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Kelly2004

Bulletin Board User
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About Kelly2004

  • Birthday 27/06/1984

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Pure O and Compulsions

Profile Information

  • Interests
    Vegetarianism, caring for animals, university

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  1. Hi Lost in Thought Im the same at the moment. Im just spiralling down. I have been signed off work by my GP and am now plagued with feelings of guilt that i should be at work and because im not, im not worthy of the job and should be sacked. Its my birthday this week too and my family have arranged some socially distant visits. I feel awful as I am just not in the mood xx
  2. Hi all. Ive been really struggling since lockdown. My OCD has always centered around work. I work on a phone help desk so not your typical high stress job. I have been working from home since lockdown happened and my OCD and work anxiety has literally spiralled out of control. I am literally obsessed with work. Even weekends are consumed stressing and worrying about getting a dissatisfied customer on the phone shouting, or me giving someone the wrong information (my works policies have changed completely since COVID 19), so the job I have known for 14 years has been turned on its head when im working alone without my "security blanket" of my colleagues and manager. I also have general anxiety disorder and depression and have literally become terrified of working alone. Things came to a head last Tuesday when I broke down in a terrible anxiety attack and my GP has signed me off work due to acute anxiety and depression. I am also having some CBT via telephone. My feelings now have become less of anxiety and full of guilt. Guilt that Im not at work, guilt that im not up to date with latest policy changes (which seem to happen daily) and most of all this horrible feeling that i shouldnt be off sick but am incapable and so should be sacked. Im really struggling to justify it to myself that this is caused by a mental illness rather than me being "lazy" and incapable. I feel trapped with no way out as going back to working from home, or staying on sick both generate these awful thoughts that I only get relief from when i take my medications at bed time. :(. Sorry there is no real question here. I just wanted to explain all this in a "safe" space xx
  3. My heart really breaks for you. It was four weeks ago tomorrow we had to have Fluffel put to sleep and I just want him back so much. My husband and I still forget he is gone and say "fluffel will want this or like this" when we are out shopping or we go to his little radiator bed and he isn't there :-(. They are such a massive part of the family and we need to grieve as such. I still find myself welling up most days. They are such special little things xxxx
  4. I can only imagine how you are feeling. I think sometimes ocd makes change even harder. I mean not many people like change but having ocd seems to make it worse. I know this is true in my case xx
  5. So sorry you are feeling like this. Have you discussed this with your counsellor who may be able to put you in contact with support where you are moving to? Xxx
  6. I am so sorry you are going through this. It's horrible when something just spikes something that you thought you had over come. I have been there myself and it's awful. You are not alone. Remember it's not you it's your ocd. Have you had any cbt etc? Xxx
  7. Hi. Just wondered if anyone else experiences this? My ocd is very much centred around work and re reading and rechecking. I am currently undergoing cbt and we are working on the lower anxiety resisting at the minute. This is going steadily well until today...which was the last day before my annual leave and everything just seemed to go out of the window. I was checking and rechecking so much I had to take myself away for a break. Wondered if antone else have ever experienced this before leave or holidays? It always seems to make it worse for me :-(
  8. So so sorry. Been through this very recently with our little cat and in the past with my two little dogs. The grief is so intense and I was like you the day before. I didn't think I would cope. Then I cried and cried and cried. Sending loads of love xxxxx
  9. Hi. I was wondering if antone has any experience of this. I am undergoing cbt at the moment and am working at resising the "less stressful" compulsions (all revolve around checking and rechecking time and time again at work). However, one of my "higher stress" obsession/compulsion us really rearing it's ugly head at the moment. It comes when I need to check contracts have been signed correctly against other documents we have. I try reading the name on one document then checking the same name is on the contract but I can't just check the two documents against each other once and find myself staring at the names and breaking them down letter by letter to compare. I just want to read and comparr them once but I get this horrible feeling that I have read them too quick or can't remember the name from the first document to compare to the second if that makes sense. Thanks in advance! Kelly
  10. Thank you :-)..just having someone else who truely understands replying is really helpful x
  11. Hi everyone. I wondered if anyone has similar ocd issues to me (and would just like to speak to people who understand!) I was diagnosed with OCD about 13 years ago and have had cbt and meds. I am now making a real effort to reduce the meds having regular doc reviews. I am currently really struggling with work. My job is in banking and I deal with lots of account numbers and sort codes and inputting them and this is where my ocd is really getting to me. I check and re read things so many times and any distractions such as phones ringing, emails going, makes me start the checking all over again and I get very irritated and anxious. If I can't do the last checks I feel so anxious like I'm going to have a panic attack. I sometimes find myself staying at work very late just to get through my work which isn't great for my family. I really need to stop checking and accept that if I have done it once it's done, but it's so hard. Any advice or experience would be much appreciated. Thank you xx
  12. Hi guys! I am having a bit of a panic at the minute! I am having CBT which has helped me to stop the checking I used to do but now my mind is focussing on something else............. I sometimes work from home on my computer (saving a copy of the documents to my own computer), but now Im scared that somehow the work files have got mixed up with my own documents as they are all saved next to each other on my desk top. I think they may have jumbled together on their own, so am very very paranoid about it. Im going on holiday soon and am dreading it in a way as this will always be on my mind!! Thanks for reading!! xxx
  13. Hi everyone! I am currently having CBT for compulsive checking which basically took over my days....Im seeing the benefits of it :laugh: which is amazing but annoyingly I have now become paranoid about something else... I sometimes bring work home to do on my home computer, and now I am soooo stressed incase some virus has got onto my computer and copied documents or whatever. I keep running my anti virus software checks and they are all fine and my computer is working totally normally. I am also having a phobia that I have wrote or typed something 'bad' into documents etc. Anyone else having probs along these lines? xxx
  14. Hi guys! hope you are all well. I have had an awful OCD filled weekend which ended up in me spending all of Saturday morning in tears and then giving in and going into work to check things.....AGAIN! I know my OCD will make me want to start this again tomorrow :helpsmilie: its so difficult its just a losing battle. Everytime I finish checking one thing I move onto another. At the minute I am totally paranoid I have filed some documents in the wrong files at work and with over 200 I cant keep going back to check them. Does fighting and fighting the compulsions lessen the desire to do them? Im totally at the end of my tether now!! xxxx
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