C3PO

You probably won't be able to avoid all your compulsions this time. It's OK. Big triggers are easier to deal with once you have already started doing gradual exposures. I think you should see this dreaded day as a starting point in your journey to recovery. I would suggest putting your thoughts on paper. Start a diary. Write down exactly what you fear and the compulsions you feel compelled to do. Be specific. Keeping the thoughts in your head make them worse. Maybe you will spot one or two compulsions that will be easy for you not to perform. Identify one or two items that you agree not to clean, or not too much. You can clean the rest. Or let some time pass before cleaning. If you expect right away a total success, you'll probably fail - and the only thing you'll get is discouragement. Write down your successes and failures. To fail is part of the journey. Be aware of your successes, no matter how small. Again, be specific! In the meantime, keep yourself busy. Do activities you enjoy and be super kind to yourself. Would you be mean to someone in rehabilitation who can't walk right away?

No, there is not any quick fix and as @snowbearstated above, getting better requires long, constant and sometimes hard work. Say you want to climb a mountain - if you look at the top reflecting on how much effort you need to make, you'll probably feel discouraged. Instead, you should take one step at a time. If you read the whole book in one sitting and see the difficulty level incrase with each chapter, it's the same. It's better to go gradually, with the help of a professional. The book about General Anxiety is really helpful to work on the cognitive aspect of OCD/anxiety, i.e. the thinking process, which is THE crux of the problem. Until you find a good therapist, I would also recommend the classic "Brain Lock" by Jeffrey M. Schwartz. Only a doctor can say if you need medication. I understand that it is not easy to talk about it, but any GP is supposed to know about this condition. They are not therapists but the least they can do is give you advice to find a professional. Don't tell them "I feel anxious"; insist on the fact that this has been going on for a long time, that it has a major impact on your life and that you need help. We have a tendancy to blame ourselves, which makes it even worse. A first step to recovery is to acknowledge the fact that 1/ You have a problem and 2/ It is not your fault. But 3/ You can seek help and do something about it. I wish you the best!

Thank you very much!!

Maybe you should try to go to the cinema again a little bit later. Right now you seem too anxious so after you go, you feel worse. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I'm still suffering from both, but I have just started a new therapy. I'm also on medication, I have accepted the fact that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and it's not my fault. As I stated above, people with diabetes don't blame themselves because of their insulin level. Self-help books and resources are also very helpful to learn more about your condition and see that you are not alone. Social relationships are also helpful. You can open up about your condition, without going into details. Maybe you have friends that you stopped seeing because of your anxiety? Would you like to see them again? Finally, make a list of things that you like to do. A sport? Drawing? Animals? Video games? Work? What could keep your brain busy in a positive way?

Don't be sorry, and don't be ashamed. It's not your fault. OCD and anxiety disorders are medical conditions. It is scientifically proven that people with these have a chemical imbalance in the brain. People with diabetes or hypertension have no reason to be ashamed, do they? Your parents don't need to know everything that goes through your brain. The only thing that they have to understand is that you have an anxiety disorder. There were times when I had such horrific fears and thoughts that I didn't want to tell anyone; but what I DID tell is that I was having a hard time because of my anxiety disorder. Finding a good therapist is not easy. You are not beyond help at all. I spent years in psychoanalysis which didn't help me! I don't live in the UK but I'm sure other people on the forum can tell you where to start to find someone that suits you. Maybe start a new thread about it ? What book are you reading ? I have started Overcoming Worry and General Anxiety Disorder by Kevin Meares and Mark Freeston and it's nice. Therapists and books work the same - if one doesn't work for you, try another one

Anxiety can target any subject and situation you can think of. The cinema is not the problem and you will be able to enjoy movies again in the future, but right now you're hyper focused on this situation because it is where your discomfort happened first. Think about it: people with « harm OCD » had no problem using knives, until one day a thought popped up: What if I stabbed myself/my loved ones with this knife? And suddenly, knives become a problem. People with « somatic OCD » didn't care about their body functions until one day they noticed their breathing or heartbeat, and then they couldn't think of anything else. You didn't have a problem with cinemas until... It looks like intrusive thoughts, triggered by a random situation. It is the cinema but it could have been the supermarket or something else! The best way is to let the thoughts be. Don't try to chase them, it won't work. You have to let them die on their own, without giving them meaning. When you're at the cinema, just notice the thoughts and let them be. Don't fight, just go on - it's OK if it takes some time before you unlock your brain, at one point you will be able to go see a movie without even thinking about all of this. I can relate to that Cinemas are not the easiest situations as you can feel « stuck » and movies are not always distracting enough. Are you in therapy to work on your OCD and emetophobia ? Maybe the cinema is too difficult for your current level of anxiety and you should try to do less difficult exposure?

