to have a more balanced objective view and in some cases just changing your thinking to a more positive approach.

I think the asbestos survey just makes you aware of the location of any asbestos and the potential risks. It is seperate to a Homeowner's survey. He did delve quite deep, screwing an awl type tool into walls and carrying out a preliminary test and he took away some samples for lab analysis. He pointed out walls that I shouldn't damage or drill and he organised a specialist team to remove the high risk sheeting and a different specialist team to remove glue/asbestos compound. It was very comprehensive report. I suppose with asbestos in hard to access areas, it's probably less of a threat and the contractors would deal with that appropriately for their own safety if they did need to delve deeper. It's so difficult isn't it if you have contamination ocd and are dealing with the possibility of a contaminant. The former we can get help with through therapy and the latter by deferring to the experts.

How is your counsellor proposing to help you with your fear of asbestos contamination? If you own your home and it was built in 1970 have you had an asbestos survey done, or did a previous owner(they have to tell you by law before you buy), or have you considered having a survey done to put your mind at rest as to the possible location of any asbestos?

If you've had bad anxiety all your life that probably indicates that your hormone/neuro transmitter balance isn't right, that can be helped by diet but sometimes there are other reasons. It's good if you are in touch with your mental/emotional state and your body, so knowing that you are feeling low from the pillow reaction and also knowing you'll feel better when you've got rid of them. Maybe start to rely on yourself more in terms of what you think is wrong and what you think will help. Our bodies have amazing abilities to heal and it's easy to boost your immune system, again both helped by good diet. Maybe try to forget about the past and start by finding the right diet for you.........and then progress from there. Good Luck

Obviously anxiety is a natural feeling which affects us all. It only becomes a problem if we are feeling anxious all the time and as you say it starts to 'ruin our lives'. I would start from basics; make sure you exercise and eat a balanced diet that will help you both physically and emotionally(in terms of having the right nutients to feed your body and help your hormone/neural transmitters levels that can rebalance your anxiety levels). Look after yourself and care for yourself. High anxiety also cause stomach problems and IBS is common. I find CBD relaxes my stomach. But also the right diet for you helps. How is your health deteriorating? And is it anxiety that is making it hard to leave the house?

This fear has really got you hasn't it. But as I said to you before it's the fear of the idea of asbetos and not of asbestos itself. Try to really grasp that. These days I'm calculating risks, so in your case I would say there is 0% risk, but you always see 150% risk of contamination. As I've mentioned before; to us part of the reason parents feel the risk is higher is because all risks are magnified when you are caring for and protecting your children. It's coded into our genetic code and hardwired into our lower brain. So just knowing that you will tend to over exaggerate the risks you perceive concerning your family, may help you to turn those concerns down a notch. Also because of your fears you perceive dust, or any fibres as asbestos, but that is very unlikely. So it's also good to be aware that you are doing that.

Sounds like a needing order scenario but steming from the fact that it's easier to find what you want if it's properly filed. Does having order and control make you feel safe generally. It's still a lot of work sorting all your files out and that must make you stressed which probably explains why your ocd thinking is telling you to re-organise, to restart, more stress. It sounds 'overwheming' but longer term. I'm sure there must be an organising program for files. I'm also about to switch PC's and my solution is an external ssd so all my files are stored always externally.

It's just another sensation, that light headed high. It's strange I try to protect myself from ill health in numerous ways but when it happens I don't get emotionally down. Ce la Vie. It is incredible what people can create with a bit of burnt wood or graphite. This artist has a wide range of styles and subjects and even mundane objects are great subjects. Lory Chaplin>

I used to have low blood pressure and would have light headedness if I stood up too quick. Even passed out from it a few times but quite liked the high. @bendylouiseYes that painting above is modern I believe in the Saatchi catalogue, but it does look a bit Chinese in style with the landscape in the background. There is something pleasureable and soothing about creating form. I enjoy doing it with a really sharp chisel or blending charcoal with my finger. I also employ that Auerbach technique of continually building up and then erasing the image until something emerges. I want to have a go at something like this next, semi abstract but a face forming from the chaos>

I think part of the problem if you are continually alert for problems and in a state of fear is it's hard to assess risk. It's hard to be rational as the emotion of fear exaggerates risks in our minds. Ocd sends our thinking in all possible directions. So just accepting that it's hard to assess risk leads to the conclusion that you have to consult and trust an expert. Just accepting that it's hard to trust when fearful and ocd thinking is in play means that you have to trust the expert. And let all your worries go so that you all enjoy your holiday.

Art colleges don't teach formally like that any more, maybe some traditional based courses. They mostly set projects as a way of people finding subjects that engage them and it's all about developing our own practice. I mostly learnt from observing the other students work and accessing their incredible library. Thankfully got www now. I wouldn't worry too much about what these exercises end up looking like, it is about the process and learning from the creative process. Thanks for the feed back on picture. I am having a problem getting a good photo of charcoal pictures(they look better in real life), so on that one I tried changing the shutter speed. I'll figure it out. I do like blending charcoal with a finger or blender stick, or kitchen towel. It's something I don't mind being messy with as it's anti bacterial. Yes that's really annoying when someone else makes a mistake and you end up injured and having to do extra stuff. Take it easy and look after yourself Yes Tarantino is brilliant, I can just listen to him talk about films. Here's a mixed media one I like> Thanks @daja good you're okay.

Well it's good that you're now considering more therapy as a way forward and on from this trap of seeking perfectionism. I mean I get it, I notice things all the time that need a dab of paint or some DIY but I just let it flow by and don't obsess. I will get around to it(the blase approach). Same when getting water near electronics. But your ocd thinking and need to be in control to feel safe means you escalate every fear and anxiety to the nth degree. So would you say that the way your parents choose to live has adversely affected your mind set in a negative way and maybe realise that those anxieties about cleanliness are no longer relevant.

I was reading about those still lifes(the super realistic oil paintings) when they were popular. Many of the elements also had symbolic meaning; cherries were lives and dragonflies represented the devil. So symbolic and religious allegories being played out on a table top. This is my first try, but I'll try more as the subjects are household.

It's sounds like you're focusing on the side issue. The real issue is looking after yourself, taking care of yourself in terms of cleanliness and exercise, getting out into the world and getting help with your depression.

Maybe you should direct your money towards therapy rather than continually trying to make everything perfect while planning for every possible problem based on past experiences. It's seems that in your world with high anxiety about everything around you and with your ocd thinking that you have created an internal rationale to your thoughts and actions but they aren't logical in the real world. TV's last until they stop working, items get damaged, nothing is perfect, etc. How much do you think your home life with your parents and their attitudes have affected your thinking?

I've never done a still life, but after suggesting it to you I thought I should have a go so I'm just thinking about it now. I realise I need to change the angle of my next one to make it more 3D. I kept looking at this coffee pot in the kitchen, the reflections, so that's where I set it up. The right light. Yes that background wall and top work well with that cup above, it's also quirky which I prefer to realism. I've placed mine in a corner to sort of place it. Part of the Zen ideas that feed into art was accepting mistakes and randomness(repeat alert!). I was thinking as well that once you grasp the 3D-ness of objects, that even from a 2D photo you can imagine it as 3D in your mind, see what happens. What sort of films do you like to watch? I used to watch worthy films, but happy to escape into trash action or whatever these days. I use a VPN and access channels in US. I didn't want to say on your other thread, about compassion as I think people have their own experiences, but there's some good ideas about it in Buddhism as a way of relieving the negative thoughts you may have absorbed about yourself and encouraging emotional healing and as they see it spritual growth.