CaringParent

Hi there, we are in a very similar position, our son is a similar age and doesn’t work and stays very confined. The whole day is taken up with basic tasks - mainly washing etc. at the start a couple of years ago we managed to persuade him to speak to the gp and get medication but he doesn’t have any contact with any other medical professionals. we find it unbelievably hard to bring up any topic around change or ocd. And when we do he just goes to his room and shuts the door. I would very much like to know how to break this deadlock too. i hope you can find a way to do this.

I’m so sorry you, your daughter and your family are going through this. It is a very difficult thing to deal with for everyone involved and I know how heartbreaking it is to watch your child suffer and feel powerless. getting professional help for your daughter is the right thing to do to help with her recovery. I have found help from reading and learning as much as I can about ocd. It is also vital you find a way to look after yourself during this time. It is the best way to be able to provide the support your daughter needs. I find meditations and talks by Tara Brach very helpful in understanding my feelings and not becoming overwhelmed. I’ve also spoken with my GP and they have offered CBT and SSRI medication for my situation. There are many great resources available on this charity’s site and also ocd action whose help lines I have also found very helpful. When I’ve been at my lowest I have spoken to the Samaritans who provide a much needed ear. It’s been a few months but I am starting to accept things as they are and I have hope for the future. I know how hard it is but you will get through this.

Thank you, the videos are really helpful

Hi there, I would like to reduce accommodations in our household but my partner and I are struggling to agree on the approach. I think it would be good to engage with a professional who can help us agree on a programme of reduction. Can anyone recommend a therapist with expertise and experience with sort of thing and who also understands OCD? Just to add, my partner and I are caring for our adult son who has OCD and is living with us.

I’m so sorry for the pain you and your daughter are going through. It’s such a difficult thing to deal with and accommodating the OCD sufferers compulsions and avoidance feels like the right thing to do but only leads to more problems. I say this as someone who is still accommodating and at the moment I cannot move around my house without restrictions. As difficult as it is, you need to stop accommodating the OCD. All the self help books suggest doing it slowly one at a time, with plenty of warning. I have The Family Guide to Getting Over OCD by Abramowitz which has good practical advice. Because your daughter is under 16, you have more options to access interventionist care from the NHS. Again, as difficult as it is, you, not your daughter gets to decide what the best treatment for her is. I would lean very heavily on the professionals to work out what this should be. The NHS operates a ‘stepped care’ model for treatment of OCD so you can talk to camhs (as I’m sure you are doing) and decide on what’s best for her. Perhaps more importantly is that you need to look after yourself. You could get therapy / CBT to work on effective communication as you mention shouting and arguing, which as you know, only makes the situation worse and you feeling worse. Again, the book I mentioned talks about how to set boundaries and communicate effectively. I too cry most days and feel the utter despair of not being able to help my child (even though he is an adult). Something that helps me is listening to Tara Brach - it’s all about how to accept intense difficult feelings. It might not be your thing, but it helps me accept “the new normal” of having a child with a mental illness and the difficulties that come along with it. Words can’t communicate how any of this feels - just know that you’re not alone and I know how you feel. Good luck in your journey.

Thank you - maybe the boundaries are a bit blurred in our family, hence our difficulties. I have a self help book and I can follow the guidelines about how to reduce accommodation, I’m just worried it will make him worse so I am hesitant. I have referred myself for therapy and have an initial assessment coming up soon.

I think it’s accepted that OCD is a disorder that affects the whole family - why then is the clinical response only focused on the individual with OCD rather than the family? i could really do with some help disentangling myself from my sons OCD but it’s really hard to know how to do it.

Hi there, I would like some help from a therapist to try and normalise our family routines - they are not great at the moment. Rather than a general therapist I would like someone who has good experience with helping family’s of OCD sufferers. Can anyone recommend anyone?

Thanks I will try.

Hi there, My son lives with us and he has bad ocd and cannot leave the house. He sleeps all day and is up all night. he cannot watch, listen or read anything due to his obsessions without one of us being present, so we (my wife and I, one at a time) have taken to staying up with him at night so he can watch TV for some respite. Obviously this is taking its toll but we feel very stuck and don’t know what to do. He is not engaged in treatment. But hopefully will talk to GP soon and is committed to taking meds as a first step. Any advice? I’m not sure I can do this much longer.

What other coping mechanisms are there?

Thank you so much for this.

That was a really helpful presentation - thank you

As the father of someone suffering with OCD I find myself thinking about it all the time and trying to understand how to help my adult son - who currently lives with us, is housebound, sleeps all day and whose compulsions affect our day to day lives. Anyone got any tips on how to move to a more ‘normal’ state of affairs where I can think about it less and assert some of my needs in the house?

Now that our adult son is back living with us we are working out how to live together. He is very withdrawn. Won’t go outside and seems quite depressed and hasn’t talked about getting a diagnosis or treatment with us yet. He is very demanding with his accommodations and can get very angry very quickly. He screams and shouts at us. Does anyone have any coping strategies?