Hi ! It sounds 100 % OCD to me It happened once in a cinema and triggered anxiety, so now every time you go you expect something similar to happen, so it does. That's a classic ! I don't think you should avoid cinemas for this reason, but I know when I'm anxious it's a place where I don't feel too good: a movie rarely distracts me enough from my OCD thoughts and I can't just get up and do something else... So I feel uncomfortable. Maybe try to lower anxiety first, by doing other activities. Don't go to the cinema if you feel like testing your intrusive thoughts, go only if you want to. Do other things to get back to « normal » and it will probably disappear on its own

Hi there! A very interesting topic. I totally agree with you that when possible, one should never let his/her life be dictated by OCD (or fears in general). If you WANT to have a baby, that's the most important. Of course, it's a big and life-changing decision and we know OCD symptoms can occur in these moments. My opinion is : - Don't think you should not have a baby because of OCD. You should have one, if that's what you want, despite OCD. - Nevertheless, you should prepare yourself. You know how anxious you can be, so don't deny it. Every pregnant woman experiences anxiety but when diagnosed with a condition such as OCD, it's better to take it into account so you won't be taken aback. - Talk about it with your GP and surround yourself with a kind and understanding medical team so you can develop a "battle plan" together. Ask them all your questions about medication: if you don't need it right now, they probably won't put you on but if you need it, they will tell you which drugs are compatible with pregnancy). Also, my therapist told me that highly anxious women are not necessarily anxious during pregnancy. It's not inevitable. And another interesting thing is that having a baby allows you to think about something other than yourself and sometimes this is beneficial. Of course it depends on each individual and their specific fears. So don't let OCD impact your decision, but be active and prepare yourself. I'm sure you'll feel more confident if you plan ahead without being surprised if anxiety rises again.

There is a French book called The Black Book of Psychoanalysis where I read that France and Argentina are the only countries in the world that still rely much on psychoanalysis. Fortunately, things are changing and it is easier to find CBT therapists now. But yeah 15 years ago, I didn’t know there were different kinds of therapy. I saw a psychologist and a psychiatrist and none of them ever told me about GAD or OCD. I remember that my shrink told me once that my fear of vomiting (« vomir » in French) might be linked to a fear of death because if you reverse the vowels of the word, it says « vimor » (« vie/mort » = life/death in French). Oh well… That was the kind of "hidden meanings" that was suggested. Now when someone says they need to see a therapist, I strongly advise them to learn about every method and find what’s relevant for them or not. If they’re not aware of that, they have a good chance to end up in psychoanalysis. I’m happy I have good English skills because I discovered so much thanks to anglophone literature. I found all the OCD themes I went through on this forum. Anyway, I feel like I’ve hijacked @ErinEvans thread. Yes it can be hard to find one that is really qualified. I'm sure you will progress! It takes time but you can do it. I had written a hierarchy, but I think I didn't really understand the point at that time. Now that I know better, I have just started a new one!

Well it's a bit strange actually... No, I did not have a lot of CBT. My emetophobia started when I was 12 (I'm 29) and it was quite severe then. It got to the point when I wouldn't go to school anymore. I went to see a therapist, who was a psychoanalyst - I live in France where for some reason psychoanalysis is still dominant. It didn't help much... With time, I got "used" to the phobia: it was just a part of me and I had to live with it. Then when I was 16, anxiety stroke back with OCD - I had no clue what it was at that time. I still had emetophobia but the OCD themes were on another level. I saw the same psychoanalyst and it was the worst for OCD, over-analyzing everything... I wish I knew CBT at that time! I was put on medication, which sure helped. Four years ago I began CBT and now I've just started with another therapist who suits me better. I think the phobia evolved with time and it has subsided after I went through such horrific fears with OCD. Nowadays, I'm not too afraid of other people being sick (the anecdote I told above is my biggest achievement), but I haven't gotten past the point where I accept the idea of being sick myself (the last time was when I was like 6). Recently I became aware of how much I still perform compulsions: over-checking the shelf life of products on the Internet, avoiding boat trips in vacation, worrying that the lid I just opened was not tight enough, constantly seeking reassurance, an so on. It does limit your life, and it's tiring. I still have a lot to do... But the phobia DID get better than when it started. And I know the best way to overcome it is with good CBT / ERP. Have you been seeing the same therapist for 15 years ? Maybe he / she doesn't suit you anymore ? Do you think you're still struggling because exposures are too hard ?

