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howard

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Everything posted by howard

  1. It sounds like you do want to move and hopefully you can find somewhere with the right 'price and decor and location'. Maybe your ocd is focussing in on these flaws you see in your current property and around it and that also adds to why you want to move, as well as wanting somewhere 'newer' and 'larger' with less flaws. You do seem to be vacillating between what you see as your current problems and future possibilities. Maybe time to sit down with your wife and make a decision.
  2. What I'm getting at is; this is all in your mind so you shouldn't touch your slab or anything else and as you've found out it doesn't really help and in your case compounds the list of things adding to your anxiety. I mean I'm sure you can get tips on improving your garden but that isn't the issue here. Maybe try to be more flexible about how you see things.
  3. Okay good, so you don't care if other people see damaged items in or around your house as you don't think that refects on you. So why do you think that the scratches on this particular slab bother you so much? Would you say you were a perfectionist by nature or is it just Perfectionism ocd. 'Fussy' is similar to perfectionism. What would have happened if you had turned the slab upside down?(so you knew the scratches were there, but couldn't see them).
  4. I think if you have a high natural anxiety base line then once something takes that anxiety level higher it can spiral out of control; the anxiety and overthinking fuel each other. What does, just focussing on one obsession, this 'faulty' slab mean to you? Why do you think you focus on it and it bothers you so much? You do seem to be a perfectionist(which isn't a problem if channeled right). Do you think that the things you obsess about say something about you? Is a damaged slab somehow a reflection on you, in your mind? (I've heard of artists photographing the same object everyday in different light and seasons and showing the whole collection together. Art and inventions are a good place to channel perfectionism).
  5. This doesn't sound like an ocd problem. I think if we have a crack in our teeth then we would all be well aware of it whether we had ocd or not. I know when I crack a tooth I can't help running my tongue over it. And the first thing the dentist asks is 'when did this happen'. So this does sound like a dental problem and as a crack indicates you may have cracked through the outer enamel it's best to see a dentist as soon as possible.
  6. ^Good one @daja. I think we have covered a lot of different forms of art but not 'calligraphic' or poster art. I also have been thinking about fashion as personal artistic expression. I'll have to find a good example. Aubrey Beardsely had a unique style and vision>
  7. I'm not sure it's helpful to pretend to be a 'normal' person on the outside when you feel troubled inside. You should try to just be yourself, just respecting that friends and family may not want to, or need to hear all the details, but if they know about your ocd and feelings of loneliness then they can offer you support.
  8. You're alright @SeaBreeze, you aren't annoying at all. It's just you have a very specific form of ocd which probably is part Perfectionism. Also when you're effectively trapped in these repetitive thinking cycles they are hard to break out of. People may indicate the best way forward (incl: me) but that isn't always easy but it is something to aim for. It would probably help if you try to be aware of what you are doing, like seeking reassurance online, although in reality does that reassurance help with your internal mental processes? It can be helpful to talk about a theme I believe, just as a way of the poster getting a better insight by getting thoughts from others, or looking at different way of thinking, a different perspective.
  9. When I said don't touch your tech...I mean you know all this is in your mind> so don't do any resets, don't set battery levels, etc. Tech is an important part of our lives, but it's just a tool and a resource, it doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to work. Work on this ocd obsession in your mind.
  10. It sounds like your mother is still carrying on her parenting techniques but with your children/adults. So you could just draw a line and say to yourself, 'I'll look after my children the way I want to', and disregard your mother or tell her an acceptable lie, 'my eldest is fine now, thanks for your concern'.
  11. It sounds like you've got it right in the last sentence. Thing is none of us are 'perfect' and living is partly about making mistakes, getting things wrong, adapting and learning, moving on and letting go. Death to me is the final 'letting go'.
