Charmz

I have never viewed, owned, or accessed. And actually, we spoke to someone at stopitnow and she's working on a book about autism and child pornography, it's more prevalent than you would think. Especially due to isolation and rejection. It's not an excuse but it's a mitigating factor. Doctor knows about it, have got appt to be officially diagnosed.

Indecent images of children

Hi Ashley, In regards to my partner we have only been together since September, he's being using IIOC for over 25 years. It's not ever been an interest in seeing images of children like this, more interest in why people would want to view them, and how they can view them, so I've searched in the past but never found anything. The OCD thoughts drive me to search for terms as they are completely intrusive. Hope that helps

It's always best to be honest. I wasn't when I had thoughts about googling search times related to P and how people find it etc, and now I'm released on bail and losing job because I used work laptop to Google.

I was on for pain but it didn't work. For sleep, medically I use quetiapine. On the side I use theanine and melatonin my therapist suggested and they really help. Hope you get some sleep!!!

That's a good idea. There is also Samaritans. I know it's hard at the moment, especially with Covid, but you are a fighter that is clear. Are you able to talk to your partner about your concerns? Or maybe start a journal? I'm going to start one and put my OCD issues in there in hopes of getting them out in the open.

I totally get that. At least, legally you don't have to isolate with covid so you can get out. I'm the opposite, I'm about to lose my job because of my OCD and relationship has been hard but trying to get through everything. Just make sure you talk to people instead of shutting them out and contact your doctor tomorrow if needed. Well done for reaching out, I know it's hard

Are to able to do anything to help? Somewhere you can get fresh air? I had therapy and was told if you have thoughts that bad try something like an ice cube or splashing ice cold water on your face to help shock your body x

Not as much as I would like, but this incident has made him realise he does need to get help so that I'm not triggered in the future X Thoughts are there to search again but I know I can't. I have ignored my OCD for so long, and been pushing the thoughts aside for so long. I know I need to accept the OCD and have the thoughts and just let them slide instead of fighting them. I am going to start journalling my thoughts and hope that helps

I'm not no. It's never been deemed serious by doctors and psychiatrists. I have been urgently referred for help now so hopefully I'll finally get the support that I need.

Feeling disappointed that no one has replied. I guess I'm alone in things after all

So, this is difficult for me, but I guess it's time I come to terms with everything and finally get the help I need. I hope I am not judged for this like I have been by friends and family. SOOOO... For many years, I have bounced between OCD behaviours and obsessions. One of those is having thoughts of searching for terms related to indecent images of children. Now, I need to make this clear - I have never, and never will have, any intention of viewing such media. I never want to find anything or even remotely think about children in this manner. But I have always been interested in how people find it, and why people use it. So I have searched for things that I shouldn't have, but have never found anything. Recently, I met a guy and we started dating. Two weeks in, he admitted that he uses these images and has done for years (he also has Asperger's so this plays a huge part). I have therefore been triggered. I have put blockers in place on the router, and on my devices so that I cannot find anything when I have these urges. Last week, it became bad and I decided to look up the search term on my work computer (stupid I know). The police came, arrested me, I'm on custody bail, and have had my devices taken. I gave a lengthy interview and explained about the OCD. I am worried, because although it was not an illegal site, I did find a modelling site with children (it said it was legal), and looked a few times because I couldn't understand why my partner would want to view things like this. In the end, I reported the website to the IWF and made sure it was blocked so that my partner couldn't access it. I am worried that my partner will find this material again and therefore part of me has been trying to block him finding things again. I lost my friend because of this and she thinks that I am into that kind of thing - DEFINITELY NOT. Although the police, therapist, and my solicitor know about the OCD and can tell there is no intention there, I am still worried. I am also suspended from work. I am totally stressed about this, and it is causing the thoughts to come back, but I know I cannot search for anything as I cannot have anything happening again. Lost, confused, bewildered, distraught. Charmz