Hi there, I have both as well. I have General Anxiety Disorder and Emetophobia came first, then OCD with various themes, including contamination related to my phobia. Emetophobia is hard. Your goal should be not to get rid of it but to bring it to a « reasonable » level, so it doesn't interfere too much with your daily life. First of all, are you in therapy ? I think the only way is to practice Exposure and Response Prevention in a very gradual way. Sometimes people say « Throwing up is not that bad ! » or « You should throw up it would help you » but of course it's NOT helping AT ALL as it's our worst fear ! So. You should make a list of all your compulsions and slowly, gradually begin to stop them. For instance, washing your hands once with no alcohol hand gel after. Then, trying to cook your own meal, like a cake (it goes to the oven so its safe). Don't try meat first. Etc etc. You have to be very gradual and it's OK if you fail sometimes. But the goal is that your brain slowly learns that most situations you fear won't actually make you sick. If you don't have a therapist, I strongly suggest you find one to help you with this process (CBT). Keep in mind that the phobia won't go away but it's possible to live with it almost like a « normal » person ! When I was younger I couldn't see a person throw up, even on TV, without having a panic attack. Recently I stopped by someone who was sick in the street and asked if he needed help. I couldn't believe what I had achieved. The phobia is still here, it comes and goes, but it can be managed.

Hi Marie, You say your therapy has helped you work through old themes. May I ask if it is/was CBT ? Or a more « traditional » kind of therapy ? The thing is, the content of the worries don't matter as it's always the same old OCD process : What if... ? Then constant worry and reassurance seeking - which never works. Temporary reassurance on one theme only leads to more What ifs - as there is an infinite variety of themes you can worry about... So you have to deal with the process - the cognitive and behavorial aspects of OCD - not the themes. OCD and anxiety will always tackle what you care most about.

Treat intrusive memories just like you treat intrusive thoughts - don't follow them. They're just automatic responses. You probably expect them to happen, so they happen. They have no meaning !

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this. But don't worry, I think everyone here understands you. You're experiencing strong anxiety and doing mental compulsions : wondering why you have these thoughts/feeling, if they mean you're going mad, etc. You're not. You're just very anxious and trapped in a vicious cycle. When you are distracted, you stop the compulsions and so you feel better. And then you remember... this is so common ! Try to use your inner Impartial Spectator : observe the feelings and thoughts, don't try to make them go away, label them as OCD, and go on with your day the best you can. Eventually it will go on its own. But you have to be patient and allow to let it go. And try to think of pleasant activities to keep your mind from ruminating too much.

Yes I guess we all have to find the right combination, depending on personalities and moments in life. The right thing to do is going on with your day but it can be quite exhausting when the anxiety is too high, or when you're not in good conditions (difficulties at work for instance). So that's when pleasant « distractions » help, not to get rid of the thoughts (as it would be counterproductive) but to « unlock » your stuck brain (like in the Four Steps). I've found that in these moments, if I manage to be myself even temporarily, it feels so good. Even if the anxiety comes back afterwards, that's a battle won. Of course if you feel bored it's not going to work and you have to find something else that works for you. I love to read or to watch a movie but sometimes it's not enough, my mind is somwhere else. Anyway you can't always be busy and in the end you have to learn to deal with thoughts and feelings, not to avoid them. Mindfulness and meditation are good ways to achieve that and reconnect with your « true » self. All these combined with a good CBT, good sleep and a lot of kindness towards yourself...!

It can be really hard to find something that is distracting enough. For me watching TV (or other « passive » activities) doesn't necessarily work as my negative thoughts can still wander. I have found that having to interact with other people (and especially people that are not aware of my current state of mind) is the most efficient. You have to really be there, to pay attention to what your friends (or colleagues, or whoever) are saying, etc. Playing board games, or a sport is certainly helpful. Also video games, jigsaw puzzles...Anything that requires focus really. It doesn't solve the OCD problem but it makes your brain work normally for a few minutes / hours and it sure helps ! P.S. : I'm from France and I love Scotland so much

Hi Alex I will try not to give you reassurance as you know it would fuel your OCD. What you are doing right now is misinterpreting memories because a part of your brain is trying to find the irrefutable proof that you're gay. Believe me if everybody did that, they would find something - everybody experiences feelings, curiosity, etc towards the same sex it doesn't have any other meaning than what your anxiety wants you to believe. It's normal. Try not to think black and white : one can have thoughts, ideas, feelings, experiences (especially during childhood/puberty) it doesn't mean anything. Being heterosexual doesn't mean you can't find a guy attractive for instance. It's not how it works. I'm a girl and believe me if I wanted to I could find "proofs" that I could be gay. But I'm not. And it's not a worry for me so I just accept the fact that I am a human being and not a computer where it's 1 or 0, all or nothing. Don't give these memories meaning. In the end you are what you want to be. That's 100 % sure. Try to take care of yourself, label these thoughts as OCD, keep calm and carry on :-)