  12. Yes I often see that artists I admire were living in England during my lifetime and wish I'd had a chance to talk to them. It is one of those Hayward gallery travelling exhibitions. As it was spontaneous I had no idea what the exhibiton was going to be and it was a mixture of amateur and more professional artists and I think that was the point. Also they had dimmed all the lights and in the center of the spaces were placed large cushions and mats to lounge on while viewing. Giving birth is an interesting topic; we all experience it in different ways and it is how we all came to be, but isn't often talked about except when couples are expecting and for a time afterwards. There was one sound piece, a baby gurgling and laughing. I remember when my son was being born, at one point hearing all the mothers screaming and cursing loudly, wishing I had my audio recorder(I have recorded at a swimming pool and a train station before). Hopefully there will be a virtual tour of that exhibition you want to see, maybe on the Tate website. Paula Rego in her studio(which gives some insights into her process)>
  13. Stop looking for signs. Insecurity (and jealosy) can drive you crazy. I went for a haircut the other day. I didn't notice the barbers strong cologne in the shop but when I got home after washing my hair I caught a wiff of it. I am not having an affair with my barber.
  14. Apologies I read your OP a while ago, but just going on your recent post. I'd say the same to someone who has ocd as someone who doesn't> stop looking for signs of infidelity, stop checking and monitoring your partner and enjoy every moment of the good times. The thing is signs may or may not exist, or can be interpreted in different ways; so unless something definite, or concrete occurs.....do nothing but enjoy your time together. It's not just people with ocd that look for signs and check on their partners, but people with ocd are more likely to overthink it all and torment themselves. And the irony is the more you do what you are doing and as soon as you make any unfounded 'insinuations' the more likely your partner will look elsewhere because of your insecurity. And obviously stop Googling!
  15. Made a random trip to the Arnolfini today(I'm trying to be more random and spontaneous). The exhibition 'Acts of Creation; On Art and Motherhood', which featured a range of artists and techniques. It's an association that has been made before, creating life and creating art. I thought the Paula Rego drawings were special>
  16. @Robin43 it does sound like you go for this typical ocd trait of all or nothing; I'm either going to be demented or completely well. I suppose it's anxiety and fear that lead to that extreme thinking. But there is much nuance between the two. I have been looking into head impacts and the impacts do need to be severe enough to bounce our brains off the inside of our skulls. It seems that some can take many impacts and it doesn't affect them. It may be down to individual physiology or other factors. It's also good to see that in sports young players are being taught to tackle without head contact.(I was looking at Australian football). . So if you haven't got any of those early symptoms of cognitive decline(as stated on the NHS webpage) I wouldn't worry and just wait for the screening to be offered. I had a sort of glimpse last week. I'd been offered screening for a lung check. I then had a lung infection and couldn't breathe and started to fear the worst, but I didn't want to go for the test and have the worst confirmed. Actually even if you don't get checked it's worth adopting a lifestyle that mitigates against any decline; healthy eating, exercise, lower stress and in the case of dementia keeping learning and creating new neural pathways and structures.
  17. Have you monitored the CO2 with the windows open and you can smell the smoke as that would give you an indication whether or not that smoke(and not just a hint of smell) is entering your property. I have to shut my windows on one side sometimes when it's barbeque season as I don't like the smell and as it's mid summer I just open windows on other side. One of the symptoms of anxiety is shallow breathing so that might be what you are experiencing.
  18. I don't think about it normally. I am aware of where different parts are and they are either sealed behind emulsion (is your ceiling painted), or sealed in cupboards that I don't use or sealed in glue. I don't want them to scrape and crack the glue, I'm just going to leave it. So it's good if you know it's sealed away physically as I feel safe and I sort of then can seal it off in my mind. Again that could be a different perspective, try to compartmentalise it away from your normal processes. I think that lowering your anxiety levels is possible but it's slow to achieve at first. Most properties built before 1999 will contain it, it's just a matter of how to manage it. Take control over your fears and don't let them.....etc.
  19. Yes I was looking at Aboriginal art and had read The Songlines as a way in, I just used western symbols; crystaline structure at bottom with labrinyth at top(acrylic on black paper). I think you should believe in yourself. I thought your picture was just an interesting abstract. Yes I've got loads of old kitchen utensils like those roller cutter tools which are fun on clay. Basting brushes for painting. I know their paintings were ways of passing on stories and myths as well as maps of resources but going by this it was also a community experience.
  20. Here's one of my old obsessive dot paintings done with a piece of dowel>
  21. I know I've got so many devices now that need charging between 30-80% that I have to keep track of all the time. But usually on a smartphone you can set it to the 80% top limit. But it does seem that all these anxieties are all in your mind(like much ocd) and that's where you should try to manage them. Don't touch any tech physically as I'm sure that would be classed as a compulsion. Have a great holiday from your anxiety and thoughts
  22. howard

    Photography

    An amazing photo by Mark Williams.
  23. I think part of the concern is when you feel that someone else is invading your space. The thing is with smoke from a fire going out from a chimney is it should be set up so that the smoke dissapates into the atmosphere. So the chimney could be set up wrong or you are just getting a wind blowing it downwards in your direction. You sensitivity to the smell may not indicate that smoke is entering your property, just enough to give you hint of smell, but not that dangerous(relative to the normal air we breathe!). But of course you don't want anyone else invading your space in any way and that probably is making you exaggerate the potential risks and the anxiety could also be affecting your ability to feel you can breathe freely.
  24. You are knowledgeable and talented as an artist. I'm glad you are enjoying it, both as a distraction and in terms of being creative. Being creative and creating something unique is a special experience. I think one problem with art is people forget how much fun is. When we are young it's just a natural form of play and fun. Adults get way to serious about it.
  25. I think the way to deal with asbestos is to follow the advice given out by the authorities. Which is don't touch it, don't drill into it or cut it, etc. I have asbestos all around me, some is more dangerous than others; so it was embedded in my cystern(low level risk) but the council sent in one team to bag it and remove it, all the glue under my flooring has asbestos in it(low level risk to live with) the council have organised a specialist asbestos removal team to come in to remove it because they have to break it up and the potential for loose fibres. With the asbestos sheeting(high risk) I paint over it with emulsion. I think it would be more dangerous to remove than leave intact. (The thing is these days we don't have to rely on industry 'experts' to tell us what's safe, we can find out everything online and make an informed 'rational' decision ourselves). So that's how I deal with it and I'm following the advice given by the authorities. That's the same advice for everyone irrespective of whether they have ocd or not. As I said the body can excrete low levels of toxins, including lead. But asbesos fibres are different. So yes those that it seriously impairs their breathing or causes cancer have been exposed to a high dose of fibres or exposed to small amounts regularly. But if any number of fibres(and all asbestos dust is fibres) get stuck in your lungs the body sends the immune system into overdrive and that's what causes the scarring). So that's why irrespective of if someone has ocd or not the advice is, don't disturb it or get a specialist team in to remove it. Contamination is a real possibility with both of those toxic substances which is why the HSE recommend using disposable gloves and protective clothing and not allowing those to come into contact with anything else like daily wear. One of the problems with builders and lead was that they'd get the dust on their hands, smoke a cigarette, eat their lunch or touch their mouths, so the HSE recommend gloves and thorough hand washing. @OCD slave can I make a few suggestions. 1. Thinking back have you always been overly concerned about harm coming to your family and are these toxic substance the latest concern, or is this down to the property that's causing these concerns? 2. You could try sitting quietly sometime and thinking about that artex ceiling; observe the thoughts and feeling you experience. Try to see what you feel like physically; eg, in terms of anxiety and try to reduce that by deep slow breathing or similar techniques. So after just thinking about the problem see if you can be aware of and take control to reduce your anxiety. In affect follow the advice of the experts on toxic substances and either take precautions or call in an asbestos removal team. Know that you've done what's required for basic safety and work on your levels of fear and anxiety either yourself or with a therapist.
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